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for The Forgotten Element

6/26/2007 c2 1Mermaiddiver
yay! Favian!
6/26/2007 c1 Mermaiddiver
yay! very good. although ive discovered it 3 years too late...
5/28/2007 c5 17the flaming river
You should really update this story. It is too good to be left unfinished so please finish it or at least update it soon. I, at least will be waiting for it.
3/27/2007 c5 Tuiki
This may have been made 3 years ago and updated last year...but who cares.

I loved it, please continue. And I think your doing great as a writer.
10/27/2006 c5 Right
Are you planning on continuing this story? I really hope you do.
1/3/2006 c5 Tempergurl
oh very nice. Okay now missy! U better be updating more often!I happen to like this story a lot! anywho very nice and keep up the good work. maeve
1/2/2006 c5 Sakurelle
Okay, I think my memory of this story is coming back. I was so used to getting updates from the other one that I starting mixing up the plotline. Don't worry, I have it straight now. And I liked this chapter...I can't wait for the next one... I really need to know what this Aiden guy knows...

Update soon!
1/1/2006 c5 Aneedegorarose
wow, Amazing story! I'll be back when you update. I couldn't sleep and its 6.30 and i can't cope lol, Or otherwise i would leave a better review
6/23/2005 c4 1Little Miss Maria
I just love your story. The characters just seem so real to me, and I feel like I am Arina sometime. Great story! Keep it up!
5/25/2005 c3 5voposama
This is a good story. I encourage you to continue writing.

Now that I've complemented you it's time for the criticism (I will try to be constructive). You seem to have the problem I had when I first started writing seriously; you style is overly ornate. While description is good, overdoing it is not. Tone down all of the overly frilly phrases a bit. As I said I did this myself (see my story Spring if you want an example) and I understand the you're probably still trying to develop your own unique style so you're experimenting. My other critique stems from the first one. Some of your sentence structure is weird. Varying sentence structure is a very useful skill in writing because it makes a piece more interesting, but read through every sentence and make sure it makes sense. Also, when you use unconventional sentece structures be VERY careful about commas. For example, forgetting the comma in "The dog ran to the store, and I followed him." is one thing since it doesn't affect the meaning of the sentence or the flow of words, but forgetting one in a sentence like "Their expressions as they saw me made my stomach drop and before any of them could say a word the question that had been tearing me up since the moment I saw the messenger boy tumbled out." You are missing two commas and so the sentence feels like it is rambling on. You also have another error which I'm sure you'll see when you read it.

Thank you for writing.
5/12/2005 c4 Tempergurl
What are your friggen plans girl! I’m confused, cliffhangers really confuse me! PLEASE TELL ME! Is Favian gonna get married? What about the people who came to the Kingdome, are they Aria's family? Gosh darn you! Confusing me is not! Funny
5/7/2005 c4 11arachibutyrophobia
ah, yes dancing around a subject. i dont do that...i run and hide ^^ Aiden is awesome. seriously. and i think his sister has serious spunk lol. so... a long lost sister, perhaps, with some sort of secret past, a destiny? Ah! The mystery! please update! and yes, you're building up the characters nicely lol.
5/7/2005 c4 Sakurelle
It was much easier to follow, now that the paragraphs are smaller. Yeah, it's good now. And of course, it is killing me that only part of the secret is revealed... arg, I almost felt like yelling at those people to reveal more. Anyway, update soon!
5/7/2005 c2 3Karsten
Good long chapter. The dialogue is fluent, but the modern slang is very, very jarring. Terms such as "okay", "fancy" and "a tad bit" have no place in a medieval tale. The cliched elements are becoming stronger. Taken individually the heroine's beauty, the numerous people lusting after her, and her unrealistic friendship with a prince might be overlooked, but all together they make the heroine seem very much a Mary Sue.
5/7/2005 c1 Karsten
Good description. The mysterious appearance of an amnesiac is a bit cliched, but an intriguing start. You might consider toning down the apparently remarkable "beauty and grace" of this child as it makes the observer look like a paedophile and is a little Mary Sueish. Keep writing!
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