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12/15/2004 c2 3Auroreia
Wonderful! ^-^

""No time? When are the Adsifs gonna be here?"

Mr. Grand looked at his watch for a moment then said, "In about an hour.""

That was good, I liked that. Zah for you. More soon, yar?
12/14/2004 c2 1T.L. Jeffers
I like how you just jumped right into the story, without all of the detail building up to it. That can be something you go back and add in later.Looking forward to reading more. Good work!
12/13/2004 c1 6Ad Seven
Nice, and could be real, but you should hurry up and continue!
12/13/2004 c1 9Neon Tetra
A good start, although I'm fairly certain I've seen something just like this before- I just don't remember where. It has the potential to be interesting. Keep trying.
12/13/2004 c1 24Sarah-Brighteyes
I love how it starts. Great catch. Very interesting cliff hanger at the end. keep the writing coming.
12/13/2004 c1 6Existentialiism
Very good ideas and imagination. One thing I would like to comment on is that some of the dialogue seems a bit fake. For example the whole incident with the dog house, when Mr. Grand didn't punish him, was kind of hard to believe. The rest I really liked a lot, it's a good idea for a SCI-FI book. -x, existentialiism.

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