
12/15/2004 c2
3Auroreia
Wonderful! ^-^
""No time? When are the Adsifs gonna be here?"
Mr. Grand looked at his watch for a moment then said, "In about an hour.""
That was good, I liked that. Zah for you. More soon, yar?

Wonderful! ^-^
""No time? When are the Adsifs gonna be here?"
Mr. Grand looked at his watch for a moment then said, "In about an hour.""
That was good, I liked that. Zah for you. More soon, yar?
12/14/2004 c2
1T.L. Jeffers
I like how you just jumped right into the story, without all of the detail building up to it. That can be something you go back and add in later.Looking forward to reading more. Good work!

I like how you just jumped right into the story, without all of the detail building up to it. That can be something you go back and add in later.Looking forward to reading more. Good work!
12/13/2004 c1
9Neon Tetra
A good start, although I'm fairly certain I've seen something just like this before- I just don't remember where. It has the potential to be interesting. Keep trying.

A good start, although I'm fairly certain I've seen something just like this before- I just don't remember where. It has the potential to be interesting. Keep trying.
12/13/2004 c1
24Sarah-Brighteyes
I love how it starts. Great catch. Very interesting cliff hanger at the end. keep the writing coming.

I love how it starts. Great catch. Very interesting cliff hanger at the end. keep the writing coming.
12/13/2004 c1
6Existentialiism
Very good ideas and imagination. One thing I would like to comment on is that some of the dialogue seems a bit fake. For example the whole incident with the dog house, when Mr. Grand didn't punish him, was kind of hard to believe. The rest I really liked a lot, it's a good idea for a SCI-FI book. -x, existentialiism.

Very good ideas and imagination. One thing I would like to comment on is that some of the dialogue seems a bit fake. For example the whole incident with the dog house, when Mr. Grand didn't punish him, was kind of hard to believe. The rest I really liked a lot, it's a good idea for a SCI-FI book. -x, existentialiism.