Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for Dissonant

1/13/2006 c1 243Manuel Fajar
Z—Great observations. Echoes strongly the spanish "Que toda la vida es un sueño, Y los sueños, sueño son." All life's a dream; and dreams are but dreams. m

p.s. thx for your review. The poem Suspended Syzygy does have a strange meter, 9-9-9-7, 6-6-6-6, ... 6-6-6-6, 9-9-9-7. You have to imagine driving down a Texas highway early in the morning and watch a full moon setting to the west and the sun rising in the east,—there's a moment that they're suspended in the air between the highway you're zooming down; and you could almost put each one in the palm of your hands. Then on the radio a female voice sultrily sings "East of the Moon."
12/12/2005 c1 10notACTUALLYwriting
wicked last line.
6/21/2005 c1 81TwystedFate
Damn, you're good.
5/3/2005 c1 4sono spiacente
Hey man, this is really good. seems to be a little bit of rebellion mixed with mostly a lament on the dying decency of humanity... not sure if decency was the word i was looking for but i'm almost outta compie time so it'll have to work for now. very nice, keep up the good work.

.:E:.
2/12/2005 c1 Out-Of-Reality
The emotion and mood of this poem was amazing. There was defenitely a fair amount of imagery which i really liked. It's like picking a part our world...Greatness!
12/22/2004 c1 25ConfigurationSpace
I never was to good at analyzing or in any way picking apart other people's writing, but for one, your reviews for mine were too kind, and for another, your poetry's left my fingers itching. So sorry if this turns out a bit long, but when I DO review (Poetry), I get a bit caught up. Note that this is only what I perceive, and is not most likely what really is.

Something that caught my eye was your use of the word 'we'. It makes it sound as if you're unsure about who exactly you're referring to, which fits in with this well. It also leaves me (The reader) wondering whether I'm included in that 'we' because I can relate to so many of the statements that precede the generality. However, it adds more than just uncertainty to this poem. You alternate from referring to yourself, to someone else, to a collective group. Maybe you're doing this because you don't value your own questions as much as they would be valued if they were believed by someone else (In the poem)? And who would value questions, really? I think they're just as important as they knowledge we're trying to gain from them.

The questions you ask don't seem much like questions to me. They sound like subtle statements. Rhetorical questions. Individually, none of the questions really caught my eye, but collectively, and in the context they're put in, they sort of paint a larger subtle statement for me: Uncertainty makes the mind go around.

At first glance, this poem's structure looked kind of unorganized and randomly placed, but after I actually read it, everything seemed to fit neatly in its place. From sentence length, to word choice, to assonance, etc. It all served a purpose.

This poem also strikes me as sad. Like... You've realised all of this stuff already - Come to all of these wonderful conclusions, but you can't really find anyone to share that with. You point out your own flaws, and humanity's flaws in general, as if you're looking for someone who doesn't have any, but you know that that person doesn't exist. You sound disconnected. And as if you resent your own humanity.

The last line really caught my eye. Even if a reader didn't know who Jehova was, I think they'd still understand the importance of that reference, considering it's the first direct reference you make. I love that it's the last, too.

Overall, great job! Good day!

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service