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for A Temple For the Stars

9/16/2006 c14 7Celyn
Split your sections! It's hard to tell when the scene changes are and that's very confusing.

I love the pirates, though. They're just chaos incarnate.

And Klein has suddenly become much more interesting...
8/25/2005 c12 Celyn
They are so daft. A little bit of blood doesn't mean she's dead. In fact, without vast bucketloads everywhere, it's unlikely that she is, and there's no body. They're not thinking straight.Ah, well. It's a good chapter, mildly amusing, and I reckon Klein needs to get to a sea sometime 'cos he's made for the water.
8/23/2005 c12 Ushi
Whoot, update! And angst, even better!

And setup for more, twistier Plot!

Keep writing, milove, I'm enjoying this lots.
7/26/2005 c1 Kalle
Read Queen of the Insects stories she has account on both Fanfic & fiction Press. (Jennifer-Girl @ party)
5/4/2005 c11 Ushi
Oh, kidnapping. And thievery. And vague romance. And incompetence. And full bladders, tee hee.

This story makes me happy. I eagerly await updates.

Alas, summaries are hard for me too. Perhaps "Kidnapping, thievery, vague romance, incompetence, and full bladders"?
5/4/2005 c8 Ushi
More hashbrowns! ^^ And a brawl. Brawls are good too. Especially if the brawlee really deserved it. Which he did.

I spotted a grammar mistake, though. She should've shaken 'off' the thought, not 'of'. And, er...you should take the correction as a compliment rather than evidence of my obsessiveness. Better yet, you should take my obsessiveness as a compliment.
5/4/2005 c7 Ushi
Hee. Marge-who-makes-hashbrowns. That's really cute. And I didn't mention this, but I also like how the magic in your world works. I'd never seen it portrayed that way. Very original.

Methinks I can guess who they'll be hiring.
5/4/2005 c6 Ushi
I'm liking this loads. It's a vibrant cast of characters that will interact...interestingly, if they don't manage to get along. Klein brings to mind Marvin from the Hitchhiker's Guide, or maybe I'm just really really nerdy. Only one thing though—the point of view switches in the last chapter are sudden and undivided. If you put some sort of page break or symbol between them it'd be a lot less confusing. I adore the rescue scene; it flows well and is symmetrical, and a great way to bring the three together.

And I know this isn't quite morning, but hey.
5/4/2005 c11 Celyn
O! Rika in trouble! I hope her friends save her soon...
5/3/2005 c3 Ushi
I hath returned. All dance for joy. *dancedance*

You edited. I think. Because the spoons strike me as even weirder than before, but weird can be good, as in this case. Interesting new character, and I liked the description of the sky crying, and the dream as a means of providing backstory. However, if her family is (as I suspect) going to have a fairly small role, I wouldn't have all that info about them, or I might try integrating it throughout the scene instead of pausing everything for background information.

And speaking of insane hours, I need to sleep. Like immediately. So I'll do that now, and pick this up in the morning. Hurrah.
4/27/2005 c10 Celyn
"It's" is a bit of a grammatical oddity. The apostrophe is only used when it's a contraction for "it is"; for a possessive you spell it as "its". Rika needs a clip round the ear if you ask me... she might be jealous of Cal's attention to Aedran (and I bet that's what it is), but that's no excuse to be bitchy like that. Summarise the story in two sentences? Hmm... An unlikely group assemble under the leadership of a caustic astronomer. Can Rika bring her impossible dream to reality?
4/26/2005 c10 Mark
not much to say... I'm positively in love with your magic system... its so... SIMPLE. My story has got the four schools and the world's energies and the magical energies and the hoo and the haw and the *spins around and passes out* But you have a wonderful, simple little system that's easy for the reader to understand. I commend you. On top of that, I think the conflict between characters and within individual characters you guys have set up in this story is amazing. You're not just telling a story, you're actually bringing the characters to LIFE for us. That's a valuable skill. Which, I suppose, is why I will summarize the story so far as "conflict." HAH. A WORD, not a sentence. I'm so badass... \m/_(.
4/14/2005 c1 4recreated
wow. This is fabulous. It's so well written. The words just flow all together and I can read it with no effort, it just works you know? I'm rarely this interested in fantasy but this has got me hooked!

I love the spoons thing, I hope you don't mind that I found it hilarious, I wasn't sure if it was supposed to be funny.

Anyway, This is amazing!
4/13/2005 c9 Mark H
Positively amazing. You two have got a great story going here. I would love to offer good, solid critique... but frankly I can't find anything to criticize. The flow is perfect, your characters all have their own seperate and interesting personalities, and the story is interesting. My only complaint is that you need to submit some of your backstory, cause I wanna read it ;_;!

(Oh, and White-Wolf, teh Hil is right. You DO write amazing chapter endings)
4/7/2005 c9 7Celyn
Aw... Cal's in love! Sweet! And Klein smiled. Double aw!
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