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for Mavela Spell the black sorceress

1/13/2005 c1 Laura
wow.cool story.
1/13/2005 c4 67secluded existence
hey, sorry i haven't reviewed in awhile. i just read it and forgot to review :(

but good so far! its really quite interesting! you've got a great beginning, now you just need to wrap a plot in it! as a reader, i dont really know where the story is going, and i think that if u want to grab attention you need to let on a little more on the storyline! but other than that, great!

good job, and please write more soon! cant wait till the next chapter!
1/9/2005 c4 Battle of Words
hm... Kewl story, and odd chapter. I have to say that I do not know anyone that is odd as Ellen seems to be. lol... Keep up the great work! ~The Earth Mystic
1/8/2005 c3 Battle of Words
I love your story! Please write more soon. I can not wait to find out what plot twists may be to come. ~The Earth Mystic
1/1/2005 c2 A. Taylor
Heh. Interesting. This take on witchcraft is intriguing. I plan to review on all the chapters you write on this, since you did the same for me. ^^ Anyways, I was a tiny bit confused about was when the boy she seemingly just met kissed her and she let him, until I re-read that part and saw that it said she recognised him... Oh. Who could he be? I'll be anticipating the next chapter.
12/31/2004 c1 A. Taylor
Hey hey. Long time no... review. ^^ Thought ya left the site. Sadly, I've still been held up in making that sequel to Adam, with school and crap holding me up. Anyways, I like this so far. I've never read the Harry Potter books, so I'm glad it hasn't used any complex terminology you'd need to know by having read the books. -_- Moving on, I think you've come a long way in your writing skills. I see much improvement. I'll keep checking back... and sometime soon... I'll add something new. Someday. x_x
12/28/2004 c1 secluded existence
hey this is a good start! you really created the scene well, and i have lotsa questions i want answered with future chapters! however, i did find a few grammar errors:

“hey sweetie” I mutter lifting her to my lap. - you should capatilize Hey

“You have to let go” he whispered pulling free “I love you Mav”- there should be a comma after go and before the quoatation, and also and period after free. also, a period after Mav but before the quotation.

“no” I breathe but he disappears to a small whisp of smoke. - No should be capatilized and there should be a comma after no and before the quotation

I get a few strange looks by late comes walking past the street - i think you mean later comers not comes

An old lady in particularly bugs me, so I shoot her a definite glare-i think u mean particular, not particularly

“don’t you ‘yes mother’ me!” - don't should be capital

“don’t look at me like that young lady!” she hisses.-don't shoudl be capital

“oh careful mum…” I drawled in “careful you don’t get a wart”. -oh should be capital, and the period after wart should be in the quotations

She’s always “knife this…” etcetera etcetera- i think that it would just sound better if you put etc. etc. instead of the word

No, of course not, you’re just a muggle.- this is getting picky, but you're using terms from harry potter books, which makes it a fanfiction instead of original ficiton. perhaps you could just say human isntead of muggle.

well i think thats all... sorry if i missed something! keep writing, i want to know what happens! oh ya, and i have a new story called The Sands of Time! you should read it, lol! ill try to update the stone soon, i really will... until then, bye!
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