for Perdition6/5/2006 c1 A Beautiful Nightmare
Ooh. I like it. Well done with keeping the syllables. But just one problem: "Down in this cold, dark abyss"... there should be a comma after cold... other than that... great job!
Ooh. I like it. Well done with keeping the syllables. But just one problem: "Down in this cold, dark abyss"... there should be a comma after cold... other than that... great job!
12/30/2004 c1 
243Manuel Fajar
Life is little things,
That we do and feel each day,—
Mint gum—Lip gloss—Sun. —m—
243Manuel FajarLife is little things,
That we do and feel each day,—
Mint gum—Lip gloss—Sun. —m—
12/29/2004 c1 dcopulsky
It sums up a feling well in a short space, but in three lines, it uses two bad cliches (dark abyss, shattered dreams)
It sums up a feling well in a short space, but in three lines, it uses two bad cliches (dark abyss, shattered dreams)