11/12/2005 c1 9Eyetk
Heya! Out of your poems, this was the one that caught my attention (what can I say? I'm a sucker for titles), so, er, here's your review!
(As should be obvious by the above, I liked the title, first off!)
I also like your scheme here...very...well, poetic, in a flowing yet halting way that you don't often get except in poems written by published authors (at least, I haven't seen it before on Fictionpress). So...very nice!
However, it's also a very depressing poem, and on a philisophical level I disagree with it. However, poetry is an expression of self, and I'm not you, so, write as you wish, eh?
The only lines which I think you might want to revisit are these:
'Where he impales them on broken spears/And roasts them over the searing pits'
Somehow, those came off as a bit awkward; perhaps because they're longer than the rest?
Heya! Out of your poems, this was the one that caught my attention (what can I say? I'm a sucker for titles), so, er, here's your review!
(As should be obvious by the above, I liked the title, first off!)
I also like your scheme here...very...well, poetic, in a flowing yet halting way that you don't often get except in poems written by published authors (at least, I haven't seen it before on Fictionpress). So...very nice!
However, it's also a very depressing poem, and on a philisophical level I disagree with it. However, poetry is an expression of self, and I'm not you, so, write as you wish, eh?
The only lines which I think you might want to revisit are these:
'Where he impales them on broken spears/And roasts them over the searing pits'
Somehow, those came off as a bit awkward; perhaps because they're longer than the rest?
1/23/2005 c1 4ATouchOverrated
Wow. Just. . .wow. You have stellar descriptive powers, and I am envious.
Wow. Just. . .wow. You have stellar descriptive powers, and I am envious.
1/20/2005 c1 1pianomaestra
Well...I'd rather believe that not EVERYONE will go to hell...that thought frightens me greatly. But...the poem is good. Yet creepier than anything else you've done, which is saying something.
Mostly your stuff is just sad.
Well...I'd rather believe that not EVERYONE will go to hell...that thought frightens me greatly. But...the poem is good. Yet creepier than anything else you've done, which is saying something.
Mostly your stuff is just sad.
1/1/2005 c1 6purplemuffin
i still say farmer time sounds weird... i bet im goign to be like the only one to say that... this is awesome... although i completely disagree w/ the whole 'were going to die and go to hell' thing... i dont believe in hell
i still say farmer time sounds weird... i bet im goign to be like the only one to say that... this is awesome... although i completely disagree w/ the whole 'were going to die and go to hell' thing... i dont believe in hell