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for Liam Almost goes to Hell

3/10/2005 c1 13Draic
I dunno. It’s a pretty good concept. The problem could possibly be that the story is part-humour, part-dark, part-serious, part-parody. If you were really trying to get a message across, you’d probably be better off focusing on the dark and serious (with a few well-placed jokes), and if you were trying for a light-hearted story, you should probably tone down the gritty angry stuff (like the fight with Liam’s father). I think you’d be better off going with the dark/serious and turning the zany humour into more sarcastic/ironic humour.

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