for A Desperate Cry1/10/2005 c1 
11Takatome Ichido
Thanks for the link.Once again, nifty, nifty, nifty; I am simply awed by your use of diction and just the way you write. It's beautiful, especially in the way you delineate such a "sterile" concept as technology as space travel. It really appeals to the romantic in everyone, juxtaposing the scientific implications.As for critique, what can I say? I thought that the "Yes" in the first stanza had no place since you really never used it and, at least, you should give it it's own line; I think it'd be more final that way, and the "But" that leads the 2nd stanza is also useless unless you have it for meter reasons. I think it's just contrasting a point you never made.Other that those tiny things, super good job.
- Taka
11Takatome IchidoThanks for the link.Once again, nifty, nifty, nifty; I am simply awed by your use of diction and just the way you write. It's beautiful, especially in the way you delineate such a "sterile" concept as technology as space travel. It really appeals to the romantic in everyone, juxtaposing the scientific implications.As for critique, what can I say? I thought that the "Yes" in the first stanza had no place since you really never used it and, at least, you should give it it's own line; I think it'd be more final that way, and the "But" that leads the 2nd stanza is also useless unless you have it for meter reasons. I think it's just contrasting a point you never made.Other that those tiny things, super good job.
- Taka