for Kalonice4/7/2015 c6 Guest
Love your story! I'm expecting them to get captured someday? Well, hope so, because I think that'd make the story more fun
Really hope u'll continue updating this... :)
Love your story! I'm expecting them to get captured someday? Well, hope so, because I think that'd make the story more fun
Really hope u'll continue updating this... :)
2/9/2015 c6 Yoyo
Kalonice must be starving.
Kalonice must be starving.
1/18/2012 c1 Guest
i guess its a lost cause now, but please please please continue! its amazing! it made me cry and laugh and die from fluffy-ness! i really hope you find the time to write 1 more measly chapter...( an amazing lemon would b nice too...just saying)
lots of love
~augustine
i guess its a lost cause now, but please please please continue! its amazing! it made me cry and laugh and die from fluffy-ness! i really hope you find the time to write 1 more measly chapter...( an amazing lemon would b nice too...just saying)
lots of love
~augustine
8/23/2011 c6 res
its a really sweet story... bu surely it doesn't end here? I like you're writing style - there are very few authors who actually put the exactly right amount of conversation and narration.
sounds like the story was made personally for my taste ;)
keep writing...
its a really sweet story... bu surely it doesn't end here? I like you're writing style - there are very few authors who actually put the exactly right amount of conversation and narration.
sounds like the story was made personally for my taste ;)
keep writing...
8/19/2010 c6 
1Nachtliches Feuer
T-T
Your author's note says to expect an update soon...
...I don't know what your definition of 'soon' is, but it's been 5 years..
xD
I really enjoyed ready it and can't wait for more!
1Nachtliches FeuerT-T
Your author's note says to expect an update soon...
...I don't know what your definition of 'soon' is, but it's been 5 years..
xD
I really enjoyed ready it and can't wait for more!
2/19/2010 c6 K.S.T.M
well in that kind of situation your supposed to keep the beauty, not get rid of it! Hope you update soon!xD
well in that kind of situation your supposed to keep the beauty, not get rid of it! Hope you update soon!xD
2/7/2010 c6 curiouseditor
very nice first six chapters. the rape was mild but enough to get the point across. the Duke came a little to easily when Kalonice was sucking him. if he had really been having that done for a while, he would have come much later. your grammar is correct, though you could do with more description of the setting and in the beginning, you spent too much time emphasizing that both Kalonice and Baran are extremely handsome. just simply saying it a few times will get the point across fine. readers dislike being battered again and again with how handsome/beautiful the characters in the story are; most just want to know what happens next. your spelling is correct. it is good that you are able to move the story along with dialogue instead of just telling it all from a narrator's point of view.
good luck!
very nice first six chapters. the rape was mild but enough to get the point across. the Duke came a little to easily when Kalonice was sucking him. if he had really been having that done for a while, he would have come much later. your grammar is correct, though you could do with more description of the setting and in the beginning, you spent too much time emphasizing that both Kalonice and Baran are extremely handsome. just simply saying it a few times will get the point across fine. readers dislike being battered again and again with how handsome/beautiful the characters in the story are; most just want to know what happens next. your spelling is correct. it is good that you are able to move the story along with dialogue instead of just telling it all from a narrator's point of view.
good luck!
8/2/2009 c6 Guest
I absolutely adore this story, it's well written if I do say so myself :D Though you stress his aqua hair to much. Instead of refering to it as 'aqua' or 'green' hair just use hair XP It reminds me of Twilight when everr other sentence is about how cold Edward is XD but away from that...I fell in love with Baran, he so awesome! I hope you update soon because I cant wait to read it! p.s I'd like to see (inset slaves name that I forgot how to spell her) get a hair cut ;D
I absolutely adore this story, it's well written if I do say so myself :D Though you stress his aqua hair to much. Instead of refering to it as 'aqua' or 'green' hair just use hair XP It reminds me of Twilight when everr other sentence is about how cold Edward is XD but away from that...I fell in love with Baran, he so awesome! I hope you update soon because I cant wait to read it! p.s I'd like to see (inset slaves name that I forgot how to spell her) get a hair cut ;D
8/1/2009 c1 3BlaznFangurl
Holy crap time three. Wicked start. This is twisted man, good stuff here, hope I can come back around and get to more. Makes me want to write XD
3BlaznFangurlHoly crap time three. Wicked start. This is twisted man, good stuff here, hope I can come back around and get to more. Makes me want to write XD
10/25/2008 c6 71Subbie
I really like this story!, I started reading your other story too, but then my internet connection timed out, and went all screwy, so I was like, "the hell with this!". If I have time maybe I'll finish it later tonight.
But yea, I can't wait for an update! you write so realistically. (not that I would WANT this story to be true... poor kalonice...) but is it just me, or does Kalonice have powers? I have a feeling that Baran fainting wasn't a coincidence.
Here's hoping they won't get separated at Nolt. Kalonice isn't strong enough yet for that. Baran can't see that... because he expects everyone to be like him... all spirited and free. But Kalonices spirit is broken, and that's Baran needs to fix... Oh I get it now. (sorry that me was rambling away...)
So yeah! I can't WAIT for more!
Lee
71SubbieI really like this story!, I started reading your other story too, but then my internet connection timed out, and went all screwy, so I was like, "the hell with this!". If I have time maybe I'll finish it later tonight.
But yea, I can't wait for an update! you write so realistically. (not that I would WANT this story to be true... poor kalonice...) but is it just me, or does Kalonice have powers? I have a feeling that Baran fainting wasn't a coincidence.
Here's hoping they won't get separated at Nolt. Kalonice isn't strong enough yet for that. Baran can't see that... because he expects everyone to be like him... all spirited and free. But Kalonices spirit is broken, and that's Baran needs to fix... Oh I get it now. (sorry that me was rambling away...)
So yeah! I can't WAIT for more!
Lee
5/9/2008 c6 9Lakshmi Dragonfhain
This is very well written. Your characters are compelling and interesting. I look forward to more!
My major note is to edit (I'd be happy to Beta if you want one) and try not to use the a word more than once in a sentence. It gets redundant. There are lots of interesting synonyms out there.
~Dragonfhain
9Lakshmi DragonfhainThis is very well written. Your characters are compelling and interesting. I look forward to more!
My major note is to edit (I'd be happy to Beta if you want one) and try not to use the a word more than once in a sentence. It gets redundant. There are lots of interesting synonyms out there.
~Dragonfhain