for point blank5/5/2005 c1 addie pray
Fantastic, your style shows through nicely. Loved the ending, and all of the parenthesis.
Fantastic, your style shows through nicely. Loved the ending, and all of the parenthesis.
5/1/2005 c1 
64EmbersAblaze-IgnitedIcicle
that happened to me. not coffee but laced koolaid. unexpected kiss. uncharted closeness. a lifetime of love splattered. i wore biker shorts and a mickey mouse t-shirt. roses, point blank, two of my favorite metaphors. thank you. i was once your age, you know. it gets worse, but good luck...
64EmbersAblaze-IgnitedIciclethat happened to me. not coffee but laced koolaid. unexpected kiss. uncharted closeness. a lifetime of love splattered. i wore biker shorts and a mickey mouse t-shirt. roses, point blank, two of my favorite metaphors. thank you. i was once your age, you know. it gets worse, but good luck...
2/6/2005 c1 anon
very nice, for want of a better word. minor niggle being the overusage of brackets. other than that, it was great, especially the last line. and you get points for having good taste in music. something corporate, yay. i liked you even before i read the poem.
very nice, for want of a better word. minor niggle being the overusage of brackets. other than that, it was great, especially the last line. and you get points for having good taste in music. something corporate, yay. i liked you even before i read the poem.
1/21/2005 c1 42and flowers
i like the references to things oblivious- "(coffee stains on her collar.)" well-written with a "pretty" ending. "(didn't she realize that, parallel lines meet at point blank.)" very good
42and flowersi like the references to things oblivious- "(coffee stains on her collar.)" well-written with a "pretty" ending. "(didn't she realize that, parallel lines meet at point blank.)" very good
1/20/2005 c1 14matapokker
i like how you use "coffee stains on her collar" to signify kisses! and references to beauty and the beast! LOVE IT. nice imagery!
14matapokkeri like how you use "coffee stains on her collar" to signify kisses! and references to beauty and the beast! LOVE IT. nice imagery!
1/12/2005 c1 37negligible fictional force
beautiful clever painful lovely silksmooth and i get your poemgroove. -kismet.
37negligible fictional forcebeautiful clever painful lovely silksmooth and i get your poemgroove. -kismet.
1/12/2005 c1 Galadh Niniel
Very unique, with the different viewpoints alternating between normal lines and brackets, and the image of the rose. You hint more than telling, which makes for a delicate and tasteful way of handling the subject. Sad and desolate, but very well written.
Very unique, with the different viewpoints alternating between normal lines and brackets, and the image of the rose. You hint more than telling, which makes for a delicate and tasteful way of handling the subject. Sad and desolate, but very well written.