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7/19/2005 c2 3Krausitus
I love this story so far - you have to continue.
4/17/2005 c2 8La petite malaine
Well, new developments are allways nice %^)Critique: There are some small spacing/typo issues that are really also a matter of style that you'll ick up on as you go to smooth out the flow of words. You may need to keep an eye on your capitalization but again, it's all a matter of editing and I can't honestly say that I always do that right off the bat.In the setting of scene in this chapter you kind of bottomed out, try to think of what is happening around the characters and with the characters themselves...On to the story (this bit is more personal lovey)The bit with the mom is a little quick but again, nothing a little revising and filling out won't cure %^)Now, on an entirely personal level I just want to discuss what you are saying here in this chapter. Behind the mask of peircings and hair dye is the same person behind the mask of preppy crap clothes and hair, just be careful that you aren't turning this into a caste challenge matter. I'd love to discuss your ideas about this suject in more detail later if anything I said is a little spacy sounding in short form %^)Rock-rock on, Malaine
1/19/2005 c1 La petite malaine
o pick me!I like that come back at the end and I think it's nice that you are expressing the pressures parental image can put on some people (not I)In case I'm Destiny's friend my name is Clancy and I am french as hell and if you want any information you know my e-mail and are welcome to use it.now, onto the critique, the format is not as clean as I'm sure you could manage and it would make it easier to read. Keeping capitals on ALL begining lines (even dialogue) is important and dialogue can be connected to action sentences espeacially if they co-ncide with a line, it really halps flow. I like it so far so keep writting and I'll keep reading.
1/19/2005 c1 14ChasingSublime
Hey, this looks pretty interesting. The first chapter is well written. I can't wait for more.~Rachel
1/19/2005 c1 Chandle
Hey i love the first chapter. Cant wait to read the next one. I hope it come soon.

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