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6/4/2005 c1 10otterpaws
You have an interesting idea...but most of thee poem is awkwardly written and hard to understand in general. Such as this linE:"Made of guilt lack of passion"What is that, dear? Does it need a comma? Is it a sentence? A fragment? WHat is that?So it's quite...eh. You have intelligence, which is how you make it sound kind of intelligent, but when you refer to Queen Mab? SHAKESPEARE WOULD BE APPALLED! Simply shocked, my dear...If you are going to use another author's character...make sure it's your own...Oh dear...Copying Shakespeare! Poor Will..*frets.*
5/30/2005 c1 12starflames
that was good too, although there are some spelling errors. even if you say they are a good thing, they still make me wince. anyway it was a cool poem, the litterary allusions in this one were much more clear, actually the whole thing was clearer and a lot better in my opinion. keep up the good work.~starflames
5/25/2005 c1 32pointythings
Once again I am moved to remind you where the comma key is. Your lines are confusing and ungrammatical again. There are several spelling errors, and your wording is frequently inelegant. I never gasped while reading this poem, and I was quite unmoved by it, as I had difficulty understanding what it meant. Your first line is clumsy, unoriginal, and immature. This poem seems to have many different meanings, none of which are fully expressed. Again, I am disappointed by your unfulfilled potential. You are capable of being eloquent and moving. However, you don't seem to be able to grow into that capability. I urge you to continue writing and improving. Despite your persistent arrogance, you are not as good as you could be. Please don't assume that you will move people with your writing at this level. You have a ways to go yet.

Yours in writing,

4/20/2005 c1 55RecycledAir
Something I like about your work is your ability to speak so bluntly in such an eloquent way. Does that make any sense?

Thanks for the Reveiw BTW.
4/19/2005 c1 36Akhenaten
very vivid.


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