
8/2/2005 c4 PuzzledThinker
Just reviewed this again because I screwed up in my other review, sorry about that!
Just reviewed this again because I screwed up in my other review, sorry about that!
8/1/2005 c8 PuzzledThinker
good chapter just wanted to point out two things...' He’s gone! She just couldn’t seem to get over it. He actually left me! Sadnessoverwhelmedher again.' Spaces should be inbetween 'Sadnessoverwhelmedher'and‘Then she felt strong arms wrapping around her as Paul eased himself onto the ground next to her and held her tight. Ana let herself fall into his arms, “Paul,” she whispered in an anguished voice, realizing in fact how afraid she was that he had left. “Paul, I am so, so sorry.” She felt awful. She wanted to apologize for everything she had just done’This kind of thing I believe should be set up like this:
‘Then she felt strong arms wrapping around her as Paul eased himself onto the ground next to her and held her tight, Ana let herself fall into his arms “Paul,” she whispered in an anguished voice, realizing in fact how afraid she was that he had left, “Paul, I am so, so sorry.” She felt awful. She wanted to apologize for everything she had just done’...Sorry If I'm wrong, just thought I'd point that out..-PuzzledThinker
good chapter just wanted to point out two things...' He’s gone! She just couldn’t seem to get over it. He actually left me! Sadnessoverwhelmedher again.' Spaces should be inbetween 'Sadnessoverwhelmedher'and‘Then she felt strong arms wrapping around her as Paul eased himself onto the ground next to her and held her tight. Ana let herself fall into his arms, “Paul,” she whispered in an anguished voice, realizing in fact how afraid she was that he had left. “Paul, I am so, so sorry.” She felt awful. She wanted to apologize for everything she had just done’This kind of thing I believe should be set up like this:
‘Then she felt strong arms wrapping around her as Paul eased himself onto the ground next to her and held her tight, Ana let herself fall into his arms “Paul,” she whispered in an anguished voice, realizing in fact how afraid she was that he had left, “Paul, I am so, so sorry.” She felt awful. She wanted to apologize for everything she had just done’...Sorry If I'm wrong, just thought I'd point that out..-PuzzledThinker
8/1/2005 c7 PuzzledThinker
Sorry for no reviews or anything for a while, I lost the story link.This chapter is good, i just wanted to point this out.."Ana'ssmile turned to a frown as she saw how pale Paul’s face was. “Are you okay?” she asked cautiously, reaching out her hand towards him."
'Ana'ssmile' around the end of the chapter was messed a bit.Kep wwriitingg:P
Sorry for no reviews or anything for a while, I lost the story link.This chapter is good, i just wanted to point this out.."Ana'ssmile turned to a frown as she saw how pale Paul’s face was. “Are you okay?” she asked cautiously, reaching out her hand towards him."
'Ana'ssmile' around the end of the chapter was messed a bit.Kep wwriitingg:P
4/4/2005 c4 Arkash
The story is getting more exciting. The romantic interlude is nice at the end.Good job!
The story is getting more exciting. The romantic interlude is nice at the end.Good job!
3/28/2005 c2 Arkash
All in all, this is a good first chapter. You have sound characters, good dialogues, though Ana could use a bit more description. So far we only know that she hates Rose, which sounds ungrateful.Good job!
All in all, this is a good first chapter. You have sound characters, good dialogues, though Ana could use a bit more description. So far we only know that she hates Rose, which sounds ungrateful.Good job!
3/28/2005 c8
3Crazy Biene
wow! This is really, really awesome! Ana is gr8 and Paul is a hun. plz update.

wow! This is really, really awesome! Ana is gr8 and Paul is a hun. plz update.
3/27/2005 c1 Arkash
Sounds like a good start. The story could develop in many ways. I would continue.Good job!
Sounds like a good start. The story could develop in many ways. I would continue.Good job!
3/27/2005 c8
5Cyclonica
It is too a cliffhanger! what about the broken past? gahh! Um... original and interesting set-up. But give Ana some backbone! (heh heh... that's just me... don't pay attention if you don't want to... raging feminist and all...)

It is too a cliffhanger! what about the broken past? gahh! Um... original and interesting set-up. But give Ana some backbone! (heh heh... that's just me... don't pay attention if you don't want to... raging feminist and all...)
3/25/2005 c8 kayttea
o this was good! im glad you made it actually realistic, lol. :-) keep writing! update soon! TEE TEE EF IN! :-D
ur friend kay
o this was good! im glad you made it actually realistic, lol. :-) keep writing! update soon! TEE TEE EF IN! :-D
ur friend kay
3/8/2005 c7 kayttea
wow1 nice cliffhanger! im so glad you updated this story i really like it. so ana's got some sort of power huh? very interesting. i like how you said the witch lady was shooting beams or bolts of lights at them, instead of lightning. lightning would have been chliched lol. LOL! (*LOL* get it lol? ag, there is the lol again! lol!) lol, lol4r. wow that was a lot of lols, lol. gag. okay, well great chapter, this is writen very well. i can't wait for more updates! talk to you later! ttfn!
-kay-
wow1 nice cliffhanger! im so glad you updated this story i really like it. so ana's got some sort of power huh? very interesting. i like how you said the witch lady was shooting beams or bolts of lights at them, instead of lightning. lightning would have been chliched lol. LOL! (*LOL* get it lol? ag, there is the lol again! lol!) lol, lol4r. wow that was a lot of lols, lol. gag. okay, well great chapter, this is writen very well. i can't wait for more updates! talk to you later! ttfn!
-kay-