for A Temperate End5/26/2005 c1 Clap Clap Raise Your Hands
Because the whole poem is displayed in my pc window i saw the "beep" part before anything else, and for some reason i thought of a telephone, just sort of like the technologies that have taken over mankind (and will probably take over completelly soon enough...) i read what other people said after i read the poem, and found, that like me, after reading the poem that it sounded like a heart monitor, but i thought i'd put my first impression down too so you can see what i originally thought ;) anyway, i like this, it's written in such a way that you make the reader rush through it, almost WITH the woman, then you make the reader pause for every "beep", very well written and a fantastic metaphore, i love poems that carry a metaphore with them all the way through, you truly are very talented
x weasel within x
Because the whole poem is displayed in my pc window i saw the "beep" part before anything else, and for some reason i thought of a telephone, just sort of like the technologies that have taken over mankind (and will probably take over completelly soon enough...) i read what other people said after i read the poem, and found, that like me, after reading the poem that it sounded like a heart monitor, but i thought i'd put my first impression down too so you can see what i originally thought ;) anyway, i like this, it's written in such a way that you make the reader rush through it, almost WITH the woman, then you make the reader pause for every "beep", very well written and a fantastic metaphore, i love poems that carry a metaphore with them all the way through, you truly are very talented
x weasel within x
3/5/2005 c1 
34Ethereal Kisses
Hi again, how did your physical health class go? lol, good idea, FP is much more interesting than running...hehehhe
Interesting structure to the poem, the beeps remind me a lot like those heart moniter sounds you get in movies to indicate that the person is dead. Is that what it is? Lot of big words in there, nice vocab. I especially like the verse: "their eyes twinkling with unmade promises" and "Struggling azaleas fight for life among the weeds". I think it's an amazing poem, and vey significant and deep.
Keep writing!
~ Ethereal Kisses ~
34Ethereal KissesHi again, how did your physical health class go? lol, good idea, FP is much more interesting than running...hehehhe
Interesting structure to the poem, the beeps remind me a lot like those heart moniter sounds you get in movies to indicate that the person is dead. Is that what it is? Lot of big words in there, nice vocab. I especially like the verse: "their eyes twinkling with unmade promises" and "Struggling azaleas fight for life among the weeds". I think it's an amazing poem, and vey significant and deep.
Keep writing!
~ Ethereal Kisses ~
2/9/2005 c1 22Toast n Guitars
For some reason the beeps make me think of a heart monitor... Interesting. -Toast
22Toast n GuitarsFor some reason the beeps make me think of a heart monitor... Interesting. -Toast
2/9/2005 c1 31xxLuvoxx
Hmm makes me wonder. Great peice of work and I love this poem, just the way it is really catches me. Keep on writing! :)
31xxLuvoxxHmm makes me wonder. Great peice of work and I love this poem, just the way it is really catches me. Keep on writing! :)
2/8/2005 c1 eviljackinthebox
Wow. I love the description. I'm just a bit unsure on the beeps. Were you using them as symbols to represent something? If so, it was a bit unclear, and it went against the flow a bit. But nonetheless, an amazing poem. Keep writing.
Wow. I love the description. I'm just a bit unsure on the beeps. Were you using them as symbols to represent something? If so, it was a bit unclear, and it went against the flow a bit. But nonetheless, an amazing poem. Keep writing.
2/8/2005 c1 270dustytiger
wow, this is a great peice, i really like it, i'm not sure what it really means, but it's really great, thank you for sharing
270dustytigerwow, this is a great peice, i really like it, i'm not sure what it really means, but it's really great, thank you for sharing