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8/27/2008 c1 127jrsparkus
the essence of death, disiesed by the many falls of man, swim in your poem like a hungry shark, devouring everything know to live, love, and breath. i love it; keep on wriing!
10/8/2007 c1 James
THIS IS BEOYND FANTASTIC. ITS MAGICAL WITH A HINT OF ORGASMIC SOUNDING ANAMOLIES

TERRIFIC WORK
10/1/2007 c1 anonamous
It's very yonic. Nice use of the word "nary," too.
1/3/2006 c1 27kippinator
I know the feeling you're trying to create here - that there's nothing there and nowhere to go, and everywhere to go at the same time, and everything is just so incomprehensible that you don't know what to try first. This is really good, and it definitely conveys the mood, but you’re right – the rhythm is a little funny. Maybe try getting rid of the ‘and’ at the beginning of lines five and seven and see how that works.
8/21/2005 c1 20Pheobe Meryll
I really like the rhythm of this piece; I thought it was smooth and flowing. Your rhymes are unforced, and your words are simple and still, like your theme. A very enjoyable poem.
8/19/2005 c1 1Triden
interesting... i no the and is probably a style thing, but for the 'and they aren't anymore' i don't think that really worked.

i'm sorry if my critique sounded mean!
6/22/2005 c1 16Islandbreeze
beautiful poem, lovely images. I think the rhyming works really well with this sort of poem, couplets might be too, uh, 'cutesy' for this. I love the line about the light stripping the untruth.
2/10/2005 c1 25lozfairy
This is so beautiful...especially the last lines 'There they are and yet not as they stare at time’s waves Untouched and alone on the shore.' This poem really stands out and I just wish I could put it on my fave's list but its full :( Anyway, beautiful, creative writing. Lozfairy x
2/9/2005 c1 Frank the Turkey
spooky.

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