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2/22/2005 c1 15PyroRabbit
COL! Cloe's spears are cool!
2/20/2005 c1 34Gatha
There isn't a whole lot of description here and it's really hard to create an image of the surroundings, character placement, and enemies. "“This time you are gonna die!” I yelled." also sounds more like he's going to kill Cloe. There needs to be more character development as well. Just telling us what the characters look like creates the appearence of lazy writing, and it doesn't help bring the characters closer to the reader. You may also want to make their appearences differ more unless you explain why they all have the same type of hair. Finally, there is absolutely no sign of history between the characters and no form of relationship (are they friends, orphans, mercenaries?). If you keep working to improve your writing style, I really think that this story could go somewhere.

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