for An Odyssey3/31/2008 c1 
12The Mac Scribble
I'm surprised, in a good way, to find something this, well, deep on FP. So much of the crap on here is just that. Crap.
Really good job!
12The Mac ScribbleI'm surprised, in a good way, to find something this, well, deep on FP. So much of the crap on here is just that. Crap.
Really good job!
8/14/2005 c1 9CerriC
This isn't the kind of story I would normally read - I'm not even sure how I found it now - but once I started reading, I couldn't stop. Honestly, this is one of the best short stories I have read on fictionpress in a very, very long time. I loved the descriptions of the fear of treadmills and closing her eyes. The fact that they didn't know each other's names... The element of mystery, which sucked the reader in. A very well-written story. Thank you.
9CerriCThis isn't the kind of story I would normally read - I'm not even sure how I found it now - but once I started reading, I couldn't stop. Honestly, this is one of the best short stories I have read on fictionpress in a very, very long time. I loved the descriptions of the fear of treadmills and closing her eyes. The fact that they didn't know each other's names... The element of mystery, which sucked the reader in. A very well-written story. Thank you.
6/16/2005 c1 Graphiti Skies
Thank you. Thank you for showing me that I'm not alone in how I feel. That this feeling of not belonging in my own home isn't just me going crazy. Thank you so very, very much.
Thank you. Thank you for showing me that I'm not alone in how I feel. That this feeling of not belonging in my own home isn't just me going crazy. Thank you so very, very much.
6/12/2005 c1 9Cyle
::Her hand flinched involuntarily under mine as I say it.::
One thing I noticed, though it was rare, was that you switch between past and present tense just a little. In the above quote, the tense is not clear. It should either be present tense:
"Her hand flinches involuntarily under mine as I say it."
or past tanse:
"Her hand flinched involuntarily under mine as I said it."
Other than that, there is nothing else that should be changed about this story! It's really good and has quite a number of messages and ideas. I love that!
I also love how well you knew your characters & how real they seemed. You introduced us to very real people... and never even gave us your name! You have a lot of talent. Excellent work! ^.^
9Cyle::Her hand flinched involuntarily under mine as I say it.::
One thing I noticed, though it was rare, was that you switch between past and present tense just a little. In the above quote, the tense is not clear. It should either be present tense:
"Her hand flinches involuntarily under mine as I say it."
or past tanse:
"Her hand flinched involuntarily under mine as I said it."
Other than that, there is nothing else that should be changed about this story! It's really good and has quite a number of messages and ideas. I love that!
I also love how well you knew your characters & how real they seemed. You introduced us to very real people... and never even gave us your name! You have a lot of talent. Excellent work! ^.^
2/26/2005 c1 13inAnutshelLkizZ
hey, i can totally see this being made into an indie flick. kind of Garden State- esque. i believe i saw a famous line in there, by einstein or someone smart like that "life is a ..blabla to those who think..blabla..to those who feel" im too lazy to look back and qoute it. well anyway good job. its going in my favourites.
-kizz
13inAnutshelLkizZhey, i can totally see this being made into an indie flick. kind of Garden State- esque. i believe i saw a famous line in there, by einstein or someone smart like that "life is a ..blabla to those who think..blabla..to those who feel" im too lazy to look back and qoute it. well anyway good job. its going in my favourites.
-kizz
2/23/2005 c1 UJWF0WFW0FWE0WEF0
That was breathtaking. It is an elusive accomplishment writing as well as that. Your story is one of the few that has something beautiful to give. It may be because I am in a giddy mood, but I never found a single thing to give 'constructive criticism' about. I left with a smile and a light in my heart. Thats the job of isn't story isn't it? Good Job. Good Day.
That was breathtaking. It is an elusive accomplishment writing as well as that. Your story is one of the few that has something beautiful to give. It may be because I am in a giddy mood, but I never found a single thing to give 'constructive criticism' about. I left with a smile and a light in my heart. Thats the job of isn't story isn't it? Good Job. Good Day.