for Drink Up3/21/2006 c2 
11Chemically Induced
i don't know if this poem is supposed to be so funny, but some lines are hilarious. taht goddamn over priced wine and...ok it was only that line. sry :p i really like the second to last stanza. a very stylish paradox. talent, you have it. seriosuly.
love, c.induced.
11Chemically Inducedi don't know if this poem is supposed to be so funny, but some lines are hilarious. taht goddamn over priced wine and...ok it was only that line. sry :p i really like the second to last stanza. a very stylish paradox. talent, you have it. seriosuly.
love, c.induced.
3/18/2006 c2 4run rabbit run
i love both of them. they both have their crytstaline qualities... and uh, really thanks for reading my stuff. cheers-rabbit
4run rabbit runi love both of them. they both have their crytstaline qualities... and uh, really thanks for reading my stuff. cheers-rabbit
2/24/2006 c2 4Pillowcase Angel
Hmm, I think I definitely prefer the second draft, the revised one. I think it just generally scans better. The punctuation works well, I think it makes it seem like a vaguely angry, vaguely drunken, vaguely loving evening: which is the tone I got from the piece overall.
4Pillowcase AngelHmm, I think I definitely prefer the second draft, the revised one. I think it just generally scans better. The punctuation works well, I think it makes it seem like a vaguely angry, vaguely drunken, vaguely loving evening: which is the tone I got from the piece overall.
2/11/2006 c2 16amethystdawn
This more organized, but I sort of liked the first one better. I have no idea why. O.o Maybe it's cause it flows better in the first one? Or maybe 'cause to me, it's one huge poetic rambling of a person which shouldn't be divided?
I'm not sure But either way, the content is still rather fab.
-dawn
16amethystdawnThis more organized, but I sort of liked the first one better. I have no idea why. O.o Maybe it's cause it flows better in the first one? Or maybe 'cause to me, it's one huge poetic rambling of a person which shouldn't be divided?
I'm not sure But either way, the content is still rather fab.
-dawn
2/11/2006 c1 amethystdawn
I love the dark humor!
"...would you keepsipping thatGod damnover-pricedwineorwould youstop to think, and say..."
lol quite a fab poem. this is going to my fave list. :D
You have a very unique writing style. Keep writing!
-dawn
ps: thanks for the lovely review!
I love the dark humor!
"...would you keepsipping thatGod damnover-pricedwineorwould youstop to think, and say..."
lol quite a fab poem. this is going to my fave list. :D
You have a very unique writing style. Keep writing!
-dawn
ps: thanks for the lovely review!
1/10/2006 c1 5La Bonne Mascarade
hey i just reread the first copy, the original, sorry, i changed my mind, the original is better i think.-lina
5La Bonne Mascaradehey i just reread the first copy, the original, sorry, i changed my mind, the original is better i think.-lina
1/10/2006 c2 La Bonne Mascarade
Hey, i really liked the poem, and then i found the revised version. They're both good, but somehow, the first part of the revised poem, until the line "and put an end to this" is better then that part in the original. And everything after that like "to all of this" is better in the original than in the revised, so perhaps you could try to use both together? I dunno, just a suggestion. Good job. -Lina
Hey, i really liked the poem, and then i found the revised version. They're both good, but somehow, the first part of the revised poem, until the line "and put an end to this" is better then that part in the original. And everything after that like "to all of this" is better in the original than in the revised, so perhaps you could try to use both together? I dunno, just a suggestion. Good job. -Lina
11/29/2005 c2 the shadow in the mirror
the formating seems to change the peom, a lot - although I know the meaning is the same. I think I prefer the second one, But I like it a lot less.
the formating seems to change the peom, a lot - although I know the meaning is the same. I think I prefer the second one, But I like it a lot less.
10/22/2005 c1 21Irked Materia
this was quite good. disjointed and left open for interpretation, i think. good job!
21Irked Materiathis was quite good. disjointed and left open for interpretation, i think. good job!
10/18/2005 c2 612simpleplan13
and if I were to say tonight that its...it's
not need, its want that keeps me going..it's
i like both chapters.. the story is great and beautiful.. I don't know which i like better.. I think i liek the short lines of the first one best, but the commas, dashes, etc. in the second one
612simpleplan13and if I were to say tonight that its...it's
not need, its want that keeps me going..it's
i like both chapters.. the story is great and beautiful.. I don't know which i like better.. I think i liek the short lines of the first one best, but the commas, dashes, etc. in the second one
10/9/2005 c2 6Gilee7
I read the original draft and I really liked it, but the layout bugged me. Then, I realized that you had a revised version, so I read this one. And now I only enjoy it so much more. This revision really helps it. I found this poem quite humourous. Great ending.
6Gilee7I read the original draft and I really liked it, but the layout bugged me. Then, I realized that you had a revised version, so I read this one. And now I only enjoy it so much more. This revision really helps it. I found this poem quite humourous. Great ending.
10/8/2005 c2 this is murder
the punctuation definently makes it better...i don't know why. it's better revised, i love it, as always, my favorite poem by you.
the punctuation definently makes it better...i don't know why. it's better revised, i love it, as always, my favorite poem by you.
10/8/2005 c2 hey maria
I liked the revised one, but I think the old lines 'you're going to want/more than a sip/later/tonight" are much better than "...you're going to want more of that wine/later on tonight."
I liked the revised one, but I think the old lines 'you're going to want/more than a sip/later/tonight" are much better than "...you're going to want more of that wine/later on tonight."