for Eden11/13/2008 c8 
2renegade jane
Great ending! I'm so glad you explained what Jerai and Ado were because it was driving me nuts. Its a good ending like i said but this chapter felt more rushed than the others, like you had to fit too much in. Maybe because i read all the others as a whole and this one on its own. It felt like an anti-climax to me too, like everyone just ignored all the blatant illegality and went 'Oh its pretty, thats ok then.'. And i found the President unbelievable suddenly wanting to fix everything, all the poverty in the world and leave this quite large group of rebels alone. How does he know they arent planning a revolution?
All in all a good ending to a great story though. I know you finished it a while ago but i'm glad you've left it up for me to discover.
2renegade janeGreat ending! I'm so glad you explained what Jerai and Ado were because it was driving me nuts. Its a good ending like i said but this chapter felt more rushed than the others, like you had to fit too much in. Maybe because i read all the others as a whole and this one on its own. It felt like an anti-climax to me too, like everyone just ignored all the blatant illegality and went 'Oh its pretty, thats ok then.'. And i found the President unbelievable suddenly wanting to fix everything, all the poverty in the world and leave this quite large group of rebels alone. How does he know they arent planning a revolution?
All in all a good ending to a great story though. I know you finished it a while ago but i'm glad you've left it up for me to discover.
11/12/2008 c7 renegade jane
Haven't got to the last chapter but thought i'd check in while i have time.
This is a wonderful and original story. I'm actually quite disappointed by the length though. I feel like it could have been a lot longer and i would have enjoyed it the whole way through. The funny thing is despite the length the characters are well rounded and likable (something even some published authors cant do!), the world easy to imagine and well described and the story coming to a proper conclusion, not rushed or unfinished.
I see someone's already mentioned . I havent used it myself but thats because i haven't finished anything i was truely happy with enough to put it out there for everyone to see! If you were to do that (please give a notice on your bio!) i think the story would benifit from a little more editing (only a little), and a lot more fleshing out. Like i said above its a fantastic story but i felt like there could have been a lot more.
My only complaint is the time skipping. I felt like the story started too young and ended too old. I thought the target audience was around the 15yr old age and most people in that age group don't empathise with someone who's mid-20s. Even i was having trouble. The time line could have been shortened by a few years. And its hard to believe that Zoe and Mike can go through life till their what 25? and not realise they like each other. They would have dated other people by then and because the lifespans are shortened on ground level chances are they would be having kids etc earlier...
I'm sorry i just brain-vomited on your reviews! I really just wanted to drop in and let you know i thought it was fantastic honest! If you really do want to re-edit and do really want my opinions just PM me or i'll keep my mouth shut, promise. I'm just so excited to find a story as interesting as this, such as fantastic idea and i'd love to see it in-print one day.
Haven't got to the last chapter but thought i'd check in while i have time.
This is a wonderful and original story. I'm actually quite disappointed by the length though. I feel like it could have been a lot longer and i would have enjoyed it the whole way through. The funny thing is despite the length the characters are well rounded and likable (something even some published authors cant do!), the world easy to imagine and well described and the story coming to a proper conclusion, not rushed or unfinished.
I see someone's already mentioned . I havent used it myself but thats because i haven't finished anything i was truely happy with enough to put it out there for everyone to see! If you were to do that (please give a notice on your bio!) i think the story would benifit from a little more editing (only a little), and a lot more fleshing out. Like i said above its a fantastic story but i felt like there could have been a lot more.
My only complaint is the time skipping. I felt like the story started too young and ended too old. I thought the target audience was around the 15yr old age and most people in that age group don't empathise with someone who's mid-20s. Even i was having trouble. The time line could have been shortened by a few years. And its hard to believe that Zoe and Mike can go through life till their what 25? and not realise they like each other. They would have dated other people by then and because the lifespans are shortened on ground level chances are they would be having kids etc earlier...
I'm sorry i just brain-vomited on your reviews! I really just wanted to drop in and let you know i thought it was fantastic honest! If you really do want to re-edit and do really want my opinions just PM me or i'll keep my mouth shut, promise. I'm just so excited to find a story as interesting as this, such as fantastic idea and i'd love to see it in-print one day.
5/18/2006 c9 15Getuie
A friend of mine recommended this story to me... It's amazing. So well thought out and beautifully written. Well done. I got so absorbed in the story, I was sad to see it end. Just... fantastic.
15GetuieA friend of mine recommended this story to me... It's amazing. So well thought out and beautifully written. Well done. I got so absorbed in the story, I was sad to see it end. Just... fantastic.
5/13/2006 c5 13KimHua
Thoroughly enjoying this. I especially appreciate that it actually *takes time* to pick locks!
13KimHuaThoroughly enjoying this. I especially appreciate that it actually *takes time* to pick locks!
4/3/2006 c8 13Manna Banana
I absolutely love this story. it is so juat amazing. how life can happen like that under the most unlikely odds. it reminds me of a song...
13Manna BananaI absolutely love this story. it is so juat amazing. how life can happen like that under the most unlikely odds. it reminds me of a song...
11/26/2005 c9 andy-hodges
figured i would mention http:/w.lulu.com/ a self-publishing site. it's free. up to you. just figured it would be cool to have a copy in print.
figured i would mention http:/w.lulu.com/ a self-publishing site. it's free. up to you. just figured it would be cool to have a copy in print.
7/22/2005 c9 2wickedstarr42
aw, bless ya! lol, i'm about to go read some stuff now, but that was just cute... l8r chick!
2wickedstarr42aw, bless ya! lol, i'm about to go read some stuff now, but that was just cute... l8r chick!
7/19/2005 c9 2The wocket in your pocket
Celyn. I salute you. This was quite possibly one of the best stories I have ever read. This story should be made into a novel and published, so incredible is the story. Everything you wrote seemed so real and so probable that I felt like I was reading Frank Herbert. Incredible feat of writing. I'mg now going to go back to what im supposed to be doing and check out more of you later.
R&R Vengeance: Lune plz.
2The wocket in your pocketCelyn. I salute you. This was quite possibly one of the best stories I have ever read. This story should be made into a novel and published, so incredible is the story. Everything you wrote seemed so real and so probable that I felt like I was reading Frank Herbert. Incredible feat of writing. I'mg now going to go back to what im supposed to be doing and check out more of you later.
R&R Vengeance: Lune plz.
7/5/2005 c8 4DarkerLink
O.o
...wow...
I started it, and couldnt stop reading! The concept was really well thought up, and although it is short, it has everything anyone would need. The ending pulls it together, and how in a world of technological advancement (although it doesnt seem that way in the lower levels lol) everybody craves a bit of natural beauty!
4DarkerLinkO.o
...wow...
I started it, and couldnt stop reading! The concept was really well thought up, and although it is short, it has everything anyone would need. The ending pulls it together, and how in a world of technological advancement (although it doesnt seem that way in the lower levels lol) everybody craves a bit of natural beauty!
6/6/2005 c1 1Mad Aristocrat
Quite interesting! The little girls were so cute! I liked the part with the plants and the image of the woman. Made me wonder. I also liked the descriptions of the cities and how you kind of cut it up in to levels.
I love when things are organized like that. Also how the rest of the city dumped on the lower level - That was cool. Again, love the organizatioin.
I'll be sure to read more soon. I'm in school right now and bells about to ring so yeah... If it's not to much to ask could you possibly check out my story. Eh...I accidently repeated a line in one of the paragraphs - sorry about that ahead of time.
I'm going to upload a new story soon too, hope you read that too. Glad I have good stuff to read now.
1Mad AristocratQuite interesting! The little girls were so cute! I liked the part with the plants and the image of the woman. Made me wonder. I also liked the descriptions of the cities and how you kind of cut it up in to levels.
I love when things are organized like that. Also how the rest of the city dumped on the lower level - That was cool. Again, love the organizatioin.
I'll be sure to read more soon. I'm in school right now and bells about to ring so yeah... If it's not to much to ask could you possibly check out my story. Eh...I accidently repeated a line in one of the paragraphs - sorry about that ahead of time.
I'm going to upload a new story soon too, hope you read that too. Glad I have good stuff to read now.
5/22/2005 c8 Majestics-Ghost
Hiyas, (yeah I did just joint o put this review).
Told you I was going to read it :)
Loved the story, very well done, I'll be completely honest and say it blew me away, I was expecting to read a chapter or two today, and so on over the week, but couldnt stop reading :D.
It is such a strange tale, an unbelieveable idea (especially the last two chapters), which works very well, and is written well enough that you can believe it really happening.
A Brilliant Story.
Thank you for telling me about it.
Hiyas, (yeah I did just joint o put this review).
Told you I was going to read it :)
Loved the story, very well done, I'll be completely honest and say it blew me away, I was expecting to read a chapter or two today, and so on over the week, but couldnt stop reading :D.
It is such a strange tale, an unbelieveable idea (especially the last two chapters), which works very well, and is written well enough that you can believe it really happening.
A Brilliant Story.
Thank you for telling me about it.
5/16/2005 c8 2wickedstarr42
so i guess that's the end, huh? dunno, it's not the most conventional story, but i like it. i think, being at stratford, i have developed a taste for the abstract. yay! mike and zoe got together! and i liked that jerei found someone as well. it's a nice story. and it does make u feel all warm and fuzzy inside. and really powerful ending, as well, i think. keep writing! l8r babe!
2wickedstarr42so i guess that's the end, huh? dunno, it's not the most conventional story, but i like it. i think, being at stratford, i have developed a taste for the abstract. yay! mike and zoe got together! and i liked that jerei found someone as well. it's a nice story. and it does make u feel all warm and fuzzy inside. and really powerful ending, as well, i think. keep writing! l8r babe!
5/15/2005 c7 wickedstarr42
aw! yay! i love it! jerei's going to be a mommy! and i love that zoe gets all reunited with her family! and the suspense with like, all the Level 150 police comin to get em! yikes! way good stuf babe. sorry i havnt been able to review for a while. i'm still behind on hw, let alone fp... kiss kiss! keep up the goods
aw! yay! i love it! jerei's going to be a mommy! and i love that zoe gets all reunited with her family! and the suspense with like, all the Level 150 police comin to get em! yikes! way good stuf babe. sorry i havnt been able to review for a while. i'm still behind on hw, let alone fp... kiss kiss! keep up the goods
5/14/2005 c8 Ender351
Hey! This is Ender. I liked the ending. Nice and simple at the end and I'm sure many people are finally cheering that Zoe and Jerei have finally hooked up.
And yes, Ender is from Orson Scott Card's wonderful creations. *applaudes* I'm happy you knew that. Bu tell me, did you stop after Ender's Game or did you finish the series?
Hey! This is Ender. I liked the ending. Nice and simple at the end and I'm sure many people are finally cheering that Zoe and Jerei have finally hooked up.
And yes, Ender is from Orson Scott Card's wonderful creations. *applaudes* I'm happy you knew that. Bu tell me, did you stop after Ender's Game or did you finish the series?