3/3/2005 c1 42Jack Cackler
An exercise in brevity, yes, but therein lies wit. I'm always impressed when a writer can pull off a story without using names. This was touching, and I didn't find the addition of the song's lyrics distracting.

However, even though it wasn't distracting, I don't think the song's inclusion is necessary. I think the piece can stand quite well on its own.

I also want to warn you against cliches... "Her breath caught in her throat", "time had frozen" etc. You had some otherwise wonderful descriptions, particularly in the first paragraph, describing the winter having lost its chill.

And of course, the theme of anxiety in the absence of a loved one is suitably clear. As an exercise in narrative and mood, it works quite well.