for The Angels Rose3/17/2005 c3 
3Parsnip
Um, just a personal preference, but could you refrain from having people talk in caps? You've already described how their talking by saying they're shouting and in one case squealing in delight, so, haivng things in caps is redundant.
Other then that preference, I still really like where you're taking this fic. It will be interesting to find out that little extra something that happened between Lakin and Naiya, not to mention what Frey has against his brother. There is some major sibling rivalry going on here!
Thanks for the speedy update!
3ParsnipUm, just a personal preference, but could you refrain from having people talk in caps? You've already described how their talking by saying they're shouting and in one case squealing in delight, so, haivng things in caps is redundant.
Other then that preference, I still really like where you're taking this fic. It will be interesting to find out that little extra something that happened between Lakin and Naiya, not to mention what Frey has against his brother. There is some major sibling rivalry going on here!
Thanks for the speedy update!
3/16/2005 c2 Parsnip
Wouldn't others have seen Eron and Frey fighting in the park? Or was it deserted? Other then that, awesome story you've got going here! I wonder why Eron is so set on thinking that it was his destiny/fated to be with Edena.
Also, it'll be interesting to find out what the queen, jabir and olivia decide to do with Edena. My guess is that Edena will be forced to become queen, she'll run away, and then mad search will happent o find her...but I"ll just have to wait and see what happens.
Wouldn't others have seen Eron and Frey fighting in the park? Or was it deserted? Other then that, awesome story you've got going here! I wonder why Eron is so set on thinking that it was his destiny/fated to be with Edena.
Also, it'll be interesting to find out what the queen, jabir and olivia decide to do with Edena. My guess is that Edena will be forced to become queen, she'll run away, and then mad search will happent o find her...but I"ll just have to wait and see what happens.
3/14/2005 c2 starlightshine
This is quite the story please continue
This is quite the story please continue
3/4/2005 c1 12SkyeWolf25
Meh, its nice to hear middle English every now and then, so no I am not going to butcher you over the whole 'thou' thing. Its tricky to use, but you did a good job of it for the first time around. Anyway, I first bumbled onto this by the title. "The Angels Rose" Just loved the title and thought the story it lead must be interesting and it has been. Its beautiful and very touching in the beginning and just builds depth from there on. I do want to say you may want to not use numbers like 13 and 17 and switch over to the longer spelled out way of writing them. That was slightly irritating, but the only thing I noticed that seemed a little off. Otherwise, update this soon, I am anxious to hear more about this universe.
12SkyeWolf25Meh, its nice to hear middle English every now and then, so no I am not going to butcher you over the whole 'thou' thing. Its tricky to use, but you did a good job of it for the first time around. Anyway, I first bumbled onto this by the title. "The Angels Rose" Just loved the title and thought the story it lead must be interesting and it has been. Its beautiful and very touching in the beginning and just builds depth from there on. I do want to say you may want to not use numbers like 13 and 17 and switch over to the longer spelled out way of writing them. That was slightly irritating, but the only thing I noticed that seemed a little off. Otherwise, update this soon, I am anxious to hear more about this universe.