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for Timeless Project

11/12/2018 c20 P4-34-M0
This story needs an update, or a reboot.
11/12/2018 c14 Guest
... You spent updatetion wrong...
11/12/2018 c11 Guest
This is pretty good so far! I understand that it hasn't been updated in a number of years, but i think it's still a solid read that's worth the time. The only suggestion I have is to maybe spend a little more time dwelling on events, fleshing them out to give a less succinct feel to the story flow. Other then that, great work!
7/12/2014 c20 2Joshua Harper
This story is really good :3 I'd love to see another update, if you're still alive that is :P
3/15/2008 c20 9SapphireIris
I'm still reading it! I do like it, by the way. This chapter was very short and a bit fragmented, but hey! It was a chapter. Keep writing, eh?

3/14/2008 c20 2Arej
Well, long time no see! Nice to see you back again. I'll admit I'd forgotten some of this, but it came back after a little reading...

Now on to the review!

On my second readover, this becomes a concern: "If Invincible, or parts of Invincible still exist, then I’m not obsolete. I still have a purpose!" Um...but he 'defeats' Invincible. So is he obsolete now, or does it no longer matter?

And...okay, so he thinks something's wrong with his head. -Why-? is it because of the new feeling, or is it just something random you dropped in there?

"As the card-creating beam had been the absence of light, so this beam was, in essence, the presence." I love the imagery and the meaning of this line. Very...something. Very stylistically intriguing and interesting.

" robot that had only just finished pulverizing the building it had been working on"...I can't help but think this reads clunky. I can't quite place my finger on where or why, but it feels...not awkward, but too word-heavy, too thought-heavy.

I do like that the rainbow beam stops being rainbow. Linking it back to the card, to Toxarin, is good...nothing wrong with leaving it rainbow, but then it would have seemed somewhat pointless to link to the card. So I like that you linked it back, both color-wise and consistency-wise.

"mechanized menace'...I like that line.

"substance that was now bubbling eerily, and melting away at anything it touched" I'm not sure, but I think the comma there is unnecessary.

A quick stylistic note: you rely a little on passivity, the demon "was". Not criticism! I certainly have done it myself, and it's an uphill battle to remove it from my writing when I use it all the time in everyday conversation, but eliminating the majority of the demon "was" and all its cousins (is, are, blah blah blah) will help your work to read more aciton-y. Not that it isn't already action-full, heh, but it'll make it more of a here-and-now mindset, not a it-already-happened mindset.

Again, no criticism, just a friendly passing along of a note I have received myself.

"Almost all of the slime was now thrown off onto the ground where it hissed for another few moments, then disappeared; it had accomplished the task John had meant it for, though." Eh...reads clunky. Reads awkward, too.

I like that he uses a variety of attacks. Obviously the toxic sludge/rainbow light thing isn't easily reusable, but he doesn't rely on just fireballs. It's refreshing. nor does he rely on only...magic? I forget if that's what you call it - and that's a refresher, too.

I do have to wonder why, with all these seemingly high-energy attacks, he doesn't seem to need much of a recharge.

...also...maybe it's just me, but for something "invincible", it seems to be quickly defeated.

Nice ending line, too.

Anyway, like I said before, nice to see you back. Happy writing!

BB- Arej
9/26/2007 c19 11la faye
very well written, cant wait till Rachel comes back into the story,
8/1/2007 c18 9SapphireIris
"Horrible length of time..." (nods) I thought you'd never update! I see John's other personality is starting to show itself more often... I want to see what happened to Rachel.

Non-plot related constructive criticisms: I'd like to see some more imagery. When you do it, you do it well... you just don't do it enough! Try to put other senses other than sight in there too, like smell or hearing. Verbs are your friend here :)

Personally, I like longer chapters, but if you get a majority of readers wanting shorter chapters, it's not a huge deal. More of a personal preference.


11/4/2006 c17 SapphireIris
Ah, sorry I haven't reviewed in so long, but I was gone.

Since the plot has thickened... please update. Or I'll have to go psycho on you.


That's all I have to say, because I haven't slept for over 24 hours and formulating a proper review seems impossible at this point.
7/31/2006 c17 7Liobit
Woa, creepy. This peace thing doesn't look too good though; what about those people down where John first was? Seems there's a flaw in everything. Can't wait for the next chatper!
7/19/2006 c17 2Arej
Ayah! Obsolete? Purposeless? How can they be that...? If John killed the toxarin, and no one else seems to be able to do it on their own, then couldn't that be a suitable purpose?

And...bastards! Destroying the projects! It's a damnable good thing that the projects survived, but still. Still! Cruel of them.

...I wonder what's going to happen now...

BB- Arej
7/19/2006 c16 Arej
Well now. I was quite amazed to see that there was more - I guess I gave up hope, whoops, my mistake - and especially so to see that there was a sixteenth chapter I somehow managed to miss. Anyway, well done.

John's comment to Lana was very well done, and her reaction hints at something more to her character. I like the development, John's observations, everything, really.

Well written.

BB- Arej
7/13/2006 c16 7Liobit
Horah for the flying horse monkeys! But seriously, that is some serious luck you have there that you transfered the writing folder only minutes before. Serious luck.So...I'm guessing that this Geye Governor is someone who knows about the 10-year experiment? Cool. It's nice to see that John is making some headway in this werid future. Very nice indeed. However, it also seems kind of odd that he wasn't expecting John. Unless the records were lost of how long they'd been in there, which is very probable judging by the condition of the city, Geye should have known when the 10 years where up. But even if he didn't, he couldn't be all that surprised, could he? *sigh* I suppose I'll find out in the next chapter. Update soon!
And here I thought it had died. Huh. Anyway, this chapter seemed kind of slow to me. I also really don't see the relevance of the über-short skirt thing, either. Although, the ending to this chapter was nice. Just don't take another several months to update again, or I might just have to kill myself XD.

Keep it up.
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