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for All for the love of a Thief

4/8/2005 c1 3Mass Descent
...arghk try a direct link

http:/w.fictionpress.com/read.php?storyid=1680651&chapter=9

i hope that works? or go to the 8th chapter and just change the 8 to a 9 and hit enter

anyways sorry for not actually reviewing your story. promise i will later!
3/24/2005 c1 Caitlin
You have set up an interesting conflict, with the dying tomorrow but you also set up the more interesting character conflict: her feelings towards her father and the mysterious "him" (a lover perhaps?) Some of your diction is odd, like the use of "Shall" it makes it sound old-timey yes but it is also a bit annoying, especially for younger readers who are used to reading modern text. (I have the same complaint about Tolkien.) Also the use of present tense is really interesting, it's not a journal (is it?) but it sort of carries that immediate, intimate narration of a journal. I think that it is disconcerting but also effective, because it isn't told in past tense the audience doesn't have the idea that they are listening to her tell the story later, we have to guaruntee that she is not about to die and that is unsettling. Protagonists are supposed to be safe and live happily ever after in the end. I really like and think there is a lot of promise here.
3/9/2005 c1 62Cerii-chan
Whoa... It's great, a wonderful teaser, I want to read more!

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