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9/17/2006 c6 2unfeminine wiles
this is a rather fun story! :)

i do believe that you need to deal with the characters more. you do get better with characterization as the chapters go on, though. sometimes words are spelled with their homophones instead of the right way, and those don't pop up in spellcheck so i suggest reading through your chapters after you're done. and um, basically, that' it. update soon! :)
11/22/2005 c5 Innocenzia
wow, i really liked this one. ^^
7/17/2005 c4 6Jueee
wow, I think yuo have some rewally goods stuff here. You dialogue is really entertaining, though i would suggest seperating dialogue from two different people into differrent paragraphs more often, that can be confusing. You seem to have a good idea here, I just think yuo need to claify more what's going on, like are they in uni or high school? And the explanation of Hallie's position in the town I found sort of confusing. Like, I tihmnk you have a really good plot here, you just need to take the time to clarify more, like maybe don't depend so much on dialogue to explain things. K, that sounded realyl bitchy I'm soirry, I'm trying to give costructive advice...:Sanywya, yah, good plot, good dialogue, just ,maybe try to clarify more. don't rush it too much. Anyway, I hope yuo continue! Jude sounds HOT! :P
4/3/2005 c3 12Shattered-Lives
WOW you're very talented! ! !
3/22/2005 c3 1VegasNgolo
Very nice I like it alot plz add more ...

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