for This Time4/12/2005 c1 pernodgilmore
Really liked the feeling in this poem. Loved the imagery/rhyme of "lambs..slaughter.. deaths..daughter". The metre jars a bit in a few places - e.g. the last line of the first stanza. But if its supposed to be a mish mash of rhyme and free verse that can be overcome. The fourth stanza is well constructed, rolls off the tongue nicely and contains evocative images. I find the link between the "verses" and the semi-repeated "chorus" somewhat vague. In the "verses" you are either outside yourself or talking of someone else, but in the "chorus" you refer to yourself definately in the first person. It might be me being unperceptive.Overall, I read the story of someone losing hope after the death of someone close to them. Am i way off? It's been a while since I analysed poetry! I will read more of your stuff though. I always think poetry offers a more direct insight into someones head than prose...you're brave to put it out there!
Really liked the feeling in this poem. Loved the imagery/rhyme of "lambs..slaughter.. deaths..daughter". The metre jars a bit in a few places - e.g. the last line of the first stanza. But if its supposed to be a mish mash of rhyme and free verse that can be overcome. The fourth stanza is well constructed, rolls off the tongue nicely and contains evocative images. I find the link between the "verses" and the semi-repeated "chorus" somewhat vague. In the "verses" you are either outside yourself or talking of someone else, but in the "chorus" you refer to yourself definately in the first person. It might be me being unperceptive.Overall, I read the story of someone losing hope after the death of someone close to them. Am i way off? It's been a while since I analysed poetry! I will read more of your stuff though. I always think poetry offers a more direct insight into someones head than prose...you're brave to put it out there!
3/28/2005 c1 
23Michelle.Walking.Contradiction
Great job, I was first thrown off by the religious catagory, but I am glad I decided to read. I love the change of the lamb to slaughter to lamb equals slaughter. It could mean something different to many people, great job!
23Michelle.Walking.ContradictionGreat job, I was first thrown off by the religious catagory, but I am glad I decided to read. I love the change of the lamb to slaughter to lamb equals slaughter. It could mean something different to many people, great job!