Just In
for That Story I Wrote

9/29/2008 c2 14auburn-haired-sadist-XD
...is any of this supposed to make sense? Because I like it either way. XD
7/2/2005 c2 1Clodhopper
Hey, there again.

Okay, Part II was a bit rushed and slightly difficult to follow because of that reason. The dialogue could use a little work, but this is probably a just for fun story anyway, huh? They're always fun when you've got nothing better to do.


Thanks for your review!
6/30/2005 c2 12Lccorp2
wow...just wow.


Ok, this is seriously some funny stuff. "Almighty bob?" huh.
6/29/2005 c1 1Clodhopper
Reviewing as I go:

Good start, has a nice feel to it.When there is dialogue, there is need for a period only when that sentence is completed. For example: “Somebody had better tell me why the heck we are here on this stupid mountain.” Vampy said, glaring around. “Snow reflects sunlight, you know.” After mountain should be a comma instead of a period."The" should be lowercase, along with another comma after the dialogue: "...after we crossed the River of Fire, and take a gift to the Dragons of Eternity.” The Elite Guard’s commander said. You only need to capitalize a letter after a comma if it's a proper noun, such as a name or a title.Another capitalization note: after the elipses (...) you don't need to capitalize the next letter.Haha, the almighty Bob. I love it.Instead of saying the end of the knife, mention that it's the hilt or handle, as it is, it sounds like the ruby is at the end of the blade itself.Heh, "We get married!"

That was very good. Very cute. I hope my suggestions help you to improve your writing, you've definitely got talent.


Would you mind reviewing one of my stories if you have time please? If you don't want to, that's okay, too.
6/25/2005 c1 Bob
talk about irony... nice.ANYWAY, very nice story.
5/31/2005 c1 32Mayaj
HA! I Came. I read. I laughed my ass off. Another one I didn't get an alert for, dangit. I love Vampy. Awsome ending, awsome conversation in the bedroom. Hehe, I really hope you o somewhere with this.
3/28/2005 c1 Sara Bickley
Very cute and amusing. By all means, post pt. 2!

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