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5/29/2005 c3 8InsaneOleander
.. ?

Is her boyfriend dead?
5/29/2005 c2 InsaneOleander
hm ..

In the beginning of this chapter, you kept switching between present and past tense.

other than that, I don't think anything particularly important really happened.
5/29/2005 c1 InsaneOleander
Some lines seem cliche. Apart from that, I'm intrigued.
5/4/2005 c4 2NomadicWriter
I just want you to know i love your story before i say all this. I still think that you are rushing a little bit with the story and i understand that sometimes that you get caught up in the story and you just want it to hurry up so you can see what people think. I would suggest reading through after your write your chapter and see what you can fix up, i had that problem and i've noticed it as i look back and read at my earlier work - it still may happen to me i dont know! i just want you to know that im not trying to be mean or anything i just want to help you the best way i can. haha yeah i know but a cop and a pi - i dont know what i find so sexy about the whole thing but i guess gangsters are sexy too especially Aaron and i agree he has the whole mystery man thing going on for him. i love you characters and am looking forward to read more and i can't wait to find out more of your plot and where your story is going too. Im especially intrigued to find out more about Aaron.-Kate xoxo
5/1/2005 c2 8bulletproof.cupid
Real interesting start actually. Sad how she stays in the abusive relationship becuase she 'loves' him. I'll come and finish this off tomorrow. It's getting really late so far =( Thanks for the great read,

5/1/2005 c4 52SKATENaked-BlindReaper
I really like the way this story is progressing. And its different, I haven't read anything like it on here so far. You've kept the story interesting and even though hes a mobster you don't have gross descriptions of his hits and the instance when David gets shot. So I'm assuming here that Charm and Aaron will get together soon, right? Becuase if she dies that would be horribley depressing.
5/1/2005 c4 2Nirat
I love your story! It's really unlike the other classics on here. (i.e. - princesses and princes falling in love, nails on chalkboard boy meets girl stories.) I've been trying to find a story that's not so freakin' cliche and you have brought it to me. THANK YOU! Update soon please, please, please! ~ XpkX
4/24/2005 c3 EYpark0623
update update UPDATE UPDATE~
4/10/2005 c3 2NomadicWriter
I liked it! haha i thought that he was a cop or a PI.. (private investigator) lol a pretty long way off from a gangster lol well if he was a PI he probably would have done nothing with the murder going on next door lol. well keep up the good work, am looking forward to the next chapters. -Kate xoxo
4/9/2005 c3 1Brighde
Very nice chapter! I like Aaron's character a lot, good work :)
4/9/2005 c3 EYpark0623
hi's... umm i read yur summary and i read yur story... i like it! its gonna be cute in a twisted way i can tell... ahaha! well keep up the writing! ^_^ *i like the name Charm, its cute!*
4/6/2005 c1 Brighde
Very nice work, I'm captivated. Don't stop writing :P :)
4/6/2005 c2 2cbprice25
4/5/2005 c2 2NomadicWriter
its funny i wasn't expecting him to be a member of a gang, oh well i think your story is great and glad to see the chapters getting longer, i think it was longer. Anyway please update soon I'm dieing to read more and find out what happens and I'm interested to read the part of the story that you have in the summary it looks like an interesting part which had me hooked to the story in the first place, well great story..-Kate xoxo
4/3/2005 c1 NomadicWriter
Great start, you have me intrigued and i can't wait till i read more, the summary had me right in and I just like where your going with it so far, Please update soon.-Kate xoxo
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