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10/20/2005 c2 1Kiakyu
A couple of spelling and grammar errors, but other than that, quite a yarn. You capture the emotions and chaos of what Del has seen well in the first chapter, but I don't know how well the 'out of order' way would work, though you seem to be pulling it off well in the second chapter. But between these two chapters, it lacks continuity.
4/8/2005 c1 4Viresse430
Is this a one-shot, because I think that it would be effective as one. It's a sweet story, but sad as well. Few grammar mistakes like "...happen." Which should be "happened". I didn't notice any others right away, so I should say that the grammar must be pretty well done.
4/8/2005 c1 3Figure Chan
Other than a handful of mistakes (such as , "No, but I can still HERE the marching as thousands of marched to their death. Leaving the rest to remember." I think you meant hear... and also "He walked to a hilly field, knowing whether or not the land was his", you forgot the not... and several other mistakes as such) this story is really really good. Work on the spelling & grammar some more next chapter, and I'm looking forward to reading it! :)

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