for Save Me, Oh Brave Protector5/22/2006 c12 mythweav.r
*laughs* I really liked the way you described the breakfast scene the morning after Ryan got socked! Nice. Made me giggle. And oh.. excellent description on their morning sparring exercise. It is very well done.
Ryan's upset that he has to carry on a "fake" affair with Lee even when he has had so many "non-relationships"? I guess we just have to wait for you to reveal more about him.
I also really like the way you just get on with telling the story and spare us with the usual "Ryan's pov" and "Lee's pov" that many fictionpress authors like to do. However, some things get inserted in so casually that it gets overlooked.. Like the ages of the Royals for example. I don't blame other readers for asking. I caught how old Jasmine, Jasper, Sophia, and Matthew were, but not the rest. I don't think I really know how old Lee is as well. If the main point of a particular sentence or paragraph was about the subject's boot cleaning activities for example, discreetly inserting his age in that sentence will achieve exactly that - discreet age. A normal human's attention is such that you only catch certain bits of information and therefore, only retain a portion of information that is available. But all in all... well done. This story is pretty easy to read and follow. Great job! :)
Ooh.. so now I understand the reason for "the Third" in Ryan's name. Bizarre. Thank God I don't have his dad naming me. *laughs* Good on his mother for coming down hard on his immature actions (the reasons are reasonable, but to behave like that isn't)! But didn't the assassin get caught after Jake got shot? So why the need for more guarding like that and only for a few weeks? I must have lost the plot somewhere...
Hmm... your author's notes explained why Ryan was acting the way he was... but wouldn't it have been better explained if you actually described him as being annoyed by the sounds coming from Lee's room? If you did... i suppose it wasn't too obvious to most of us readers. But thanks for explaining it in ur notes!
*laughs* I really liked the way you described the breakfast scene the morning after Ryan got socked! Nice. Made me giggle. And oh.. excellent description on their morning sparring exercise. It is very well done.
Ryan's upset that he has to carry on a "fake" affair with Lee even when he has had so many "non-relationships"? I guess we just have to wait for you to reveal more about him.
I also really like the way you just get on with telling the story and spare us with the usual "Ryan's pov" and "Lee's pov" that many fictionpress authors like to do. However, some things get inserted in so casually that it gets overlooked.. Like the ages of the Royals for example. I don't blame other readers for asking. I caught how old Jasmine, Jasper, Sophia, and Matthew were, but not the rest. I don't think I really know how old Lee is as well. If the main point of a particular sentence or paragraph was about the subject's boot cleaning activities for example, discreetly inserting his age in that sentence will achieve exactly that - discreet age. A normal human's attention is such that you only catch certain bits of information and therefore, only retain a portion of information that is available. But all in all... well done. This story is pretty easy to read and follow. Great job! :)
Ooh.. so now I understand the reason for "the Third" in Ryan's name. Bizarre. Thank God I don't have his dad naming me. *laughs* Good on his mother for coming down hard on his immature actions (the reasons are reasonable, but to behave like that isn't)! But didn't the assassin get caught after Jake got shot? So why the need for more guarding like that and only for a few weeks? I must have lost the plot somewhere...
Hmm... your author's notes explained why Ryan was acting the way he was... but wouldn't it have been better explained if you actually described him as being annoyed by the sounds coming from Lee's room? If you did... i suppose it wasn't too obvious to most of us readers. But thanks for explaining it in ur notes!
5/22/2006 c11 mythweav.r
I've always been curious, how can a non-Montage citizen join the Cadets and be a guard to the royal family? Even to join a normal police force, you have to be a citizen or at least have permanent residency. Is Lee Australian? And if Ryan isn't the first in line to the throne, then Harris should have said, "but one day, you *might* (as opposed to will) be sitting on that throne."
You know... I don't think Avery would be allowed to ride a motorbike if he couldn't hear. That kind of handicap is a hazard. Honking is meant to warn motorists of hazards and if he can't even hear that, I don't think he'd be eligible for a driving license.
And man... that last bit of interaction between Lee and Ryan was quite voilatile. Wonder what Ryan's problem is. Is she going to be in trouble?
Do I seem like a killjoy to you? Constantly telling you what isn't possible in your story? I really do enjoy your writing and your spelling and grammar's much better compared to many other authors... it's just the inconsistencies with facts that I grapple with...
I've always been curious, how can a non-Montage citizen join the Cadets and be a guard to the royal family? Even to join a normal police force, you have to be a citizen or at least have permanent residency. Is Lee Australian? And if Ryan isn't the first in line to the throne, then Harris should have said, "but one day, you *might* (as opposed to will) be sitting on that throne."
You know... I don't think Avery would be allowed to ride a motorbike if he couldn't hear. That kind of handicap is a hazard. Honking is meant to warn motorists of hazards and if he can't even hear that, I don't think he'd be eligible for a driving license.
And man... that last bit of interaction between Lee and Ryan was quite voilatile. Wonder what Ryan's problem is. Is she going to be in trouble?
Do I seem like a killjoy to you? Constantly telling you what isn't possible in your story? I really do enjoy your writing and your spelling and grammar's much better compared to many other authors... it's just the inconsistencies with facts that I grapple with...
5/22/2006 c10 mythweav.r
Interesting idea... that saving the best Cadet for last bit. Some might contest that, but it works for me... :) I'm glad Lee made it... though of course if she didn't, the story would've been pointless, right? *laughs*
HAA! Lee had to chase the cab driver and she had time to tuck all her hair into the bike helmet? hahahahahahahahah Okay.. so maybe that wasn't realistic, but I suppose even I would have wanted the effect of her hair tumbling down in front of Ryan. *smiles* It's nice that they've finally met. It's even better that you never once rushed their meeting. Very nice proper (and entertaining) build up of their background and separate lives before their acquaintances. I love it!
Interesting idea... that saving the best Cadet for last bit. Some might contest that, but it works for me... :) I'm glad Lee made it... though of course if she didn't, the story would've been pointless, right? *laughs*
HAA! Lee had to chase the cab driver and she had time to tuck all her hair into the bike helmet? hahahahahahahahah Okay.. so maybe that wasn't realistic, but I suppose even I would have wanted the effect of her hair tumbling down in front of Ryan. *smiles* It's nice that they've finally met. It's even better that you never once rushed their meeting. Very nice proper (and entertaining) build up of their background and separate lives before their acquaintances. I love it!
5/22/2006 c9 mythweav.r
Wow.. it took 3 weeks of sex before she asked about "love" and realized it wasn't it? I mean she didn't bother to ask about "love" before she had sex? *faints* She's such a silly girl... *sigh* Besides, it's only been three weeks.. people can't normally decide if something really is "love" that fast. It's usually infatuations and all. *sigh sigh sigh* Silly, idealistic, little girl.
Aiks. You've got a typo error "one goddamn good reason as to your and appearance...".
Great reasoning on part of the Guards to get a guy this time considering Ryan's tendencies *winks* But shouldn't Jake have offered a different last name to the press? If there were investigative reporters who were interested in his background, I'm sure they would eventually find out that he was a guard. Secret Service agents usually keep their identities secret, don't they?
Wow.. it took 3 weeks of sex before she asked about "love" and realized it wasn't it? I mean she didn't bother to ask about "love" before she had sex? *faints* She's such a silly girl... *sigh* Besides, it's only been three weeks.. people can't normally decide if something really is "love" that fast. It's usually infatuations and all. *sigh sigh sigh* Silly, idealistic, little girl.
Aiks. You've got a typo error "one goddamn good reason as to your and appearance...".
Great reasoning on part of the Guards to get a guy this time considering Ryan's tendencies *winks* But shouldn't Jake have offered a different last name to the press? If there were investigative reporters who were interested in his background, I'm sure they would eventually find out that he was a guard. Secret Service agents usually keep their identities secret, don't they?
5/22/2006 c8 mythweav.r
Another interesting chapter here. :) Just another comment (are you sick of my comments already? *laughs* b-b-bb-bbut reviews are meant to give both good and bad points! *laughs*). Considering we're talking about national security here (and the protection of Royals), shouldn't the identity of the personal guards be kept confidential? And if so... why is this mission and appointment not kept secret at all but announced to all the cadets (especially when they're underaged?)? If you're hoping to keep your story real, details like these are pretty important.
*laughs* That clapping bit from Andrew Michaels was funny. I feel so sorry for him! Kew didn't seem all that stern previously though... He seemed quite okay with his twitches and smiles from the earlier chapters.
Another interesting chapter here. :) Just another comment (are you sick of my comments already? *laughs* b-b-bb-bbut reviews are meant to give both good and bad points! *laughs*). Considering we're talking about national security here (and the protection of Royals), shouldn't the identity of the personal guards be kept confidential? And if so... why is this mission and appointment not kept secret at all but announced to all the cadets (especially when they're underaged?)? If you're hoping to keep your story real, details like these are pretty important.
*laughs* That clapping bit from Andrew Michaels was funny. I feel so sorry for him! Kew didn't seem all that stern previously though... He seemed quite okay with his twitches and smiles from the earlier chapters.
5/22/2006 c7 mythweav.r
Hmm... you sure? I think the twins-connection thing is often overrated... I know a number of identical twins and they don't have that. *laughs* But it's popular in fiction. :) The whole part where Ryan just became so typical of rich, idiots who sleep with every chick is so yucks, so disappointing *head droops* I'm not into idolizing people who are larger than life, but Prince William earns my respect because he's not some party animal or the kind to take advantage of his royalty and his popularity. *sigh* How sad, what happened to Ryan, how sad... I liked him in the beginning.. *sigh* How sad he's turn out into a disgusting idiot. Darn... and I thought he'd be this nice, clean Royal in the beginning...
Aww.. and that part with the half-eaten ice cream is just so.. "aw"
Hmm... you sure? I think the twins-connection thing is often overrated... I know a number of identical twins and they don't have that. *laughs* But it's popular in fiction. :) The whole part where Ryan just became so typical of rich, idiots who sleep with every chick is so yucks, so disappointing *head droops* I'm not into idolizing people who are larger than life, but Prince William earns my respect because he's not some party animal or the kind to take advantage of his royalty and his popularity. *sigh* How sad, what happened to Ryan, how sad... I liked him in the beginning.. *sigh* How sad he's turn out into a disgusting idiot. Darn... and I thought he'd be this nice, clean Royal in the beginning...
Aww.. and that part with the half-eaten ice cream is just so.. "aw"
5/22/2006 c5 mythweav.r
Ah.. I got carried away reading and forgot to leave a review for the earlier chapter! Ah well... good stuff =)
Ah.. I got carried away reading and forgot to leave a review for the earlier chapter! Ah well... good stuff =)
5/22/2006 c3 mythweav.r
Hmm... is it really that important to dismantle a rifle quickly? I thought what was crucial (in armed combat, etc) is to actually put a rifle TOGETHER as fast as possible before it's too late and the enemy catches you unready. And Jonas Kew's shooting record is really unbelievable. It isn't really humanly possible because even though a person can have fast reflexes, it still takes time for the senses to take in information, for the brain to process what the senses have taken in, to analyze and create a mental picture of what it is, and then to interpret it before making a judgement and then sending another signal to our motor muscles to work the way we want it to respond to environmental stimuli. Being such the case, for a person to consistently shoot targets accurately (you don't want to hit potential innocents or hostages) with an average of close to 3 targets per second NONSTOP for 15 seconds is pretty close to impossible. Neurons also have recovery periods after every firing to rest and recharge before it could fire again. I'm pretty sure a normal person whon has to take in so much information and react so fast would need a few secs to just pause before he/she continues because of our biological limitations. Besides, I'm pretty sure he'd need to whirl around to look and hit at his targets, and that would take some split seconds as well (to turn and also to adjust his vision). Sorry.. I'm just picky about facts... And my studies in cognition and perception just can't let me take this in so easily. *laughs* But I suppose you were just trying to emphasize how unhumanly awesome he is, right? *smiles*
That part where Lee missed the dummy's shoulder and hit somewhere else was hilarious.. HahhAha. Nice side to the royal siblings =) What's with the comment by the Briggy that Lee wasn't that good a shot? Was she purposely messing up her shots before this?
Hmm... is it really that important to dismantle a rifle quickly? I thought what was crucial (in armed combat, etc) is to actually put a rifle TOGETHER as fast as possible before it's too late and the enemy catches you unready. And Jonas Kew's shooting record is really unbelievable. It isn't really humanly possible because even though a person can have fast reflexes, it still takes time for the senses to take in information, for the brain to process what the senses have taken in, to analyze and create a mental picture of what it is, and then to interpret it before making a judgement and then sending another signal to our motor muscles to work the way we want it to respond to environmental stimuli. Being such the case, for a person to consistently shoot targets accurately (you don't want to hit potential innocents or hostages) with an average of close to 3 targets per second NONSTOP for 15 seconds is pretty close to impossible. Neurons also have recovery periods after every firing to rest and recharge before it could fire again. I'm pretty sure a normal person whon has to take in so much information and react so fast would need a few secs to just pause before he/she continues because of our biological limitations. Besides, I'm pretty sure he'd need to whirl around to look and hit at his targets, and that would take some split seconds as well (to turn and also to adjust his vision). Sorry.. I'm just picky about facts... And my studies in cognition and perception just can't let me take this in so easily. *laughs* But I suppose you were just trying to emphasize how unhumanly awesome he is, right? *smiles*
That part where Lee missed the dummy's shoulder and hit somewhere else was hilarious.. HahhAha. Nice side to the royal siblings =) What's with the comment by the Briggy that Lee wasn't that good a shot? Was she purposely messing up her shots before this?
5/22/2006 c2 mythweav.r
I'm not quite sure if Princes actually get a number at the back of their names.. Only kings and queens get "the third" and all, don't they? Also, if he's not the immediate heir to the throne, imho, it seems even less likely that he should be called "the Third". Even among common folk, they're only given "the Third" when they have a full name, which you mention later in the chapter that they do not have (actually, don't they still have their previous' father's name and have the option to stick with it or change to their stepfather's last name?). But do correct me if I'm wrong! :)
My mouth is absolutely twitching at the term "Royal Announcer". Don't they have another title? Announcer doesn't seem so classy.. And I thought they usually have other roles besides just making announcements. *laughs* Anyway, I'm no more wiser than you are. So don't take my word as authority!
Btw, Harriet kneeled down on a very tattered "..."? You ended on tattered. *grins*
I am absolutely delighted with this chapter! I love the interaction between your characters because they don't seem plastic, but believable; they don't seem godlike, but human and believable. And the interactions make me laugh and want to join them. You've got good writing flow, nice, no annoying styles or grammatical and spelling errors, etc.. Fantastic! The introduction of your characters are done very well. No suffering through the endless (cliched) opening descriptions of how goodness-to-God gorgeous they are with their impossibly green eyes and perfect hair and skin and figure, bla bla. I hope it is done in a very tactful manner that flows with the story's unfolding. I'm looking forward to the other chapters! :)
I'm not quite sure if Princes actually get a number at the back of their names.. Only kings and queens get "the third" and all, don't they? Also, if he's not the immediate heir to the throne, imho, it seems even less likely that he should be called "the Third". Even among common folk, they're only given "the Third" when they have a full name, which you mention later in the chapter that they do not have (actually, don't they still have their previous' father's name and have the option to stick with it or change to their stepfather's last name?). But do correct me if I'm wrong! :)
My mouth is absolutely twitching at the term "Royal Announcer". Don't they have another title? Announcer doesn't seem so classy.. And I thought they usually have other roles besides just making announcements. *laughs* Anyway, I'm no more wiser than you are. So don't take my word as authority!
Btw, Harriet kneeled down on a very tattered "..."? You ended on tattered. *grins*
I am absolutely delighted with this chapter! I love the interaction between your characters because they don't seem plastic, but believable; they don't seem godlike, but human and believable. And the interactions make me laugh and want to join them. You've got good writing flow, nice, no annoying styles or grammatical and spelling errors, etc.. Fantastic! The introduction of your characters are done very well. No suffering through the endless (cliched) opening descriptions of how goodness-to-God gorgeous they are with their impossibly green eyes and perfect hair and skin and figure, bla bla. I hope it is done in a very tactful manner that flows with the story's unfolding. I'm looking forward to the other chapters! :)
5/21/2006 c15 dee
hehehehe, i love their arguments. i love it. please update soon!
hehehehe, i love their arguments. i love it. please update soon!
5/20/2006 c13 
3R. A. Faith
Oh yeah, forgot to say thanks for writing the paragraphs just for me at the end of your chapter. It reminded me that I'm alive and working. So far...
3R. A. FaithOh yeah, forgot to say thanks for writing the paragraphs just for me at the end of your chapter. It reminded me that I'm alive and working. So far...
5/20/2006 c15 R. A. Faith
Um, that dude was Jamie Johnston. Thanx for the um, comments, suggestions, whatever you call it. I was sorta wondering whether anyone was actually reading that story... Thanks for updating!
Um, that dude was Jamie Johnston. Thanx for the um, comments, suggestions, whatever you call it. I was sorta wondering whether anyone was actually reading that story... Thanks for updating!
5/20/2006 c15 1GNIP
Your story demands more reviews then the ones you're getting. Really good, funny, and original.
update soon
1GNIPYour story demands more reviews then the ones you're getting. Really good, funny, and original.
update soon
5/20/2006 c15 15Melika Elena
Great story so far. I'm really enjoying the characters and the plot, which is different from other "agents who fall in love with the person they're protecting" and yadda yadda.
However, there are a few things that I think could be better.
I really like Lee, don't get me wrong, but she's border line stereotypical: a bright girl who is really witty and doesn't take crap from anyone and is pretty and blah blah blah. I liked the fact that you gave her crushes- that was good, considering that most heroines are girls whose motto is "boys and love are bad". However, I think that her mood swings are a little too unrealistic. Like in this chapter, when Ryan is saying, "So I guess the dance is next week." She totally got pissed off about that, amongst other things. It seems like one minute she's fine, the next she's pissed off, and then the next she's guilty for her actions. The whole thing is just getting kind of redundant.
Granted, I realize that Ryan is a bit of an asshole, but Lee needs to lighten up and go through some character growth. I think there should be a monologue where she makes a conscious effort to keep her temper around Ryan.
Other than that, I'm really enjoying the story. The fact that Ryan has so many siblings is hard to keep track of sometimes, but I love all of them, even Jasper.
Until next time!
15Melika ElenaGreat story so far. I'm really enjoying the characters and the plot, which is different from other "agents who fall in love with the person they're protecting" and yadda yadda.
However, there are a few things that I think could be better.
I really like Lee, don't get me wrong, but she's border line stereotypical: a bright girl who is really witty and doesn't take crap from anyone and is pretty and blah blah blah. I liked the fact that you gave her crushes- that was good, considering that most heroines are girls whose motto is "boys and love are bad". However, I think that her mood swings are a little too unrealistic. Like in this chapter, when Ryan is saying, "So I guess the dance is next week." She totally got pissed off about that, amongst other things. It seems like one minute she's fine, the next she's pissed off, and then the next she's guilty for her actions. The whole thing is just getting kind of redundant.
Granted, I realize that Ryan is a bit of an asshole, but Lee needs to lighten up and go through some character growth. I think there should be a monologue where she makes a conscious effort to keep her temper around Ryan.
Other than that, I'm really enjoying the story. The fact that Ryan has so many siblings is hard to keep track of sometimes, but I love all of them, even Jasper.
Until next time!
5/20/2006 c15 6Pandemonium Express
Haha, writing at exam time! Tsk! I understand all too well though-blarghiness. If there was a procrastination religion, I'd be Head Honcho! ...or maybe a bit less (but only if there isn't too much work involved). I always play online, or write, or draw late into the night before starting work or studying. -_- However, I have FINISHED my exams! And High School! MUAHAHAHAHA!...um...ahem, sorry. I'm still not over it. ^_^ It's a happy feeling. Good luck with your exams, by the way!
Yay for Hattie! It's good to have her back, albeit briefly-Lee needs a good friend around. And I was so happy to see Lee getting along with Sophia! She's so cute! -^_^- haha, but I'm always a sucker for the child side characterS, so my opinion is biased.
hehe...not acting, eh? I noticed that earlier plus their interactions are amazingful. (Lee and Ryan, that is)
I kind like Ryan's friends so far, but it's too early to judge, since we haven't seen much of them. They seem like a fun, down-to-earth bunch-not boot-lickers in any way, which makes sense.
As always, CAN'T WAIT TO READ MORE! ^_^ 'cause you are beautiful no matter what they say, WORDS can't bring you down! (sorry, not a huge fan of that song; but it fits! XD ) I eagerly await more wordage from you
6Pandemonium ExpressHaha, writing at exam time! Tsk! I understand all too well though-blarghiness. If there was a procrastination religion, I'd be Head Honcho! ...or maybe a bit less (but only if there isn't too much work involved). I always play online, or write, or draw late into the night before starting work or studying. -_- However, I have FINISHED my exams! And High School! MUAHAHAHAHA!...um...ahem, sorry. I'm still not over it. ^_^ It's a happy feeling. Good luck with your exams, by the way!
Yay for Hattie! It's good to have her back, albeit briefly-Lee needs a good friend around. And I was so happy to see Lee getting along with Sophia! She's so cute! -^_^- haha, but I'm always a sucker for the child side characterS, so my opinion is biased.
hehe...not acting, eh? I noticed that earlier plus their interactions are amazingful. (Lee and Ryan, that is)
I kind like Ryan's friends so far, but it's too early to judge, since we haven't seen much of them. They seem like a fun, down-to-earth bunch-not boot-lickers in any way, which makes sense.
As always, CAN'T WAIT TO READ MORE! ^_^ 'cause you are beautiful no matter what they say, WORDS can't bring you down! (sorry, not a huge fan of that song; but it fits! XD ) I eagerly await more wordage from you