for Shallow Water, Little Rock6/23/2007 c1 
1Marie Ellen
This poem is really interesting. It took me a little while to get into it, but I'm glad I gave it another chance. Fascinating to read just about a rock and water, and then suddenly find myself reading so much more into it-the rock and the water could be anything.
This line "sometimes little rock got drowned"-I don't know if that was an intentional mistake, for a more speech-like effect, but I think it should be, "rock was drowned." Then the line "when shallow water rise," it should be "shallow water rose." Lastly, the fourth line of the first stanza is the only spot where it's "the" rock instead of "little" rock. I think "little" would actually work better for the rhythm, so unless you want to call particular attention to that spot by breaking hte rhythm, a switch might be in order.
Again, great poem, and thanks for the review of Experiments!
1Marie EllenThis poem is really interesting. It took me a little while to get into it, but I'm glad I gave it another chance. Fascinating to read just about a rock and water, and then suddenly find myself reading so much more into it-the rock and the water could be anything.
This line "sometimes little rock got drowned"-I don't know if that was an intentional mistake, for a more speech-like effect, but I think it should be, "rock was drowned." Then the line "when shallow water rise," it should be "shallow water rose." Lastly, the fourth line of the first stanza is the only spot where it's "the" rock instead of "little" rock. I think "little" would actually work better for the rhythm, so unless you want to call particular attention to that spot by breaking hte rhythm, a switch might be in order.
Again, great poem, and thanks for the review of Experiments!
4/27/2007 c1 65Blk Sapphire
Hmm... reading this made me really see the shallow water and a little rock. It's vaguely cumbersome, and maybe that vagueness of such weight makes it hit the nail on the head with the imagery and feeling behind it.
65Blk SapphireHmm... reading this made me really see the shallow water and a little rock. It's vaguely cumbersome, and maybe that vagueness of such weight makes it hit the nail on the head with the imagery and feeling behind it.
3/28/2007 c1 9stalkerlesson101
interesting symbolism. the one small lonely rock against the large imposing water, though shallow it was still much greater then the tiny rock. interesting.
9stalkerlesson101interesting symbolism. the one small lonely rock against the large imposing water, though shallow it was still much greater then the tiny rock. interesting.
3/27/2007 c1 17aridelaine
I really liked this...there seems be a great rhythm and the meaning is great! Keep writing!
17aridelaineI really liked this...there seems be a great rhythm and the meaning is great! Keep writing!
12/17/2005 c1 43Toph Gonzalez
wow, you have personified a little rock as if it had a character of its own. And the water imagery is just serene. I've made a little echo to your poem, Hale Gentle River Stream... check it out =)
43Toph Gonzalezwow, you have personified a little rock as if it had a character of its own. And the water imagery is just serene. I've made a little echo to your poem, Hale Gentle River Stream... check it out =)
11/16/2005 c1 20Pheobe Meryll
Adorable, sweet, lovely. I'm putting it on my favorites - meter and rythem occasionally a bit off, but the simplicity of the metaphor is charming. Keep writing.
20Pheobe MeryllAdorable, sweet, lovely. I'm putting it on my favorites - meter and rythem occasionally a bit off, but the simplicity of the metaphor is charming. Keep writing.
11/15/2005 c1 170MallowsWins
I'm not sure why, but this poem really made me sad. You are truly talented.
Peace, Daze
170MallowsWinsI'm not sure why, but this poem really made me sad. You are truly talented.
Peace, Daze
10/23/2005 c1 3Glassed Rose
That was wonderful! "Little rock had held on tillShallow water ran dry"Your a great writer, Keep writing! ^^
3Glassed RoseThat was wonderful! "Little rock had held on tillShallow water ran dry"Your a great writer, Keep writing! ^^
6/18/2005 c1 6Nobody-n-Particular
This is a good poem with carefully chosen words to fit the tone. I like it, so gentle it feels.
6Nobody-n-ParticularThis is a good poem with carefully chosen words to fit the tone. I like it, so gentle it feels.
6/1/2005 c1 3Pont
Cute! Nicely done. A few grammatical quirks, but, seeing as they were probably for the flow of the poem, it works ^_^Keep writing!~Ponteh
3PontCute! Nicely done. A few grammatical quirks, but, seeing as they were probably for the flow of the poem, it works ^_^Keep writing!~Ponteh
5/8/2005 c1 Clap Clap Raise Your Hands
interesting technique, love the rhyme and structure of this, its really cute but really vivid and quite moving really, well written x weasel within x
interesting technique, love the rhyme and structure of this, its really cute but really vivid and quite moving really, well written x weasel within x
5/2/2005 c1 96Kenske
I'm sorry I havn't reviewed this earlier. It's a wonderful poem. The rhythm is beauitful and simply elegant. The feel is simple and on going. Just over all, excellent.
96KenskeI'm sorry I havn't reviewed this earlier. It's a wonderful poem. The rhythm is beauitful and simply elegant. The feel is simple and on going. Just over all, excellent.
4/22/2005 c1 19Kat-Renee Kittel
What a vivid tale of persistence. We should a take little rock's example.-^..^
19Kat-Renee KittelWhat a vivid tale of persistence. We should a take little rock's example.-^..^