for Trying My Best5/14/2005 c1 lostinscotland
i like it. sounds a lot like how i started writing...minus the fan fiction site. just my competitive nature, really. but whatever.
anyways, since you want feedback on this (and i hope i'm not too late, if you've already entered it places...o.0 ) here are some things i noticed-
"Soon I realize that many of the writers who had posted their fan fictions there are very talented" this sentence is in a past tense, so you want "soon I realized" not "realize
"In the end, much of storyline became twisted up and confusing" you want "much of the storyline" don't forget the "the"s! they're very important.
"They would also tell me what they like or don’t like" again, you're going for a past tense here, so try "what they liked or didn't like"
"I’ve learn from some of my mistakes and this story is much more popular than the first" again, past tense. "I've learned" not "I've learn"
"It is a joy; a gift to be able to express ourselves through writing." um. i'm a big fan of semicolons, but i'm not sure that works there. perhaps a dash, or even a regular colon, or maybe just a comma. but since the second...gah. i forget what it's called. since the second half of the sentence couldn't comprise a sentence in and of itself, since it doesn't have both a subject and a verb, the semicolon thing doesn't work.
"I think it is best try to do my best in all the subjects in school" try "I think it is best to try to do my best" you need that first "to". and it might not hurt to try to find an alternative for one or the other of the "best"s...try not to use the same word too many times in the same sentence.
um, other than that...listen to what your other reviewer said about the commas and not ending a sentence mid-thought, and you should be good to go! but i wish you well in your writing ventures, and i want to thank you for reviewing my story! i appreciate it a lot. ^_^
i like it. sounds a lot like how i started writing...minus the fan fiction site. just my competitive nature, really. but whatever.
anyways, since you want feedback on this (and i hope i'm not too late, if you've already entered it places...o.0 ) here are some things i noticed-
"Soon I realize that many of the writers who had posted their fan fictions there are very talented" this sentence is in a past tense, so you want "soon I realized" not "realize
"In the end, much of storyline became twisted up and confusing" you want "much of the storyline" don't forget the "the"s! they're very important.
"They would also tell me what they like or don’t like" again, you're going for a past tense here, so try "what they liked or didn't like"
"I’ve learn from some of my mistakes and this story is much more popular than the first" again, past tense. "I've learned" not "I've learn"
"It is a joy; a gift to be able to express ourselves through writing." um. i'm a big fan of semicolons, but i'm not sure that works there. perhaps a dash, or even a regular colon, or maybe just a comma. but since the second...gah. i forget what it's called. since the second half of the sentence couldn't comprise a sentence in and of itself, since it doesn't have both a subject and a verb, the semicolon thing doesn't work.
"I think it is best try to do my best in all the subjects in school" try "I think it is best to try to do my best" you need that first "to". and it might not hurt to try to find an alternative for one or the other of the "best"s...try not to use the same word too many times in the same sentence.
um, other than that...listen to what your other reviewer said about the commas and not ending a sentence mid-thought, and you should be good to go! but i wish you well in your writing ventures, and i want to thank you for reviewing my story! i appreciate it a lot. ^_^
4/19/2005 c1 
8Catalyst87
Great essay. I would have to say that you sound like a very bright person, you will do well in life. As far as corrections go, you should use more commas (,) instead of ending your sentences in the middle of a thought. Your a very talented writer and I enjoyed your essay, I hope you continue to write and never give up!
8Catalyst87Great essay. I would have to say that you sound like a very bright person, you will do well in life. As far as corrections go, you should use more commas (,) instead of ending your sentences in the middle of a thought. Your a very talented writer and I enjoyed your essay, I hope you continue to write and never give up!