for Judith10/4/2005 c4 
11Raivyn
Wow. I read the prologue a while back and just now checked to see if you had added anything. I like it! I'm curious about what Judith left out. Keep going! Keep going!
11RaivynWow. I read the prologue a while back and just now checked to see if you had added anything. I like it! I'm curious about what Judith left out. Keep going! Keep going!
9/9/2005 c4 23HopelesslyHopeful
O I really like this story. Very very good. Keep it up and update soon ^_^
23HopelesslyHopefulO I really like this story. Very very good. Keep it up and update soon ^_^
9/1/2005 c4 1Parfume
I want to know what happens, plus the "other" part of Judith's story. Please update soon!
1ParfumeI want to know what happens, plus the "other" part of Judith's story. Please update soon!
8/15/2005 c1 19Andor
A gripping prologue that makes the reader want to read more. It's first paragraph is absolutely stunning, perfectly polished. Clean.
The author, however, loses herself in the second paragraph ever so slightly. The styles of the two paragraphs clash. The second one is not so polished, words and ideas are repeated in such a way that, in this reader's opinion, the prologue suffers of it. For it is clear that this repetition is done without any desire to emphasis, say, the thoughts or the situation of the young lass. Examples of this problem follow:
*"So she found a bench in Wisteria Park, which was surrounded by hostile, ebony skyscrapers and abandoned apartments. The wrought-iron bench she chose was guarded by two willows" Not only is bench repeated twice, but the description is random, and following a complicated structure. "She found a bench guarded by two willows in Wisteria Park, was surrounded by hostile, ebony skyscrapers and abandoned apartments." Is a suggested alternative.
To avoid this review getting exhaustive, I'll leave the details at that, if the author should desire more, she should e-mail me and I will gladly add a comment to everything.
It is strongly suggested for the author to revise the second paragraph to improve it.
Cheers.
19AndorA gripping prologue that makes the reader want to read more. It's first paragraph is absolutely stunning, perfectly polished. Clean.
The author, however, loses herself in the second paragraph ever so slightly. The styles of the two paragraphs clash. The second one is not so polished, words and ideas are repeated in such a way that, in this reader's opinion, the prologue suffers of it. For it is clear that this repetition is done without any desire to emphasis, say, the thoughts or the situation of the young lass. Examples of this problem follow:
*"So she found a bench in Wisteria Park, which was surrounded by hostile, ebony skyscrapers and abandoned apartments. The wrought-iron bench she chose was guarded by two willows" Not only is bench repeated twice, but the description is random, and following a complicated structure. "She found a bench guarded by two willows in Wisteria Park, was surrounded by hostile, ebony skyscrapers and abandoned apartments." Is a suggested alternative.
To avoid this review getting exhaustive, I'll leave the details at that, if the author should desire more, she should e-mail me and I will gladly add a comment to everything.
It is strongly suggested for the author to revise the second paragraph to improve it.
Cheers.
8/11/2005 c3 free-to-dream15
Oh you have to update very soon! I want to find out the rest of the story to her past. Her dad sounds like a huge creep! The only tip I would give you right now is to make your chapters longer, they seem a little too short. Other than that it's a very good story. post more soon!
Oh you have to update very soon! I want to find out the rest of the story to her past. Her dad sounds like a huge creep! The only tip I would give you right now is to make your chapters longer, they seem a little too short. Other than that it's a very good story. post more soon!
8/11/2005 c2 free-to-dream15
I still like the description in this chapter, not as much as the last, but it was still good seeing as there was really no need for it here. So far I like Kevin..I am curious to see what lures him back or why he leaves for that matter...
I still like the description in this chapter, not as much as the last, but it was still good seeing as there was really no need for it here. So far I like Kevin..I am curious to see what lures him back or why he leaves for that matter...
8/11/2005 c1 free-to-dream15
I am going to review chapter by chapter, if that's ok. I like how you were very descriptive in this chapter. It really helped paint a picture in my mind. I wonder why she is fleeing..only one way to find out *clicks the button*
I am going to review chapter by chapter, if that's ok. I like how you were very descriptive in this chapter. It really helped paint a picture in my mind. I wonder why she is fleeing..only one way to find out *clicks the button*
7/25/2005 c4 Nobody-n-Particular
Yay, you are continuing! Very good of you. I like the conversation in this, quite intriguing. Keep it going!
Yay, you are continuing! Very good of you. I like the conversation in this, quite intriguing. Keep it going!
7/15/2005 c5 6Nobody-n-Particular
You have 98 darn reviews for only 5 chapters! My god, that is unbelievable and you think it is a lack of readers? Impossible. I am not discouraged when I only have 31 or so reviews for my 7 chapter story. I mean, it is not just about the reviews. And come on, you have quite a great amount. So what is there to complain about? Do you write merely to please, or write for your soul?
6Nobody-n-ParticularYou have 98 darn reviews for only 5 chapters! My god, that is unbelievable and you think it is a lack of readers? Impossible. I am not discouraged when I only have 31 or so reviews for my 7 chapter story. I mean, it is not just about the reviews. And come on, you have quite a great amount. So what is there to complain about? Do you write merely to please, or write for your soul?
7/15/2005 c5 Lady Knight Bella
Oh don't quit now! You have such talent in your writing, Judith is like a novel and vignette combined, it's new and fantastic. Give readers a chance to experience it before you cut it short!
Oh don't quit now! You have such talent in your writing, Judith is like a novel and vignette combined, it's new and fantastic. Give readers a chance to experience it before you cut it short!
7/15/2005 c5 52SKATENaked-BlindReaper
Dude you have more reviews on the chapters that you've posted so far than all of my stories. I think that you should continue it. Don't worry about how many people are reading it. I mean unless you just don't know how to continue it you shouldn't give up.
Kimmi
52SKATENaked-BlindReaperDude you have more reviews on the chapters that you've posted so far than all of my stories. I think that you should continue it. Don't worry about how many people are reading it. I mean unless you just don't know how to continue it you shouldn't give up.
Kimmi
7/15/2005 c4 92q is for quirks
yay, you updated! good chapter, Robin is very intriguing (or however you spell it). can't wait to see what you're planning with him.
92q is for quirksyay, you updated! good chapter, Robin is very intriguing (or however you spell it). can't wait to see what you're planning with him.
7/15/2005 c4 F.R. Southerland
I think it's a good chapter, but you should've included more about the conversation with Robin and Kevin. Might be good for the characterization. Also, I loved the descriptions. It's nice. Thanks for reviewing my poem, "Falling Angel"
I think it's a good chapter, but you should've included more about the conversation with Robin and Kevin. Might be good for the characterization. Also, I loved the descriptions. It's nice. Thanks for reviewing my poem, "Falling Angel"