for Beware the Silent Warrior9/10/2010 c1 
7CelestialMacabre
Possibly the best poem I have ever read. And I've read some good poems. Your rhythm, word choice, and rhyme scheme is perfect. It's often difficult to find suitable rhymes, but you've done it perfectly in your poem. Well done, well done. I only wish I could write like this.
~Celestial
7CelestialMacabrePossibly the best poem I have ever read. And I've read some good poems. Your rhythm, word choice, and rhyme scheme is perfect. It's often difficult to find suitable rhymes, but you've done it perfectly in your poem. Well done, well done. I only wish I could write like this.
~Celestial
5/11/2006 c1 879Moondog Dozier
Marvelous flow and visual movement. I like how this captures a certain essence of spirit. Well written.
879Moondog DozierMarvelous flow and visual movement. I like how this captures a certain essence of spirit. Well written.
8/5/2005 c1 73Bragi
It's too bad you only have two stories posted, because I think I like you. You are obviously one of a dying breed of poets who bother to concern themselves with rhyming and format.
Speaking of format, I really like the unusual rhyme scheme here. It took me a couple verses to catch on, though-I get the feeling this used to be in stanzas and fictionpress messed up your format, right? That always happens to me, dangit.
And here's the criticism part: there are a few lines that have either too many or too few syllables in them, and it messes up the rhythm. Example 1: "Vanishing before sight". You may want to try "Vanishing before your sight". Example 2: "Like an instrument out of tune". Too long. You could replace "instrument" with the name of a specific instrument, like fiddle or harpstring. That way you have a consistent rhythm in the last lines of each verse: DUM-da-DUM-da-DUM-da-DUM.
"That was great! Keep writing! Aw..."
73BragiIt's too bad you only have two stories posted, because I think I like you. You are obviously one of a dying breed of poets who bother to concern themselves with rhyming and format.
Speaking of format, I really like the unusual rhyme scheme here. It took me a couple verses to catch on, though-I get the feeling this used to be in stanzas and fictionpress messed up your format, right? That always happens to me, dangit.
And here's the criticism part: there are a few lines that have either too many or too few syllables in them, and it messes up the rhythm. Example 1: "Vanishing before sight". You may want to try "Vanishing before your sight". Example 2: "Like an instrument out of tune". Too long. You could replace "instrument" with the name of a specific instrument, like fiddle or harpstring. That way you have a consistent rhythm in the last lines of each verse: DUM-da-DUM-da-DUM-da-DUM.
"That was great! Keep writing! Aw..."
7/20/2005 c1 32eldrin
I can honestly say that this poem has one of the best beats I've seen in a poem on this site. It's steady, flowing, and strong with a sort of underflowing softness. There are remnants of things we should already know or feel, yet this still shows that spark of something new to tell.
32eldrinI can honestly say that this poem has one of the best beats I've seen in a poem on this site. It's steady, flowing, and strong with a sort of underflowing softness. There are remnants of things we should already know or feel, yet this still shows that spark of something new to tell.
5/26/2005 c1 38Andrew Bowman
Im a little intrigued with the use of instramental jargon (trilling, drum, instroment out of tune, singing, marching [perhaps to marching band]). I dont know if you specifically used these jargonistic terms or I am just making a sperlious-corollation.
Perhaps the silient warrior is not a person, but rather a thing?
anyway, good job. Oh and thanks for the correcton of "Thy" to "Thou". Just edited it.
38Andrew BowmanIm a little intrigued with the use of instramental jargon (trilling, drum, instroment out of tune, singing, marching [perhaps to marching band]). I dont know if you specifically used these jargonistic terms or I am just making a sperlious-corollation.
Perhaps the silient warrior is not a person, but rather a thing?
anyway, good job. Oh and thanks for the correcton of "Thy" to "Thou". Just edited it.
5/21/2005 c1 36Sita Fuoco
wonderful poem ^^and by the way about my poem, llamas... im sorry if it had offended you (if it had) its really an inside joke me and my friends have... we believe llamas are sacred ::bows:: and so if you're a llama ::bows to you:: ^_^ screw those people who make fun of others... someday, youll be laughin at them..
36Sita Fuocowonderful poem ^^and by the way about my poem, llamas... im sorry if it had offended you (if it had) its really an inside joke me and my friends have... we believe llamas are sacred ::bows:: and so if you're a llama ::bows to you:: ^_^ screw those people who make fun of others... someday, youll be laughin at them..
5/11/2005 c1 17Luculent Perspicacity
Very nice rhythm and rhyme. The confidence/conscious line throws the flow a little, but overall it's quite good. I like the idea and the metaphor nicely conveys that battle. Great poem. :)
17Luculent PerspicacityVery nice rhythm and rhyme. The confidence/conscious line throws the flow a little, but overall it's quite good. I like the idea and the metaphor nicely conveys that battle. Great poem. :)
5/7/2005 c1 2Baklava
Really awesome poem! I absolute love the metaphor, comparing a silent warrior to conscience, and the fact that you repeated the title at the beginning of each stanza.
Also, thank you so much for reviewing my writings. It means very much to me and I'll admit that I'm not great writer. I also made the corrections you suggested.
BTW: yes, I could not say what the boy did because of the sonnet format, only 14 lines.
2BaklavaReally awesome poem! I absolute love the metaphor, comparing a silent warrior to conscience, and the fact that you repeated the title at the beginning of each stanza.
Also, thank you so much for reviewing my writings. It means very much to me and I'll admit that I'm not great writer. I also made the corrections you suggested.
BTW: yes, I could not say what the boy did because of the sonnet format, only 14 lines.
5/7/2005 c1 charunarikshita
Hello there ^^. I did not find your e-mail to send this personally, so I am replying here. First of all let me say it is a wonderful and instigating piece of poetry you wrote.
But as to my story, I must admit in all honesty I did not like the story either, as strange as it may sound. I wrote it because of the explanation I wanted to give, which was the exact part you liked. I would not have published it if it were not for one of those drives a writer has to have a thermomether of their story through possible reviews from readers.
I do not particularly agree with that phylosophic explanation either. I mean, I do, I would never write something completely out of my way of thinking, but that story is suppose to be thought provoking and dark in certain ways, so I took my own ideas (which are that human beigns are selfish by nature, which does not mean we are evil, but that we do think of us before others, and it would be a little preposterous if we did not.) and thickened them a little. So you may say the very author of the story is a character of it.
I planned on making these series because I am very interested in the human being, and even more by the way people seem to ignore the fact none of us is completely good, we all have cynism, hypocricy, prejudice and other things within our minds, but few are the ones who will admit it. This is a project to sow that "darker" side. And I am very glad for your review, it will give me a boost to go and change that story. hehe.
Thank you. Hugs.
Hello there ^^. I did not find your e-mail to send this personally, so I am replying here. First of all let me say it is a wonderful and instigating piece of poetry you wrote.
But as to my story, I must admit in all honesty I did not like the story either, as strange as it may sound. I wrote it because of the explanation I wanted to give, which was the exact part you liked. I would not have published it if it were not for one of those drives a writer has to have a thermomether of their story through possible reviews from readers.
I do not particularly agree with that phylosophic explanation either. I mean, I do, I would never write something completely out of my way of thinking, but that story is suppose to be thought provoking and dark in certain ways, so I took my own ideas (which are that human beigns are selfish by nature, which does not mean we are evil, but that we do think of us before others, and it would be a little preposterous if we did not.) and thickened them a little. So you may say the very author of the story is a character of it.
I planned on making these series because I am very interested in the human being, and even more by the way people seem to ignore the fact none of us is completely good, we all have cynism, hypocricy, prejudice and other things within our minds, but few are the ones who will admit it. This is a project to sow that "darker" side. And I am very glad for your review, it will give me a boost to go and change that story. hehe.
Thank you. Hugs.