for Fox in the Flowers8/13/2007 c1 
13Eyes Unclouded
Very sweet poem with lovely imagery. I felt like I could have painted something from reading this. I'm not sure if there is a point or message in it that unites the fox, mist, and the final message, although I can understand it as an abstract poem. It's quite beautiful.
13Eyes UncloudedVery sweet poem with lovely imagery. I felt like I could have painted something from reading this. I'm not sure if there is a point or message in it that unites the fox, mist, and the final message, although I can understand it as an abstract poem. It's quite beautiful.
8/3/2006 c1 Chaos A. Mendel
I really like this... it's magical, almost, like a dream. I love the repetition of the 'mist'; it adds so much more to the atmosphere...
I think (like in Amphelice), you can extend the second half, especially the meeting of the fox and what she says to the reader.
I would like to see some closure too, something like seeing her drift back into the mist. I understand what you're going for: the lingering of the last few lines in the reader's mind (they are beautiful lines), but I think you could still accomplish that with more closure at the end. Just my suggestion.
I really like this... it's magical, almost, like a dream. I love the repetition of the 'mist'; it adds so much more to the atmosphere...
I think (like in Amphelice), you can extend the second half, especially the meeting of the fox and what she says to the reader.
I would like to see some closure too, something like seeing her drift back into the mist. I understand what you're going for: the lingering of the last few lines in the reader's mind (they are beautiful lines), but I think you could still accomplish that with more closure at the end. Just my suggestion.
6/10/2006 c1 1rrmehta364
"A darkened mist curls around me
I lose myself in its embrace" : Beautiful lines.
I really liked the poem. The meaning seemed a bit hard, but I think I understood what you were saying by the end.
-bye.
1rrmehta364"A darkened mist curls around me
I lose myself in its embrace" : Beautiful lines.
I really liked the poem. The meaning seemed a bit hard, but I think I understood what you were saying by the end.
-bye.
5/15/2006 c1 20Pheobe Meryll
Oh! I love this! It's so pretty and meaningful and ...poetic. Very airy and musing. *puts on favorites list* I had no idea you could be so poetic about your word choice and structure. You should write more of this sort of thing. (not that I don't like your other stuff, it's great too - i just think it's neat you can do both. I've been wanting to try my hand at a modern thriller for ages upon ages but I haven't gotten a plotline worked out yet and even if I do I tremble at what everyone here will say - Pheobe writing a thriller! lol but it's marvelous you're diverse about what you write.) so...enough rambling. Lovely poem, in short.
20Pheobe MeryllOh! I love this! It's so pretty and meaningful and ...poetic. Very airy and musing. *puts on favorites list* I had no idea you could be so poetic about your word choice and structure. You should write more of this sort of thing. (not that I don't like your other stuff, it's great too - i just think it's neat you can do both. I've been wanting to try my hand at a modern thriller for ages upon ages but I haven't gotten a plotline worked out yet and even if I do I tremble at what everyone here will say - Pheobe writing a thriller! lol but it's marvelous you're diverse about what you write.) so...enough rambling. Lovely poem, in short.
4/19/2006 c1 5Kaggr
Beyond confused, though I'm sure there's some hidden meaning that I've yet to find!
5KaggrBeyond confused, though I'm sure there's some hidden meaning that I've yet to find!
1/29/2006 c1 150SpawnMeister666
For some reason this seems incomplete to me, almost like whatever tale is being told has yet to reach the ending.
I'm waiting for the punchline, for an explanation, and I know it isn't going to be forthcoming.
I already mentioned I don't get poetry didn't I?
Spawny
150SpawnMeister666For some reason this seems incomplete to me, almost like whatever tale is being told has yet to reach the ending.
I'm waiting for the punchline, for an explanation, and I know it isn't going to be forthcoming.
I already mentioned I don't get poetry didn't I?
Spawny