for Devil's Day9/2/2005 c1 
55Lellida
God, this is so amazingly rich and beautifully described! I love it so far. Just watch the tenses of verbs- you kind of switch from present to past and past to present. It makes sense where you do it, but it would help the story if you kept it all in one time. Wow, the way you described everything- with a kind of slow tantilizing language- is just amazing. I love it.
55LellidaGod, this is so amazingly rich and beautifully described! I love it so far. Just watch the tenses of verbs- you kind of switch from present to past and past to present. It makes sense where you do it, but it would help the story if you kept it all in one time. Wow, the way you described everything- with a kind of slow tantilizing language- is just amazing. I love it.
8/27/2005 c5 5Essence of Reality
*stares*
Wow. Those are some powers that Anna has there.
lol. But.. poor doggies.
x_x
Anyways, I have to keep reading. I'll review next chapter too.
xD
5Essence of Reality*stares*
Wow. Those are some powers that Anna has there.
lol. But.. poor doggies.
x_x
Anyways, I have to keep reading. I'll review next chapter too.
xD
8/26/2005 c10 2florida
AH! I didn't realize that you had put up two more chapters... how could I have been so stupid as to not think of looking.
/Hits head frantically/
I like that last part '“Here you sleep, and here you will remain, until true love finds you.' And how you described Anna slipping off the old lady skin. YaY! Your so good at describing Anna’s magic.
Only one mistake in this chapter:
Mistake 1: The first mistake is actually part of that last line in the chapter that I enjoyed so much. “Here you sleep, and here you will remain, until true love finds you. You just need to put these thingys on the end of the sentence, ". Yeah well simple mistake.
2floridaAH! I didn't realize that you had put up two more chapters... how could I have been so stupid as to not think of looking.
/Hits head frantically/
I like that last part '“Here you sleep, and here you will remain, until true love finds you.' And how you described Anna slipping off the old lady skin. YaY! Your so good at describing Anna’s magic.
Only one mistake in this chapter:
Mistake 1: The first mistake is actually part of that last line in the chapter that I enjoyed so much. “Here you sleep, and here you will remain, until true love finds you. You just need to put these thingys on the end of the sentence, ". Yeah well simple mistake.
8/26/2005 c4 5Essence of Reality
Hee! Anna seems cool.
'Not all fairies usedEvery-Day-Magic because most fairies’ flow of magic was not as steady and drawn out as Anna’s was, and they tried to save using magic for special occasions.' Yeah.. should there be a space between used and Every?
'She smiled a tiny bit, closed her eyes and whispered "switch me." ' After 'whispered' should be a comma. And capital 's' for 'switch'.
'The woman was a towns person Anna had found wandering around, off guard. ' town's
'.Meana was still thinking about what had been said to her.' The period shouldn't be at the beginning of the sentence.
'Each time Meana was told there was a shorter amount of time was left for her; first one hour, then half an hour, and then ten minutes.' I don't *think* that you can use a semicolon there. Maybe use the '-' thing. xP
Whoo. Can you tell I'm bored? Yepp.
Anyway, loved the chapter. The magic was awesome, can't wait to read more!
5Essence of RealityHee! Anna seems cool.
'Not all fairies usedEvery-Day-Magic because most fairies’ flow of magic was not as steady and drawn out as Anna’s was, and they tried to save using magic for special occasions.' Yeah.. should there be a space between used and Every?
'She smiled a tiny bit, closed her eyes and whispered "switch me." ' After 'whispered' should be a comma. And capital 's' for 'switch'.
'The woman was a towns person Anna had found wandering around, off guard. ' town's
'.Meana was still thinking about what had been said to her.' The period shouldn't be at the beginning of the sentence.
'Each time Meana was told there was a shorter amount of time was left for her; first one hour, then half an hour, and then ten minutes.' I don't *think* that you can use a semicolon there. Maybe use the '-' thing. xP
Whoo. Can you tell I'm bored? Yepp.
Anyway, loved the chapter. The magic was awesome, can't wait to read more!
8/26/2005 c3 Essence of Reality
I love your character descriptions even more!Cherry has awesome description, as does Oak. And their names are so cool! Okay, can't review now, have to keep reading!
I love your character descriptions even more!Cherry has awesome description, as does Oak. And their names are so cool! Okay, can't review now, have to keep reading!
8/26/2005 c2 Essence of Reality
oo!
'Zees es ceertainly interesteeng.
=D I really liked this chapter. It does a good job with setting the stage for the rest of the story, and I like the characters.
Though... =/ I don't really like the way this chapter is centered. It makes it harder to read.
But I don't think that any of the other chapters are like that, so s'okay. ^_^ Love it so far!
oo!
'Zees es ceertainly interesteeng.
=D I really liked this chapter. It does a good job with setting the stage for the rest of the story, and I like the characters.
Though... =/ I don't really like the way this chapter is centered. It makes it harder to read.
But I don't think that any of the other chapters are like that, so s'okay. ^_^ Love it so far!
8/24/2005 c3 Mirror Images
Hm, this chapter seemed more light-hearted than the rest. Not that I expect it to stay that way. This is a story like World War II...
Anyway, so did we meet the princess AND sleeping beauty (guy version) in this chapter? Or is Oak just someone else? ^.^~ I wonder...
Love the description of Cherry's hair. Thougt I might add that.
Hm, this chapter seemed more light-hearted than the rest. Not that I expect it to stay that way. This is a story like World War II...
Anyway, so did we meet the princess AND sleeping beauty (guy version) in this chapter? Or is Oak just someone else? ^.^~ I wonder...
Love the description of Cherry's hair. Thougt I might add that.
8/24/2005 c1 Essence of Reality
This story certainly sounds interesting. The description of the land and the fairies is very unique. I especially like the 'intentions'. That's a clever idea.
Florida said your stories were awesome, and this one has a really good start! *shifty eyes* Okay, I should keep reading now. ^.^
This story certainly sounds interesting. The description of the land and the fairies is very unique. I especially like the 'intentions'. That's a clever idea.
Florida said your stories were awesome, and this one has a really good start! *shifty eyes* Okay, I should keep reading now. ^.^
8/22/2005 c9 2florida
Yay next chapter! Annabelle is really working at the plot of your story. So we finally find out what she's been plotting... it's sleeping charming. Lol
You did have some mistakes that O'd like to point out to you. When ever you said "king" I didn't know if it was westin or the other guy. And you might want to fix these senteces: “So,” the Queen said, “I suppose you are wondering why I invited you here.”“Yes, I did,” Westin said hastily. 'are' is presant. 'did' is past.
Keep up the great work. ~florida
2floridaYay next chapter! Annabelle is really working at the plot of your story. So we finally find out what she's been plotting... it's sleeping charming. Lol
You did have some mistakes that O'd like to point out to you. When ever you said "king" I didn't know if it was westin or the other guy. And you might want to fix these senteces: “So,” the Queen said, “I suppose you are wondering why I invited you here.”“Yes, I did,” Westin said hastily. 'are' is presant. 'did' is past.
Keep up the great work. ~florida
8/19/2005 c2 Mirror Images
Hm, it's interesting how you start this out in second person. Not many people do that. And the Libbers, they sound cute in a kind of freaky way.
Overall, there was a lot of description this chapter. I'm guessing it was to set up the secene for later on in the story. Always gotta have a few chapters for that, I suppose.
Did you mean to have the whole chapter centered? Because it made it seem a bit like I was reading a poem or the like. Not bad, but a little odd (though it did the give the descriptions a kind of dream like quality).
"If you were walking down this pathway, you would have noticed that everything is green, which is natural, for the pathway leads to no other place than Greenland." That was really funny for some reason. It made me laugh. ^.^~
Oh, and thank for the reviews yesterday. They helped to point out a lot of things I would have probably otherwise missed myself. Thank you very much.
Hm, it's interesting how you start this out in second person. Not many people do that. And the Libbers, they sound cute in a kind of freaky way.
Overall, there was a lot of description this chapter. I'm guessing it was to set up the secene for later on in the story. Always gotta have a few chapters for that, I suppose.
Did you mean to have the whole chapter centered? Because it made it seem a bit like I was reading a poem or the like. Not bad, but a little odd (though it did the give the descriptions a kind of dream like quality).
"If you were walking down this pathway, you would have noticed that everything is green, which is natural, for the pathway leads to no other place than Greenland." That was really funny for some reason. It made me laugh. ^.^~
Oh, and thank for the reviews yesterday. They helped to point out a lot of things I would have probably otherwise missed myself. Thank you very much.
8/19/2005 c8 florida
Yeah definatly made me a little uncomfortable, but Anna definatly has a plan. I'll remember to recommend this to my friends! You better get out the next chapter soon! I like the fact that the queen is in love with this imaginary world I think it makes the plot interesting. I wonder if this is ware the king came from?
Yeah definatly made me a little uncomfortable, but Anna definatly has a plan. I'll remember to recommend this to my friends! You better get out the next chapter soon! I like the fact that the queen is in love with this imaginary world I think it makes the plot interesting. I wonder if this is ware the king came from?
8/19/2005 c3 9soulful-angel
ermm a 17 year old galacting like that.i dun really like the story plot...theres no suspense...but it was ok only though..i bet you could do better..keep up the good wotk
9soulful-angelermm a 17 year old galacting like that.i dun really like the story plot...theres no suspense...but it was ok only though..i bet you could do better..keep up the good wotk
8/18/2005 c2 soulful-angel
hmm.. there is too much description that may get people bored but the way you described things is really good..better than mine. but where is sleeping beauty?he should be out by now..
hmm.. there is too much description that may get people bored but the way you described things is really good..better than mine. but where is sleeping beauty?he should be out by now..
8/18/2005 c1 Mirror Images
Oh wow. I love it when people turn fairytales dark. There's always this edge to it that's just...I don't know, cool. I'm a little wary that this is based off of World War II (that time periods depresses me), but I'm willing to give it a chance anyway. I haven't seen something this interesting in a while. Very, very cool.
Oh wow. I love it when people turn fairytales dark. There's always this edge to it that's just...I don't know, cool. I'm a little wary that this is based off of World War II (that time periods depresses me), but I'm willing to give it a chance anyway. I haven't seen something this interesting in a while. Very, very cool.
8/18/2005 c7 2florida
That was really something, how you used the evil fairies Love against her! "The reason fairies are so powerful and so clever is because they do not love. Love takes up the space in their mind where intelligence and a flow of magic would usually go. But Annabelle was a different fairy. She loved her baby boy and she did not want to lose him. Because she loved him she lost him." That was really really smart.
Oh and that ending... "Queen Anna of El Zanjo de Los Hados requests a meeting with King Westin of Canilton. If it would so please your majesty to meet with the Queen of the fairies at 11:30, Thursday evening in the castle of El Zanjo, Her Grace, the queen of the fairies, would be very obliged. Signed, Queen Annabelle Hethro" So I take it that she mastered the throne sometime between the two chapters. I hope that you go back sometime in the one of your future chapters and tell us how she did it!
Thank you for putting me in the 'reading recognition' at the bottom of your chapter. Yeah, you might want to change the title to reflect more of your story! ~florida
2floridaThat was really something, how you used the evil fairies Love against her! "The reason fairies are so powerful and so clever is because they do not love. Love takes up the space in their mind where intelligence and a flow of magic would usually go. But Annabelle was a different fairy. She loved her baby boy and she did not want to lose him. Because she loved him she lost him." That was really really smart.
Oh and that ending... "Queen Anna of El Zanjo de Los Hados requests a meeting with King Westin of Canilton. If it would so please your majesty to meet with the Queen of the fairies at 11:30, Thursday evening in the castle of El Zanjo, Her Grace, the queen of the fairies, would be very obliged. Signed, Queen Annabelle Hethro" So I take it that she mastered the throne sometime between the two chapters. I hope that you go back sometime in the one of your future chapters and tell us how she did it!
Thank you for putting me in the 'reading recognition' at the bottom of your chapter. Yeah, you might want to change the title to reflect more of your story! ~florida