for Devil's Day8/18/2005 c6 
2florida
I am really starting to like this Anna character of yours, she's very clever, and hopefully has a lot more tricks up her sleeves. I can't wait to see what this 'plan B' is!
I love this part: "What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet."
And Anna's counter was equally amusing: "Roses may smell sweet by whatever name they are called but roses have thorns."
But I think that you could rewrite that part a little better, the grammar I believe was wrong. I think that it should say something like this: Roses may smell sweet by whatever name they are called, but roses have thorns." I think also that you should write something about the thorns to give it more... meaning I guess is the word I'm going for. Either way the saying is still extremely clever!
I can't wait to read the next chapter, and figure out what your cunning character will do next!
2floridaI am really starting to like this Anna character of yours, she's very clever, and hopefully has a lot more tricks up her sleeves. I can't wait to see what this 'plan B' is!
I love this part: "What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet."
And Anna's counter was equally amusing: "Roses may smell sweet by whatever name they are called but roses have thorns."
But I think that you could rewrite that part a little better, the grammar I believe was wrong. I think that it should say something like this: Roses may smell sweet by whatever name they are called, but roses have thorns." I think also that you should write something about the thorns to give it more... meaning I guess is the word I'm going for. Either way the saying is still extremely clever!
I can't wait to read the next chapter, and figure out what your cunning character will do next!
8/16/2005 c5 florida
Umm... ok. It was good though I kinda get freaky with the whole Pirate+Anna thing, I'm kinda... I guess u would say immature. But other wise It was awesome! I can't believe how good you are at describing all of the magic Anna does, it makes it seam so real!
There are a few little mistakes in this chapter too.
Mistake 1: He was supposed to be helping “friend” of his with the load of stole goods... Here's the correction... to be helping a "friend"...
Mistake 2: She could not become invisible because they could stil smell her... I think you mean... still smell her.
Your story is really developing into a really interesting read. I can't wait to read more!~florida
Umm... ok. It was good though I kinda get freaky with the whole Pirate+Anna thing, I'm kinda... I guess u would say immature. But other wise It was awesome! I can't believe how good you are at describing all of the magic Anna does, it makes it seam so real!
There are a few little mistakes in this chapter too.
Mistake 1: He was supposed to be helping “friend” of his with the load of stole goods... Here's the correction... to be helping a "friend"...
Mistake 2: She could not become invisible because they could stil smell her... I think you mean... still smell her.
Your story is really developing into a really interesting read. I can't wait to read more!~florida
8/16/2005 c4 florida
WoW! That chapter was really gripping, but I did find some mistakes...
Mistake 1: And when the old lady did not stop or head towards the window in the to speak... I think that what you are trying to say is this... towards the window to speak.
Mistake 2: She was truly rattled now. She was truly rattled now. You just need to delete the 2nd sentence.
Mistake 3+4: Anna had put a sound barrier them and the scream echoed off the walls of the invisible walls. I think that what you mean is this...sound barrier on/around them... echoed off the invisible walls.
Very interesting chapter and I love your description of Anna. She sounds elegant, dangerous, and pretty at the same time.
Keep up the great work!~florida
WoW! That chapter was really gripping, but I did find some mistakes...
Mistake 1: And when the old lady did not stop or head towards the window in the to speak... I think that what you are trying to say is this... towards the window to speak.
Mistake 2: She was truly rattled now. She was truly rattled now. You just need to delete the 2nd sentence.
Mistake 3+4: Anna had put a sound barrier them and the scream echoed off the walls of the invisible walls. I think that what you mean is this...sound barrier on/around them... echoed off the invisible walls.
Very interesting chapter and I love your description of Anna. She sounds elegant, dangerous, and pretty at the same time.
Keep up the great work!~florida
8/15/2005 c3 florida
All right... no comment on the freakishly forward guy. Though his eyes do fit the discription as a fairies, wich may I add is really pretty. I'm not sure if I like this charecter... Oak... cool name though. He's to randome. I don't think any guy would just come up to a girl like that... in well that period of time. All though, I can't stop thinking about that little ending... "At?" At where?
I love ur description of Cherry, it fits my description of my charecter Jasper in the second chapter of the story you reviewed for me. Thanks by the way, yeah I know I need to work on that grammer/spelling thing. I've never been very good about that.
Anyways... I'm sorry if it seems like I'm obsessed with your story... What with me reviewing u so much, it's just... It's so good, and I can't help but give u complements. This happened with another story that I read that I like alot, and I gave her a review per each chapter. I think, she thinks I'm a stalker or somthing.
so yeah... just thought that I'd let u know ahead of time.
Really great so far, and I can't wait to read the rest!~floridaP.s. Cool idea for a pen name:Kella Trams=Smart Allek
All right... no comment on the freakishly forward guy. Though his eyes do fit the discription as a fairies, wich may I add is really pretty. I'm not sure if I like this charecter... Oak... cool name though. He's to randome. I don't think any guy would just come up to a girl like that... in well that period of time. All though, I can't stop thinking about that little ending... "At?" At where?
I love ur description of Cherry, it fits my description of my charecter Jasper in the second chapter of the story you reviewed for me. Thanks by the way, yeah I know I need to work on that grammer/spelling thing. I've never been very good about that.
Anyways... I'm sorry if it seems like I'm obsessed with your story... What with me reviewing u so much, it's just... It's so good, and I can't help but give u complements. This happened with another story that I read that I like alot, and I gave her a review per each chapter. I think, she thinks I'm a stalker or somthing.
so yeah... just thought that I'd let u know ahead of time.
Really great so far, and I can't wait to read the rest!~floridaP.s. Cool idea for a pen name:Kella Trams=Smart Allek
8/15/2005 c2 florida
Wow, I'm really enjoying this. I love this little part that I copied and pasted in here: "They are also very violent places, which govern themselves as best they can. In other words, whoever punches harder gets the pretty girl." Very funny. And ur style of writting is very different it's sort of like reading from both the past preseant and future! very clever. ~florida
Wow, I'm really enjoying this. I love this little part that I copied and pasted in here: "They are also very violent places, which govern themselves as best they can. In other words, whoever punches harder gets the pretty girl." Very funny. And ur style of writting is very different it's sort of like reading from both the past preseant and future! very clever. ~florida
8/15/2005 c1 florida
I really Like it! You've given me some awsome ideas I can't wait to move on to the second chapter. The fact that u don't have as many reviews as u should have... probably rests with ur tittle. I can't wait to see what u have in store with ur 'fariy tale' next.
I really Like it! You've given me some awsome ideas I can't wait to move on to the second chapter. The fact that u don't have as many reviews as u should have... probably rests with ur tittle. I can't wait to see what u have in store with ur 'fariy tale' next.
8/11/2005 c4 11aeria-liko
whoa. this is awesomely creative. please do write more, i am awaiting the next chapter!
11aeria-likowhoa. this is awesomely creative. please do write more, i am awaiting the next chapter!