for Troy4/15/2006 c6 
15Timur
Wow. A lot of inconsistancies and oopsies, but a very compelling story. For all its faults it more then makes up in inginuity and character development.
Pleace continue, I want to see where this is going.
15TimurWow. A lot of inconsistancies and oopsies, but a very compelling story. For all its faults it more then makes up in inginuity and character development.
Pleace continue, I want to see where this is going.
4/15/2006 c6 4Marged Hymffri
I must say, this is a rather different outtake on the typical science fiction story. If you were to condense this into a short story, I think you would have a definite chance of getting it published in a magazine like Analog or Asimov's, as it appears to be something those magazines would accept.
4Marged HymffriI must say, this is a rather different outtake on the typical science fiction story. If you were to condense this into a short story, I think you would have a definite chance of getting it published in a magazine like Analog or Asimov's, as it appears to be something those magazines would accept.
4/15/2006 c6 1VulcanB
This stuff is very addictive! I love the way you keep feeding the reader one small thing after another, really kept me interested. Please write on! :D
1VulcanBThis stuff is very addictive! I love the way you keep feeding the reader one small thing after another, really kept me interested. Please write on! :D
2/23/2006 c5 Murrquan
This was an intriguing story. Intriguing, and very entertaining. And it probably had the best ff.net summary I've ever seen.
I couldn't recognize all of the characters, and the paragraphs were really short sometimes. The chars were interesting, though, especially the ones who were most well-developed. The main character seemed poorly developed, but it didn't seem like he needed much development.
The world you described was very entertaining and coherent. I wondered why the main char didn't ask more questions of the first people he saw, but it was only a minor inconvenience. I loved seeing how everyone got along with each other, and did things spontaneously like their percussion session. I kept reading because I wanted to find out what this job they were applying for was, and I became comfortable with the characters you had written and got to enjoy hearing about them.
Not a literary masterpiece, but with enough psychological depth to propel it forward, and keep the reader glued to his seat.
But you didn't finish the story. You stopped it right before the end. And for that, I must kill you. .
This was an intriguing story. Intriguing, and very entertaining. And it probably had the best ff.net summary I've ever seen.
I couldn't recognize all of the characters, and the paragraphs were really short sometimes. The chars were interesting, though, especially the ones who were most well-developed. The main character seemed poorly developed, but it didn't seem like he needed much development.
The world you described was very entertaining and coherent. I wondered why the main char didn't ask more questions of the first people he saw, but it was only a minor inconvenience. I loved seeing how everyone got along with each other, and did things spontaneously like their percussion session. I kept reading because I wanted to find out what this job they were applying for was, and I became comfortable with the characters you had written and got to enjoy hearing about them.
Not a literary masterpiece, but with enough psychological depth to propel it forward, and keep the reader glued to his seat.
But you didn't finish the story. You stopped it right before the end. And for that, I must kill you. .
2/21/2006 c5 4Marged Hymffri
*Raises eyebrow in Mr. Spock fashion* Is there an update sometime within the immediate future, I hope?
4Marged Hymffri*Raises eyebrow in Mr. Spock fashion* Is there an update sometime within the immediate future, I hope?
2/18/2006 c2 Marged Hymffri
Great story so far, girl. You wouldn't happen to be majoring in ancient world history yourself now, would you? (I'm quite interested in that myself...)
Great story so far, girl. You wouldn't happen to be majoring in ancient world history yourself now, would you? (I'm quite interested in that myself...)
12/30/2005 c5 8DPTRM
An excellent first five chapters with only minor spelling and grammar errors. The only flaw I feel needs correcting is your introduction of so many characters in such a short span of time. If a character is not going to help the story progress dynammically or be of critical importance to any main character, then try not to name them. They are only nuisances that later must be cleared up and serve mostlyu to confuse a readers' brain with information overload.
All that being said, so far you have developed your plot tremendously and drawn the reader in successfully. Keep it up.
Militarynut32489
8DPTRMAn excellent first five chapters with only minor spelling and grammar errors. The only flaw I feel needs correcting is your introduction of so many characters in such a short span of time. If a character is not going to help the story progress dynammically or be of critical importance to any main character, then try not to name them. They are only nuisances that later must be cleared up and serve mostlyu to confuse a readers' brain with information overload.
All that being said, so far you have developed your plot tremendously and drawn the reader in successfully. Keep it up.
Militarynut32489
10/28/2005 c4 25Bric The Great
ok now you got my head spinning. swords, disembodiment, possible death. you have to keep going and fast. i need to know what the hell is going on.
25Bric The Greatok now you got my head spinning. swords, disembodiment, possible death. you have to keep going and fast. i need to know what the hell is going on.
10/9/2005 c3 33Slightly Obsessive
This is very well written, if not slightly recountive. I can't wait to find out what the job is!
33Slightly ObsessiveThis is very well written, if not slightly recountive. I can't wait to find out what the job is!
8/7/2005 c3 1Katlight-Sparkle
Looks like an awesome story.
I love how you manage to introduce most of the cadets through Landon being well . . .Landon. I suppose.
1Katlight-SparkleLooks like an awesome story.
I love how you manage to introduce most of the cadets through Landon being well . . .Landon. I suppose.
8/6/2005 c3 12DobbyGrl
I like all these new characters. I especially like landon. He's full of all sort of information!
12DobbyGrlI like all these new characters. I especially like landon. He's full of all sort of information!
8/6/2005 c2 DobbyGrl
Good chapter! I really like how you go into so much detail. Your story is really interesting and has peaked my curiosity.
Good chapter! I really like how you go into so much detail. Your story is really interesting and has peaked my curiosity.
7/12/2005 c2 25Bric The Great
Story is still good. Keep going. I really want to know what this secret gov't job is all about.
25Bric The GreatStory is still good. Keep going. I really want to know what this secret gov't job is all about.