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for Eternal Life

8/24/2005 c1 2Lukertin
Lol, I was wondering if people actually wrote things in Chinese and posted them on here, lo and behold! There was you. Meh. The font is too small and I can't read it so I guess I'll do that later cuz i'm lazy and I'm slacking off at work .

So anyway, I'm reading your poem here, and it is very good. The only line I find issue with is "Your next life in heaven no longer wait." which sounds really Fobbish. Other than that, the rhyme is great, the rhythm isn't glaringly off-beat (tho a bit murky in places), so great job!
5/17/2005 c1 5Dream-Blues
it's a lot better than the ones i wrote

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