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10/29/2006 c1 11Misanthrope
This is truly excellent. I see it the same way you do: as a writing exercise. It isn't a story, and it doesn't have to be. I love the way you build up the events and the reader has to piece together and infer what is going on. I love the climax at the end, when the reader realizes what happened to whom and why this family is the way they are. As far as confusing, I can see where some people might say that. The sentences are choppy, like incomplete thought processes, but I think it works really well to your advantage. After all, the title of the story is "Shards," and you use the symbolism a few times (the splintered table, the shattering glass, and the less obvious shards that remain of this family). Everything seems so purposeful and it all really ties together in the end. I don't have anything bad to say, or any improvements I think you could make. For what it is, it is really amazing.
6/11/2005 c1 catseyeview
I got curious to how you actually wrote...I'll hit you in the middle, no blasting but no "happies" either. I think your depth of description is wonderful, you have a full picture immediately of everything going on, a simple line like "It broke into chunks, splinters flying...etc. has all the detail to fully convey an image. My only criticism would be to add a story line and maybe add something a little new to an already talked about subject to create something unique - My best, Christine
5/17/2005 c1 7Chineselaquer
As you read a piece of mine, I felt it necessary to read one of your works. Interesting and not confusing as you stated previously. I like the style, how you hint to the problem for a while before you actually speak of it. It's like pulling off a veil, if that is a good analogy. As to my own work, well, no it isn't really an essay. But nor was it anything else that fictionpress had as a genre and "general" just didn't seem to fit it either. Plus, it got you interested, didn't it?
5/17/2005 c1 2ridgebackbab
Hi, you readmy essay? I welcome your review with open arms, but i just thought I would mention that i wrote this for my English at school and just decided to put it here cause it was there. And i got a high grade for it, hence the length.
5/15/2005 c1 4Alaskan-Lone-Wolf
It was not confusing for me at all. It was deep, meaningful..the life of a frustraited teenage girl...It was wonderful. Descriptions an' all, and very relate-full too. (i know not a word but oh well...) Keep it up!~*~Icy~*~

P.s.- hope you're not feeling this bad *hugs* you can always call me, i'm here for you 24/7.
5/14/2005 c1 6FaithT
Well, you know, it doesn't have to be a story, and I think that'd it'd be better to just leave it as it is as not being a story.

"The room was empty, Christopher gone. Somewhere a clock was ticking desolately. She got up to get a drink. Shaking, too young for this burden, she dropped the glass, only making a half-hearted attempt at catching it.

It broke into chunks, splinters flying across the floor."...I liked your symbolism here.

You're a very good writer. Try making a story next time, but, if you don't, you can always do little scenarios like these...

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