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for The Ghost of Whiterose Hall

1/13/2006 c1 6AntiChompist
Interesting start to your story. I don't see how the servants stand to work for the lady.
11/30/2005 c1 22Aesper Drame
*Chuckles*How very amusing your story is. You pull off a lot of character development in a mere 1500 words or so, dub me impressed. Compared to the reviews I generally leave in my wake, this one will be rather short. There aren’t too many suggestions or corrections I can make. However, I do have a few for you.

You emphasize Ms. Ridley’s Irish accent a great deal in this chapter, but from what I saw in her dialogue (the words clipped, etc.) they don’t really add up.Yet what I might be experiencing is how once or twice your dialects didn’t follow the character through the story. Just double check to make sure you didn’t miss something. It’s been my experience if you clip a word, you’re going to be doing it a lot.I think you might be able to pull the reader into your story better if you add more detailed descriptions of what things are like.

You have a good hooker written, I’m certain you have tons of people just waiting for the next installment.
11/20/2005 c1 168SeaVoi
I like how the people almost seem to stop just to yell at each other! I really liked this story. :)
11/17/2005 c1 1Krazi
HAHA! I love Mr Tubbs and Mrs Riddley with the spider! I like the way you write, too. Keep the story comin! :)
5/15/2005 c1 Jerry Scarbrough
Me again. I hope to be reading more of this one soon. Good stuff. Love your style.

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