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for Zoning Out

7/20/2006 c7 1randomcindyness
LOL strange lady with cell phones? I've truely never seen an old lady talking into a cell phone before...^-^ I totally love your stories and i can't wait to keep reading! ^-^

4/28/2006 c10 16someone's sideshow
Okay, I will leave this suggestion just in case you decide to edit this story.The one line, by one of the Guards, "...cut your dick off," really bothered me. I felt the use of that language was kind of out of place and unnecessarily. So much so that it distracted me throughout the rest of the chapter. But it's getting good. Deadlines are always excellent plot pieces. :)
4/28/2006 c9 someone's sideshow
Man. I don't know what it is about the writing under the "UnhappyPeople" account, but it's amazing. I'm really into this story. The Cemetery was an interesting place. When's this story set? Some of the items in the Cemetery didnt seem too outta date -Shakespeare and Blues in there? Just curious.Anyway, I'm goin' back for more. :)
4/27/2006 c4 someone's sideshow
So apparently I suck because it has taken me so long tofind this little gem, after having followed "The Unhappiness Factor" for so long. This is amazing. I love the setting [small town where things should be normal, but aren't], and all the weirdness. Bench-Lady kinda freaks me out. Like some sort of Omnipresence. *shiver* I can't wait for the rest, but thought I'd leave somethin'.
2/26/2006 c27 alex
well, thankyou for sharing it with us in the first place. the worlds people can cook up inside their heads will never cease to amaze me and dampmine/pandimonium was no exception.

the description of the memoria trip in this chapter makes it somewhat easy to uderstand why scorse of deomons got hooked on this drug and plays up the negitive effecs that we saw a few chapters back. i alsolike the second person narritive (gah, i don't know my english terms) employed in the last couple of lines and yes, i guess there are one or two issues left unresolved.overall, this has been a great read and i must thankyou again for sitting down and writting all 27 chapters out. i can only say that i am immensly looking foward to revisiting this place some time in the not to distant future.
2/26/2006 c26 alex
sigh, i'm going to miss leaving pretentious reviews for this story which make not even an iota of sense.anyways, i do find that this chapter brings a sense of closure of sorts what with ashley and zach's return and ethen's new found sense of belonging. i must add, it was also nice to see that, even after it all, rhea never got ashley's name right.

your description of the collapse of golgotha dose indeed invoke memories of the 9/11 footage and your description of its destruction is extremaly haunting. equally is Asarte's reaction to it; it's clear that she just thrives on inflicting aggony on anything.
2/26/2006 c25 alex
there's such a veriety of emotions that you focus on in this chapter; it flips from dread to hate to joy while all fitting to gether. you really built up the tension during ashely's hunt for zach and i'm sure the choice of tital really helped to kill the optimisim of a few readers. the description of baal and astatre's... methodes really go to show what a pair of sick, demented fucks they were. your treatment ofbaal during the fight highlights this further and there's something wonderfully unsettling about his sheer enjoyment of being slaughtered. the insertion of the juxdeposition between sex and death push that even further and it's all topped of by that wonderfully gory and graphic description of his end.
2/26/2006 c24 alex
you can really feel the agressive undertones in the fist part of this chapter which really amplify the shared hatred of ashley and rhea for their respective captors.charater wise, i didn't expect Judecca to be quite so crude... but then i guess anyone in her posityion would be justifyily pissed off with the way things turned out.the insertions of the descriptions of all the exotic weaponary you've included has mixed result. while it does feel a little tacked on, it does make those weapons all the more tangible and dangerous in the mind of the reader. the formal manner with which you describe them and then insert them into the actions of the story ( astarte's cat claws in perticular jump to mind) dose make for a nice effect.during the fight between rhea and baal, the inclusion of rhea's stance on feelings really help show us how she's been twisted into something bent on revenge and cold by her past. 'twas a nice oppertunity to add to her charaterisation.
2/26/2006 c23 alex
ah, how i love coming back to this story. as always, it's great to see all these links to mytholgy and out own past with the gorgon and pathanon. I've only seen pictures of those buildings in rome but those themselves were enough to blow my mind. drawing parralles with them really lets you imagin how vast the panthenon is. That sense of hoplessnes which was such a major feature follows through what with ashley's slow realisation that, like most bad guys, baal and astarte just arn't going to be holding up their end of the bargin (on the topic of them, the re-description given when ashley first spots them is good as it reminds us the girl's yet to have bumped into the sadistic duo). also, it was nice to see that the magic squares do acctually have a life saving perpous; i must keep that in mind if i ever approch maths again.well, things really don't look good from where i'm sitting in terms of events. it seems kind of a shame that reah's plans didn't seem to bear fruit but i can't help but feel there's still a chance for that.christ, i waffle.
2/21/2006 c27 4Mechanical Dolls
Hi, UnhappyPeople!

Wow, it's been a long time since I'm back, and when I clicked on favorite stories, and I saw the completed story of yours, and I was like WHE!

So, here is my review:

I love it. But I suppose I've already said it. But I'm going to say it again: I love it. It's a brilliant piece of work. You seem to have planned this out, and you did it wonderfully, because the mystery and character interactions are perfect. I was literally at the edge of my seat when I was reading it. And, as I've said, it's a real page-turner.

I'm actually glad Ethan decided to stay and not return to Dampmine. There's a kind of 'Aww'-ish quality to it if you know what I mean. I also love the way you portray Ashley and Zack. Ashley fled because she was scared, and that made her more human than just some superheroine. You know, the 'Haha, I'm here to save the day!' type.

I like how you ended it too.

“I dare say everything will be quite peaceful up here.” Her tone is one of hesitation. She gives a slight smile and adds: “For now.”

It gives the reader (or at least me) a sense of "Huh? WTF DOES SHE MEAN?/slash" type of feeling. Is there going to be a sequel?


Never mind, I just noticed your author's note. XD

Anyway, to summerize the whole pointlessly long (or not) review: I love it!

2/12/2006 c27 Grey Orchid
Oh, I will be back when Dampmine is back.

Man, I kinda didn't like the final chapters for some reason (Guess it made to much sense)

But nonetheless, it's been great bothering to read this, I never thought it turned out to be good.

And a sequel? Be careful of those, man.
1/10/2006 c22 Grey Orchid
Well...Ashley's too late I guess.

Baal and Astrate are just fucking cruel, yet funny. And you just had the add the Chesire Cat smile. Can it be any more worse?

In Zoning Out, of course it's going to.
1/7/2006 c22 alex
good god man, this chapter is really something else and on top of that, i think you've managed to create two of the most fucked up villans i've encounterd for a long time. needless to say, i think they're just wonderful.the first part of this chapter was an extremaly powerful bit of writting. it's quite apt of you to say that you put zach through hell since having to re-live all that ontop of being sliced and diced by a coulple a little troo into S&M woul be more than nightmarish.
1/6/2006 c21 alex
what an appropreate tital for this chapter, i can only ast this point wonder if her serch is going to be as fruitless as orpheus'. Even though we've only met them for A short time, baal and astarte positivly reek of sadisim so kudosto you on this most speedy of charater development. also, i find that it is in this chapter that the bench lady is at her most human.
1/6/2006 c20 alex
...damn.as plot twists go, i REALLY have to take my hat off to you. that was just totally out of the blue and it really is strange to think that the source of the eyelids was right infront of us the whole time. i really did like the way that you used rosmary's baby as a commenty of sorts on Ashley's feelings rather than narrate them yourself. for those who know the film, it really helpd to build up the scene and bring it to a climax.
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