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1/6/2006 c19 alex
hmm, i was staring to wonder just when the fact that Ashley had left Zach behind was going to come creeping up on her. i though that prehapse she was a little dismissive of that on leaving pandimonium but i guess anyone would be inclined to be a little on the foretful side on finding a way out of a place like that. however, you did follow it up and i really do love the accusitive note that this chapter ended on. Also, Dampmine cetainly feels like a dull and oridinary town folloing the maddness you just dragged we readers through.heh, i never imagined that the bench lady was going to turn out to be part of an etherial being.
1/4/2006 c1 R.J. Miller
I have just read your first chapter and I am impressed. I have just recently made contact with a publisher. I think you are talented enough to be published.If you are interestedContact me at
1/2/2006 c21 1might come back someday
Awesome chapter. ^^ Can't wait to see what Ashley does to get Zach back. :) If I were her I would have grabbed a few guns or something, though...
12/22/2005 c20 Grey Orchid
...AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Shit, I should of known about the time thing. That was so obvious, but damnit.

Pretty fucking good, man. Pretty fucking good.

Is this the end then? Is Ashley not gonna do anything about it?

How is the eyelids gonna help now? Stitch them back onto that boy's fucking face?

Surely there's another twist. There's gotta be one...there's gotta be..
12/22/2005 c18 alex
one thing i really do like about this story is the constant links to mythology, the most recebnt being kronos and uranus. also, i really didn't see Zack being taken out like that coming and i must say you did an excellent job handling his delirum.finally, your description of the mall was absorbing and you painted a fantastic picture of a delerict enviroment. the links to its dampmine conterpart helped to give it a more ghost-like feel but the revelation reguarding the oracle was a fine example of your use of bathos.
12/22/2005 c17 alex
ah, good to hear she'll be making a return. i was starting to feel the absense of her criptic precognitions.shipment, ey? interesting to see how things are finally tiying together and from the end of this chapter i can see that things are going to be taking a very differnet direction. i'm curious to se how your going to handle a large battle sceen since i don't think i've read one by you before. mm, as always you supply a feast of visuals for the reader to feed their imagionation on and once again i must thak you for sharing this tail with us all.
12/13/2005 c20 4Mechanical Dolls
Oh wow. This is awesome! So the eyelids belongs to Zach. What a twist! I never expected it! That's just great. You have to update again!

And she definately have to go back there to rescue Zach and Ethan.

~MD
12/10/2005 c19 Mechanical Dolls
Hahaha, I like that. What the previous reviewer said.

Anyway, I thought Ashley's going to go all 'Ashley to the rescue!' on Zach (and what about the old librarian?). Turns out she didn't, and somehow, that made the character more realistic than ever. Because... c'mon, you get sick of perfect (and predictable) characters.

Love this chapter! Is Ashley going to go back and rescue them? Please say she will!

Update!

~MD
12/8/2005 c19 Grey Orchid
Pssh, first we know that the Bench Lady has been talking to a jukebox, then Ashley left Zach behind like a pair of housekeys.

Boy, this can sure be funny sometimes.
11/30/2005 c18 Mechanical Dolls
Oh wow, that's ingenious! I mean this whole story is. I loved how the action flowed from one to another, and it's completely flawless. There's no hitch and in-between explanation. I love your descriptions too: Quick, short, and to the point.

The Oracle and the Guardian reminds me a bit of the Matrix. But I find the bit where the Oracle possessed the jukebox hilarious. But I totally dig the mall. The alternate one. It's like the same place up in Dampmine but deserted and forlorn and creepily scary.

To sum it up, great chapter. Update some more!

~MD

PS. I forgot to mention your writing style. It's kinda matter-of-factly (if you get what I mean), which is something I really like. It suits the taste of the whole story.
11/28/2005 c17 Mechanical Dolls
Oh wow, this is so good! I love the way the story flows, it just pulls you to read more. It's like one of those page-turners you know? The ones you can't put down?

Update! It's awesome!

~MD
11/16/2005 c16 Grey Orchid
Yeah, so I guess Baal and Astrate are NOT the main bag guys, eh?

All these instruments remind me of a Tea Party concert...well...they broke up now but ya know...things happen for a reason.

Also, thanks for the review. I did do another poem collection, but there just songs now, so if you want to, just go have a look. Laters...*Misses the bench lady*

-Grey Orchid
11/3/2005 c15 Grey Orchid
*Has an account now*

So...just in a few little convosations, some of the strange occourences just happened to have made sense...

Dude...wonder what Lethe is like? Ya know, as in music...now if this was a Hades concert, and she sang like Missy Elliot (Sing? I meant talk really fast), then that will ruin everything.

Hm...that eyelid must be alittle moudly by now...yeah...what?

-Grey Orchid
10/24/2005 c8 Amoroso
My ESL practical English class and I are reading your story. We are at chapter seven, and I am curious to know if you will be finishing soon, or if chapter 14 is it? We are going at a relatively slow pace, but I would hate to get to the end and be left without knowing what will happen next! So, in other words keep writing because we all want to know what happens next... great story so far ...
10/20/2005 c10 1might come back someday
Damn, this is pretty good, and I'm not even a fan of mysteries! You have one twisted imagination, you know that? ^_^

Keep up the excellent work, yo! I'll continue reading this when I get the chance. :)
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