for The MetaHumans1/18/2007 c1 
9Nuvez
ok please go back and read what you wrote, some fo the sentences dont make any sense. it is a good idea, story wise but you need to work on the writing. describing what the characters are wearing should be made in passing as if someone else were noticing the character and it shouldn't be done ALL the time for EVERY character. it gets annoying reading a story and having to fix the wroding in your head just to figure out what the writer wanted to say in the first place. Kinda turns the readers off trudging through the rest.
9Nuvezok please go back and read what you wrote, some fo the sentences dont make any sense. it is a good idea, story wise but you need to work on the writing. describing what the characters are wearing should be made in passing as if someone else were noticing the character and it shouldn't be done ALL the time for EVERY character. it gets annoying reading a story and having to fix the wroding in your head just to figure out what the writer wanted to say in the first place. Kinda turns the readers off trudging through the rest.
12/11/2006 c1 16Muffins-Weasley
I so far found one error (thought you might like to know):
I grabbed the metal pole at the ends AND twisted it out of his hands AND hit him in the gut AND he fell to the ground.
-You shouldn't have more than one and unless your saying something like 'someone and someone did something and something'
Otherwise very good so far! ^_^ Genetic engenering/modification seems to be a very good/hot/(other adjective here)topic in stories nowadays. (I know i have two stories about that topic.)
-Cassi
16Muffins-WeasleyI so far found one error (thought you might like to know):
I grabbed the metal pole at the ends AND twisted it out of his hands AND hit him in the gut AND he fell to the ground.
-You shouldn't have more than one and unless your saying something like 'someone and someone did something and something'
Otherwise very good so far! ^_^ Genetic engenering/modification seems to be a very good/hot/(other adjective here)topic in stories nowadays. (I know i have two stories about that topic.)
-Cassi
12/7/2006 c6 19Brightstarr-Bella
wait the story's not OVER over in chapter 7, is it? like when you said everything went black. and then in your author's note put thats the end. its not over, is it? when everything went black- was it death! or was it just the end o f the chapter.
19Brightstarr-Bellawait the story's not OVER over in chapter 7, is it? like when you said everything went black. and then in your author's note put thats the end. its not over, is it? when everything went black- was it death! or was it just the end o f the chapter.
12/7/2006 c7 Brightstarr-Bella
hey...
good chapter, i like the dialogue and description, it's very real. keep going, and i can't wait to read the next chapter!
*Bella*
hey...
good chapter, i like the dialogue and description, it's very real. keep going, and i can't wait to read the next chapter!
*Bella*
7/27/2005 c7 1Jani Rieme
What's really annoying about this is that your links aren't working, at least they aren't for me. But it's a great story, please continue ASAP!
1Jani RiemeWhat's really annoying about this is that your links aren't working, at least they aren't for me. But it's a great story, please continue ASAP!
7/7/2005 c1 Ashley
OMG! that came out so awsome! i luv it! It'll b a Great rp! keep it up! ;) -ashley
OMG! that came out so awsome! i luv it! It'll b a Great rp! keep it up! ;) -ashley
7/6/2005 c2 FScott
O.M.G.
Isn't it funny how stories can be sort of similar? Weirdness!
Anyway, I like the intensity of this story. Right from the top, you're sucked right down to what's going on behind the scenes. Very coolio.
Grammar and Spelling may be some points you need to improve on, but your visualization, setting, and character details are absolutely gorgeous.
^.~ Bai~!
O.M.G.
Isn't it funny how stories can be sort of similar? Weirdness!
Anyway, I like the intensity of this story. Right from the top, you're sucked right down to what's going on behind the scenes. Very coolio.
Grammar and Spelling may be some points you need to improve on, but your visualization, setting, and character details are absolutely gorgeous.
^.~ Bai~!
6/29/2005 c6 Laitaine
Actually, you're grammar is getting better! So, you're reading over it is really working. This one sentence could be punctuated differently,
"Shang and Taya...well...they were just practicing...I suppose. I think they’re going to talk the enemy to death."
Or, something to that extent. I only saw that one or two other times. That's pretty good for 15 pages. A great chapter with great characterization. The only thing I'd have to say is when Kalo felt weird about the fight with the cobras...where did that come from? Unless I totally missed it, then I'm an idiot. Don't be afraid to go into a paragraph about some feelings, instead of the one's that are just shown.
I'll be tuning in for the next chapter!
Actually, you're grammar is getting better! So, you're reading over it is really working. This one sentence could be punctuated differently,
"Shang and Taya...well...they were just practicing...I suppose. I think they’re going to talk the enemy to death."
Or, something to that extent. I only saw that one or two other times. That's pretty good for 15 pages. A great chapter with great characterization. The only thing I'd have to say is when Kalo felt weird about the fight with the cobras...where did that come from? Unless I totally missed it, then I'm an idiot. Don't be afraid to go into a paragraph about some feelings, instead of the one's that are just shown.
I'll be tuning in for the next chapter!
6/23/2005 c5 Brightstarr-Bella
Interesting piece. I say again- grammar, spelling! Keep writing,
Bella
Interesting piece. I say again- grammar, spelling! Keep writing,
Bella
6/22/2005 c5 Laitaine
Okay...first off great concept. It's pretty cool and I could see this MetaHuman thing going into depths which haven't been explored yet. It's like an episode of the X-Files!...except not...
Some grammar mistakes...but the mistakes got better as the chapters progressed. I can't stress the "RE-READ BEFORE YOU POST" enough. You have a great story and it would be a shame to see it go downhill on something like that.
Also, the love stories seem to be progressing fast. I know that these "people" (for a lack of a better term) have been through a lot and have been together awhile. Don't be afraid to sit back and have a good, long, paragrah or three explaining how these things came up. I rolled my eyes when Landon went flying with Kalo...but then accepted it more when Landon gave his explanation. I love explanation. Don't be afraid to go off of the present for a little to explain the past to understand the present, savvy?
Keep writing. I'm keeping my eye out.
Okay...first off great concept. It's pretty cool and I could see this MetaHuman thing going into depths which haven't been explored yet. It's like an episode of the X-Files!...except not...
Some grammar mistakes...but the mistakes got better as the chapters progressed. I can't stress the "RE-READ BEFORE YOU POST" enough. You have a great story and it would be a shame to see it go downhill on something like that.
Also, the love stories seem to be progressing fast. I know that these "people" (for a lack of a better term) have been through a lot and have been together awhile. Don't be afraid to sit back and have a good, long, paragrah or three explaining how these things came up. I rolled my eyes when Landon went flying with Kalo...but then accepted it more when Landon gave his explanation. I love explanation. Don't be afraid to go off of the present for a little to explain the past to understand the present, savvy?
Keep writing. I'm keeping my eye out.
6/20/2005 c5 1Jani Rieme
Lol please don't turn this into one of those bad lemon fics, this is mgoing really well so far. Hope you update soon!
1Jani RiemeLol please don't turn this into one of those bad lemon fics, this is mgoing really well so far. Hope you update soon!