for Reapers7/13/2005 c2 
14Mr. S.P. Holmstadt
so far, i really like the concept of this story. it works very well. the story is interesting and the descriptions are great.
14Mr. S.P. Holmstadtso far, i really like the concept of this story. it works very well. the story is interesting and the descriptions are great.
7/13/2005 c1 Mr. S.P. Holmstadt
whoa...that was good. i really liked it. just, whoa...
so far this sounds like a beginning to a good movie
whoa...that was good. i really liked it. just, whoa...
so far this sounds like a beginning to a good movie
6/18/2005 c6 1Infinite Abyss
This is pretty interesting. It's kind of confusing how you keep switching point of views though and there were a couple of spelling errors but other than that I don't really have anything to complain about. Keep up the good work.
1Infinite AbyssThis is pretty interesting. It's kind of confusing how you keep switching point of views though and there were a couple of spelling errors but other than that I don't really have anything to complain about. Keep up the good work.
6/17/2005 c6 Arkash
Very interesting. I like the plot and the mystery surrounding this story. Hazel must be special to overcome the odds against her. That's a seed for a good plot.
You're switching point of views. If you tell this chapter from the POV of one of the Reapers, you shouldn't dip into the thoughts of the hunter. His thoughts should be shown by actions, or better yet, in this case you can have one of the Reapers read his mind. And then when you change to Hazel, you need a scene divider, line, stars, etc, like at the end when you show the Reapers again.
Good cliffhanger ending! *_*
Very interesting. I like the plot and the mystery surrounding this story. Hazel must be special to overcome the odds against her. That's a seed for a good plot.
You're switching point of views. If you tell this chapter from the POV of one of the Reapers, you shouldn't dip into the thoughts of the hunter. His thoughts should be shown by actions, or better yet, in this case you can have one of the Reapers read his mind. And then when you change to Hazel, you need a scene divider, line, stars, etc, like at the end when you show the Reapers again.
Good cliffhanger ending! *_*
6/9/2005 c5 Arkash
This is an interesting chapter. I like the way you arranged that Hazel got shot my accident and not on purpose by the hunter.
I found only one flaw: You switch point of views from Hazel to Ryth when he senses her injury. THen back again to Hazel. You need to use a scene dividider. On FP, just to leave paragraph spacing is not enough because the formatting would not recongize it. YOu have to put in a line, dots. etc.
Good Job! *_*
This is an interesting chapter. I like the way you arranged that Hazel got shot my accident and not on purpose by the hunter.
I found only one flaw: You switch point of views from Hazel to Ryth when he senses her injury. THen back again to Hazel. You need to use a scene dividider. On FP, just to leave paragraph spacing is not enough because the formatting would not recongize it. YOu have to put in a line, dots. etc.
Good Job! *_*
6/4/2005 c4 Arkash
The story shaping up nicely, and we get a glimpse of what the 'Reapers' are.
The chapter is very short, it's more like a scene, but it's filled with tension. It might help if you described the Reapers a bit more.
All in all, it captures the reader.
I've found some typos: "Qyietly the entered..." I think you meant 'they'. And the sentence,: "The spies stared in shock..." is a bit confusing.
There is one major flaw that most people would not comment on: you transition, very smoothly though, into the spies point of view without a scene divider. You're supposed to have one POV per scene or chapter. That's a rule of fiction writign I didn't make up but follow it to the letter. It's where the Luise and the man leave.
Interesting story, keep it up! *_*
The story shaping up nicely, and we get a glimpse of what the 'Reapers' are.
The chapter is very short, it's more like a scene, but it's filled with tension. It might help if you described the Reapers a bit more.
All in all, it captures the reader.
I've found some typos: "Qyietly the entered..." I think you meant 'they'. And the sentence,: "The spies stared in shock..." is a bit confusing.
There is one major flaw that most people would not comment on: you transition, very smoothly though, into the spies point of view without a scene divider. You're supposed to have one POV per scene or chapter. That's a rule of fiction writign I didn't make up but follow it to the letter. It's where the Luise and the man leave.
Interesting story, keep it up! *_*
6/3/2005 c3 Arkash
This is an interesting setting for a post apocolyptic world.
Hazel is a strong character, I hope she prevails.
Good job! *_*
This is an interesting setting for a post apocolyptic world.
Hazel is a strong character, I hope she prevails.
Good job! *_*
6/2/2005 c2 Arkash
Nice chapter. I like the way you describe the surroundings.
The end was creepy with that woman watching Hazel. Update soon! *_*
Nice chapter. I like the way you describe the surroundings.
The end was creepy with that woman watching Hazel. Update soon! *_*
5/29/2005 c1 Arkash
very interesting beginning. You created a whole new world for this story.
Goof Job! *_*
very interesting beginning. You created a whole new world for this story.
Goof Job! *_*