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5/29/2005 c1 16itsonlyreality
Nice! There's something about it I really like. You wrote it in a way where you can almost feel her personal pain like its your own. It's beautiful. I think towards the end you weakened, but not too badly, im just being picky. I think that you could have been a little less forward with the last sentence, it kind of detracted from the ending, but it's easily fixed. I'll be looking for more of your stuff, I like it.
5/29/2005 c1 73An Inside Joke
Very good of exploring the painful situation. Make sure you start new paragraphs when you switch speakers for dialouge, and the only other real problem I noticed in this piece is that the second to last sentence of the first paragraph was a little clumbsy.

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