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for Double, Double, Toil, and Tiffany's?

7/9/2005 c3 1Clodhopper
okay, im going to review all three chapters in here as i read, so sorry if the review is a bit choppy:

first off, the Grandam character's clothes are AWESEOME - what a personality! i love it how u used that to first describe her!

"I hated him, he hated me, it was a deep hate-hate relationship that had developed over many years." love it.

a little more details might be nice, but nothing horrible. just in between some of the talking. and there were a couple run-ons, just a note. again, nothing horrible.

i like your main character - the flaws are wonderful. i get so sick of perfect characters... tho she certainally doesnt seem to like Tim much.

"'Um….Muriel' Mary Agnes began, but her sister paid her no mind." little typo, in case you're interested, "'Um...Muriel,' Mary Agnes..."

this is a cool story! fun idea - my favorite part is that the main character isnt some beautiful, graceful, blah-blah-blah. i've noticed a lot of characters (in published books, too, but mostly on ficpress) are way too perfect. kinda gets boring. great job!

7/9/2005 c1 Clodhopper
Wonderful start. I was confused at first with Grandam. I first thought you had a typo and meant Grandma, but then I realized that it's spelled the same everytime.

Besides that comment, I liked it. Very well written.


Thanks for the reviews
7/6/2005 c1 49Neaera
Sounds very promising! I can't wait to read more, and right now I just skimmed it because I have company and I don't want to seem rude... Anyways, I'll read more later! Keep it up, and thanks for your review!
6/30/2005 c2 4Chicanery A. Beguile
Poor Tiffany, some pretty harsh stuff's happened to her. Ha ha she doesn't like Tim.
6/25/2005 c3 Poppy Pyres
Hi again!Watch the formatting in this chapter. Maybe have a new paragraph for the descriptions of the wicthes, and italicise the address- distinguish it from everything else.Good chapter. well done! :)
6/25/2005 c2 Poppy Pyres
You are perfectly right about finals and such-like. Senior year of school is dreadfully hectic *dies*I just noticed something about the tense. It jars. I read further and I realised that you are writing in first person present tense. As long as you can maintain it. I think I wa surprised, because it is not as common. Just be careful.". That helps me quite a bit. A llama tried to eat my hair once, and there was a fire, and some caramel and ostrich hunters involved. Don’t even ask, it’s not worth the pain." Sounds very funny. "Dont even ask, it's not worth the pain' sounds like she is talking to the reader. Not a problem with that, just something I thought I should point out. I wonder if she IS telling her story to the reader...Hm"semi-nerd, is a hot nerd, if such a species exists" Yay! No stereotype. :)"Wow. They had such scintillating conversation." I love the snideness of that line." normal is never the case in our family." Very funny.How much have you updated? And I thought I was behind before? :) Nah, its ok.Good chapter. More descriptions perhaps, although I like hwo you are using dialogue to reveal the characters, and not infodumping. :)
6/9/2005 c1 5Luminated Blood Star
You seem to have a good start, though the whole witch/not a witch/look a witch/name a witch thing was a bit confusing.
6/7/2005 c1 4Chicanery A. Beguile
This story's awesome already! I love the descriptions! Are all the witches s'posed to be "evil"? This seems like a very original story. It's great! Write more soon!
6/2/2005 c1 11Earthsong12
Wow, Jestine is kinda ditzy...but I like her. Seems like neat story! So is everyone in this society witches, or only some, and are they accepted? I assume these will be answered later, I can't wait for more updates! Great job!
6/2/2005 c1 5Rikku Abdul
Hey, this is a pretty good start for an interesting story!

Well, I like your characters. I can't tell that much what they're like, since it's only the first chapter, but I can tell they'll be interesting. Hm... Tasia's Grandma and Aunt both remind me of someone I know- my history teacher. Odd wardrobe plus crazy person equals my teacher. Seriously, she has a face like this- 0.o Long story...

The plot sounds like a good idea from what I've seen in the summary and from what I've read here. Definitly not like anything I've seen before. It's cool that you're incorperating normal things- like boyfriends- with more witch like stuff. It makes the story easier to relate to, and I like stories I can relate to.

The chapters could be a little longer, but it doesn't matter really. This one wasn't THAT short...

Wow. You managed to find MY story buried and tangled within the millions of fantasy stories on this site? (gasp) O.0 I commend you! My question is... HOW did you find me? Come to think of it, I think I've seen your name somewhere, like when I was looking at other peoples reviews, but I've never actually read your stuff. Weird...

Thank you so much for reading my story! I've had a hard time getting people to read that monsterous thing! I've only had like one other person actually read it all the way through and put some thought into the review, so it really makes me happy that someone else read it, and that they were being so honest! So thanks for reading it! I really appreciated your comments!

Feh. I'm lazy. I could've read one of your longer things, but I chose to a big blob and read the shortest one. But I will read and review more of your stuff! Firstly, because I like your stuff, and secondly because I'm now eternally in debt to you from the reviews you gave me. Oh, well. Expect more reviews from me soon.

Well, good job on this story so far. Keep up the good work and update soon! Prepare your self for more reviews from me! You're gonna get an avelanche of 'em!

And once again, thanks so much for reviewing my story!

~Rikku Abdul~

P.S: You are now free to hurl cans of Vanilla Coke and/ or any other weapon you choose (though I'd prefer Vanilla Coke cuz it's tasty) at me for being so EVIL and giving you this BEAST of a review.
6/1/2005 c1 Poppy Pyres
I think this style suits you much better than your other story. The fun, lighthearted tone has been managed well.
5/31/2005 c1 9ice flyer
this chapter is really funny and i love the plot. i like your crzy character of the grandma and also tasia's name. you have a lot of subtle humor - "a nice long date with ben and jerry's" hehe- but i also noticed run-ons throughout the story. you should look for areas where you can use semicolons or better yet just make a new sentence. for example: "This was the first year Jestine and I would be allowed to go, witches could attend at thirteen, and at sixteen, they could bring a guest" if you just stick in a semicolon or separate the sentences, it will flow better. also one tiny thing: you say "mess of fizzy ginger ringlets" and i think of soda when you say fizzy. it should be frizzy. anyway, this is a fun story and i will definitely check out more. thanks for your really helpful and nice reviews! i was so excited when i saw them! :)
5/29/2005 c1 12Arrow's Flight
WOW! This story sounds really interesting so far. It's funny, and has a definite plot line. GREAT COMBINATION.

-Arrow's Flight-

Thank you for the review.
5/29/2005 c1 12Safekht
Nice to see some humor with the supernatural for once! *envies* This is really good, and your description of Grandam's outfit is absolutely great! I love it!
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