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9/5/2005 c5 1Lady Essence
Hello! Hmm dragon name eh? Um, how about Triagon? Hehe, that came off the top of my head. O, make sure to dipict when Rylan is thinking, like italicize it like you do with the dragon, or 'do this'. Good chappie, short, but it was good. Keep updating!
7/17/2005 c4 LadyEssense
I'm too lazy to loggin. You finally updated! Your getting to be as bad as me! I laughed when I saw that you made Rylan say Shucks! Ha ha! But you spelled it wrong. Ok, you probably should have written in somewhere that the dragon was flying after Rylan, I thought that the dragon was staying in one place until Rylan thought to himself about the dragon blocking his way. But besides that, this was a good chappie! Short, but good! Continue!
6/25/2005 c3 9Eyetk
Hmm, again, nice continuation (even if it is short!)

My main CC here would be that you might want to think about the way adults talk, as compared to kids. For example, the principlal says:

"This is it, Rylan. If you get in one more fight this year, I'm going to kick you out of school."

This sounds threatening, and just a bit childish. What might be better is, "This is it, Rylan. If you get in one more fight this year, I'm going to have to expel you."
6/25/2005 c2 Eyetk
Hmm. Good continuation; I've just got one main CC for you, which is already written out on a seperate page created specifically for this exact purpose...here:

http:/w.fictionpress.com/read.php?storyid=1942775&chapter=4
6/25/2005 c1 Eyetk
Alright! A nice start, short chapter. I've just got a few CCs for you-

First, watch your grammar, especially when someone's speaking.

Second, what's this 'punishment' you refer to in paragraph 4? Sounds a bit overly ominous phrased thus-maybe specify it (I'm going to assume he was grounded).
6/22/2005 c3 1Lady Essence
Ok, so Rylan is planning to run away, eh? Ok, so now I know that Rylan got into a fight at school. I thought that Ralph said he was Rylan's brother, but he has a different mother? So, is Rylan an only child? O, Rylan seems to have some issues about his dad, and his mom. Please update soon! Or I'll nag you more!
6/22/2005 c2 Lady Essence
I just realized that you had written more chapters. My bad. Ok, another short chapter. But, this is still good. I was confused about where this scene took place. I first thought that it took place in Rylan's bedroom, but then with everyone jumping into the fight I thought maybe Rylan was outside. So, now we're discovering about Rylan's past. I wonder if that remembering will get him into trouble later.
6/22/2005 c1 Lady Essence
Helo! It's Katie! I finally got to read your story. Short 1st chapter, but it was still good! Also, it ended kind of abrutely.(I don't know if I spelled that right) I'm wondering why Rylan doesn't feel happy. I'm curious to see what happens next. Now I'm the one who gets to nag you about updating. Now update!
5/31/2005 c1 6Windy Mountain
Well, that was interesting. It's not perfect, but nobody's is on this site. We're all learning. I encourage you to keep getting, better and better. :)

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