for The Bard's Tale9/9/2008 c4 
3Neoteric-figment
An update of Bards! And again I get a chance to catch up with the very awesome Romanov women.
I like how Liz has thrown herself into her magic after the events of the last chapter. I also enjoy her strained relationship with Shen. Good storytelling in the form of making both women pregnant. I have a liking for blended/ extended families in fantasy and I'm looking forward to meeting Dominicus and his nephew.
My only gripe with this chapter was that it was too short! I hope I won't have to wait too long for the next installment, still really enjoying it.
3Neoteric-figmentAn update of Bards! And again I get a chance to catch up with the very awesome Romanov women.
I like how Liz has thrown herself into her magic after the events of the last chapter. I also enjoy her strained relationship with Shen. Good storytelling in the form of making both women pregnant. I have a liking for blended/ extended families in fantasy and I'm looking forward to meeting Dominicus and his nephew.
My only gripe with this chapter was that it was too short! I hope I won't have to wait too long for the next installment, still really enjoying it.
9/6/2008 c4 Daggerstone
No nits to pick this time aside the "enchanter" thing, but it's been pointed out before.
So... The next chapter'll be up... when, exactly? :)
No nits to pick this time aside the "enchanter" thing, but it's been pointed out before.
So... The next chapter'll be up... when, exactly? :)
9/6/2008 c3 Daggerstone
7th paragraph: "a sudden small noise, like something falling on the floor behind her made her turn." - comma after first "her"
next one: "afraid that A drunken reveler from the dinner down in the manor square had made THEIR way"
Drow&Dominic, last paragraph "scream for me, just as you did _your husband"
Zhou&Shen, par 11 "stroking her hair, and pulling it out of the way, and supporting" - lose one "and"
Next one, "she panted for breath,as shudders" - missed a space
Still next "the tale."You were" - again, the space
After that "This news drew a gasp and sharp look from THEN shukenja." - probably misplaced
Great work on the dialogues, and perfect spacing of character introductions.
You know, I'd buy this one from you for my own country if I had nearly money enough... *sigh*
7th paragraph: "a sudden small noise, like something falling on the floor behind her made her turn." - comma after first "her"
next one: "afraid that A drunken reveler from the dinner down in the manor square had made THEIR way"
Drow&Dominic, last paragraph "scream for me, just as you did _your husband"
Zhou&Shen, par 11 "stroking her hair, and pulling it out of the way, and supporting" - lose one "and"
Next one, "she panted for breath,as shudders" - missed a space
Still next "the tale."You were" - again, the space
After that "This news drew a gasp and sharp look from THEN shukenja." - probably misplaced
Great work on the dialogues, and perfect spacing of character introductions.
You know, I'd buy this one from you for my own country if I had nearly money enough... *sigh*
9/6/2008 c4 10Caecilia
O.O Elizabeth and Shen friends now? What a twist.
Great writing, Frame.
No errors that I can find... Other than Korvitar said she was an 'enchanter', but wouldn't it be 'enchantress'?
Love the story, can't wait to see more.
~Cae, at the Roadhouse
10CaeciliaO.O Elizabeth and Shen friends now? What a twist.
Great writing, Frame.
No errors that I can find... Other than Korvitar said she was an 'enchanter', but wouldn't it be 'enchantress'?
Love the story, can't wait to see more.
~Cae, at the Roadhouse
9/5/2008 c4 2Tog
First two picky notes:
a female enchanter would be an enchantress, no? I had a gender confusion on Kotivar for a moment.
revelation Elizabeth had a revalation at the tea, can't believe spell check would miss that.
Interesting so far. More to come?
2TogFirst two picky notes:
a female enchanter would be an enchantress, no? I had a gender confusion on Kotivar for a moment.
revelation Elizabeth had a revalation at the tea, can't believe spell check would miss that.
Interesting so far. More to come?
9/5/2008 c1 Daggerstone
Fift paragraph from the top, "attached BE a small circlet of satin ribbon". Next one, "and that, coupled with the dress, made IT look even more like the blushing bride she was." Seventh paragraph, last sentence "Shen used to wear, all the time back" - lose the comma and put it here "She found, however that"
Zhou&duke scenes , 4th paragraph: "I like_keep all of my potential opponents"
Nitpicking aside, I think you have the beginning of a very interesting story here... Can't wait to marry your own off and enjoy the silence for a change (says a mom of two)? ;)
Fift paragraph from the top, "attached BE a small circlet of satin ribbon". Next one, "and that, coupled with the dress, made IT look even more like the blushing bride she was." Seventh paragraph, last sentence "Shen used to wear, all the time back" - lose the comma and put it here "She found, however that"
Zhou&duke scenes , 4th paragraph: "I like_keep all of my potential opponents"
Nitpicking aside, I think you have the beginning of a very interesting story here... Can't wait to marry your own off and enjoy the silence for a change (says a mom of two)? ;)
8/17/2008 c3 10Caecilia
That's a sad chapter. Your descriptions are really good, even in the morbid parts. They may be terrible to some, but they are necessary.
I don't really feel bad for Dominic, because I never really liked him... Hmm. Anywho, good writing.
Can't wait to see more~ Tell me down at the Roadhouse when you update!
~Caecilia
10CaeciliaThat's a sad chapter. Your descriptions are really good, even in the morbid parts. They may be terrible to some, but they are necessary.
I don't really feel bad for Dominic, because I never really liked him... Hmm. Anywho, good writing.
Can't wait to see more~ Tell me down at the Roadhouse when you update!
~Caecilia
8/17/2008 c3 FuckMeAlice
Everything comes crashing down. I was not expecting a lot of ths, though from the previous chapter, I guess I should have been wary. Hm. I feel for Eizabeth, who is my favourite character in this story. I don't feel for Dominic, because somehow, he seemed a bit of a bad guy all the time, even though he was pretty noble at the end. Please do update soon.
Everything comes crashing down. I was not expecting a lot of ths, though from the previous chapter, I guess I should have been wary. Hm. I feel for Eizabeth, who is my favourite character in this story. I don't feel for Dominic, because somehow, he seemed a bit of a bad guy all the time, even though he was pretty noble at the end. Please do update soon.
8/17/2008 c2 Caecilia
You said that this chapter was bad... But it's very well written (that doesn't sound quite right, but I think you know what I mean)
I'm glad to have the background and know what really happened to Dominic's family. Wow. I guess that kinda explains why he's such a freaking jerk about not having any sons.
Nice dialogue. Very nicely written chapter.
Look forward to chapter 3.
~Caecilia
You said that this chapter was bad... But it's very well written (that doesn't sound quite right, but I think you know what I mean)
I'm glad to have the background and know what really happened to Dominic's family. Wow. I guess that kinda explains why he's such a freaking jerk about not having any sons.
Nice dialogue. Very nicely written chapter.
Look forward to chapter 3.
~Caecilia
8/17/2008 c2 FuckMeAlice
This chapter didn't suck like you said it would. True, the style differs greatly from the last chapter, but I don't think it sucks.
It's kind of strange how each of your chapters are reminding me of Shakespearean plays. The last one reminded me of King Lear, if only because of the three daughters, and this one reminded me of Macbeth. No idea why this time.
This chapter didn't suck like you said it would. True, the style differs greatly from the last chapter, but I don't think it sucks.
It's kind of strange how each of your chapters are reminding me of Shakespearean plays. The last one reminded me of King Lear, if only because of the three daughters, and this one reminded me of Macbeth. No idea why this time.
8/16/2008 c1 Caecilia
The Duke kind of really annoys me. Well, I guess it's more his attitude towards his daughter's 'ridiculous ideas' and whatnot. But eh, *shrug* nothing I can do about it. Your character is so strong that I really dislike him. Good job in bringing him so far to life.
I like that Shen actually has a personality. A nice surprise. Glad the Duke isn't going to get what he expected. You might want to put parts where characters are having internal dialogue in italics. I find that it makes it easier to differentiate between talking/thinking/ and just the regular parts of the stories.
My favorite characters were Elizabeth and the Lord High Priest. They are very strong and all your characters seem to well developed very well.
Look forward to seeing where you'll take this.
~Caecilia, down at the Roadhouse
The Duke kind of really annoys me. Well, I guess it's more his attitude towards his daughter's 'ridiculous ideas' and whatnot. But eh, *shrug* nothing I can do about it. Your character is so strong that I really dislike him. Good job in bringing him so far to life.
I like that Shen actually has a personality. A nice surprise. Glad the Duke isn't going to get what he expected. You might want to put parts where characters are having internal dialogue in italics. I find that it makes it easier to differentiate between talking/thinking/ and just the regular parts of the stories.
My favorite characters were Elizabeth and the Lord High Priest. They are very strong and all your characters seem to well developed very well.
Look forward to seeing where you'll take this.
~Caecilia, down at the Roadhouse
8/16/2008 c1 FuckMeAlice
Wow, this is really cool.
I especially liked the character of Elizabeth. At first I thought she wasn't really a witch, that it was just a smear people reserved for strong-willed woman like her, but it turns out she's avtually magic, and that magic is pretty much accepted here.
All in all, the characters are really well-defined, and I can definitely feel for most of them. Good first chapter.
Wow, this is really cool.
I especially liked the character of Elizabeth. At first I thought she wasn't really a witch, that it was just a smear people reserved for strong-willed woman like her, but it turns out she's avtually magic, and that magic is pretty much accepted here.
All in all, the characters are really well-defined, and I can definitely feel for most of them. Good first chapter.
2/9/2007 c3 None
You are a VERY talented writer. You should continue this, get published! Great attention to detail, You paint a ritch picture. The characters are full and distinct. Emotions and reactions are very appropriate. Story is intriguing, creative, and the background thorough. Frightening, captivating, but not overly grotesque. I hope you are not done. This seems like only the beginning. If I had picked this up in a bookstore, I would not put it down! In fact I'd buy every book written by the same author, and be telling all my friends to check it out. I love your style. You really have a gift. Thank you for sharing it. I look forward to more. -L
You are a VERY talented writer. You should continue this, get published! Great attention to detail, You paint a ritch picture. The characters are full and distinct. Emotions and reactions are very appropriate. Story is intriguing, creative, and the background thorough. Frightening, captivating, but not overly grotesque. I hope you are not done. This seems like only the beginning. If I had picked this up in a bookstore, I would not put it down! In fact I'd buy every book written by the same author, and be telling all my friends to check it out. I love your style. You really have a gift. Thank you for sharing it. I look forward to more. -L
6/12/2006 c1 d9u
very nice, glad I could be an inspiration to you in my teenage hormonal years. more about this on LJ :)
very nice, glad I could be an inspiration to you in my teenage hormonal years. more about this on LJ :)
6/7/2006 c3 3Neoteric-figment
Can I just say...well worth the wait.Damn, those drow are nasty. The set up is fantastic. At this point I'm thinking Dominicus will in fact be Jareths child and therefore be 1/2 drow/human.But I guess I'll just have to wait and see.You have a firm grasp on the history, culture and religion for these characters. All important things. You don't seem to miss a beat. So good. So very, very good.
3Neoteric-figmentCan I just say...well worth the wait.Damn, those drow are nasty. The set up is fantastic. At this point I'm thinking Dominicus will in fact be Jareths child and therefore be 1/2 drow/human.But I guess I'll just have to wait and see.You have a firm grasp on the history, culture and religion for these characters. All important things. You don't seem to miss a beat. So good. So very, very good.