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1/1/2007 c1 BrdomIsTheDvl
3/18/2006 c1 41AbbeyEileen
All I can say is that I hope this isn't true. This is hardcore angst, and I feel so sorry for you if this is based upon an actual expirience for you.
3/8/2006 c1 2Eyes of Olympus
This is very good angst. I like the way you portray the emotions - although, it would be better if you put more background in it - longer, too. Don't explain the incident in a flat paragraph, but throughout the story tell little bits about it. You did pretty good on that, but I'm still not 100% sure I understand the story - give his brother a name, too. That would be good, and if you can, tell a little bit of the memories that they shared.

Other than that, this is an excellent story.
1/22/2006 c1 404358034958034
I don't know what it is with me lately, but I always love a good angst story. This is pretty great. Very real. I think I'll add it to my favorites.

Keep on truckin'Nell
1/22/2006 c1 11yourevilsoul
Wow, Thats amazing. Your a talented writer, Great at showing emotion and depth =) Anyway, Very deep.. Sad.. But still brilliant.
12/30/2005 c1 just call me your muse
wow, if this is your first time I can't wait to read your second. this story is so beautiful it almost made me cry. update soon, ok?
9/26/2005 c1 20Pheobe Meryll
Oh, that was really beautiful. The story was simple and, to be truthful, not the most original I've ever read, but written so that it seems original. The emotions flooded from the page.

A very few nitpicks...

"He grabbed me by my armpits and drug me into the bathroom." My English 1 teacher always kept after us about this one. It's "dragged." Drugs arewhat you keep in the medicine cabinet. :P

Only other reserve was the switch in time from driving home to laying on his pillow. For a short story, that little time switch inturrupts the flow, makes it choppy. You could have expanded and given at least a short paragragh describing the rest of the evening until it happened. Of course, that's nothing terribly important, just a "styalistic" suggestion.

I liked your description of the father keeping after him "like Christ's gaze"...a good parallel to draw. Also, I like that you never really say whether the father is the father...you just call him "him." Good work; keep writing!
9/5/2005 c1 The reformed psyco
9/4/2005 c1 Aldo
It's so sad and beautiful. Your writing is superb. Good job.
8/21/2005 c1 4unbridledfear
Oh my freaking gosh. I shouldn't read that during pms, I almost started balling. That, for your first attempt was good.
7/8/2005 c1 flies.like.decay
i feel like a vampire sleeping forever then locking myself in the room to read lol nice i likersed it first shot at angst? more like a pro
6/15/2005 c1 how do i delete this
my gosh...what an amazing story.. it really reminds me of somebody..(me!)yea I almost did the same thing in fifth grade, so I can relate a lot to this story...well..bye 4 now!
6/6/2005 c1 ravenscribe
wow. i almost started crying. if this is your first time i cant wait until your 2nd. i read somewhere that most guys dont over dose, but there are always exceptions.
6/3/2005 c1 4antidote
It was angst-y...and saddish. For your fist time I applaud. Good job. Lost of background and details.
6/3/2005 c1 6EleanorDear
wow...im very impressed. especially if that really is a first attempt. just about made me cry.and again...wow
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